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InterNutter

Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Burpengary East http://www.cmweller.com 12322 posts

Challenge #02876-G319: Horror of the Baby-Sat

Parent: Thank you so much for agreeing to watch the baby for me. Also, I'm sorry.

Babysitter: Sorry for what?

Parent: The baby has worked out how to do vocal distortion.

Baby: G̷͕̯̻̎̓̉͛̑̀̂̇̀̐͋͘͘͝a̶̢̰͇͇̱͂̉͋́̓͐̂̃͂́́ ̷̧̖̝̱̽̈́͠ǵ̸̢à̴̳̲͍́̀͛̓̃͘̚͝ͅͅ -- Anon Guest

Parrots and very small children seem to share two common interests. The first is an apparent desire to destroy the universe around them via unexpected means. The second is the Dissonance Joke.

The otherwise cute and adorable Human toddler in Companion Lua's arms came out with gibberish that sounded like the child was channeling an Elder God. They then apparently switched modes and said, in the sweetest possible voice, "Hayo Nehneh?"

"That's right," cooed Human Vi. "Companion Zeth is your Nanny today. You two are going to have fun together."

As if to demonstrate, the very small Human Dee uttered more eldritch gibberish and then said, sweet-voiced, "Cookie."

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Tuesday, Day Zero, Patreon Day

Three more cases, all from overseas and detected in quarantine. Sing along with the chorus. Fourteen active cases, fourteen chances for one arsehole. Sigh.

I'm posting my last chapter of KOSBOB on Patreon today... and an awful lot of Terrible Tiefling Tales.

Some are new. I swear I'm trying to work on the things I already started. Promise.

Headlines... Ugh... Let's see what Humanity's been up to since the last check-in:

  • Muppet refusing to give anything to Biden - including adjudication on
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Challenge #02875-G318: Drastic Action

So about 8 months ago security forces kept seeing these reflective belts in the brush and they would go to chase them and they would keep getting away so finally somebody realized that there were reflective belts on the deer. So they catch one of these deer and there's names on these belts. Apparently the marines had been tackling the deer and putting belts on them they would of gotten away with it to but they left their names. -- Anon Guest

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Monday, Day Zero, teh PLN

One more case from outside, thirteen total cases continuing on. Blah blah blah one arsehole yaddah yaddah.

Today, I am not writing any novels. Well, not professional novels. Fanfic can reach novel length or longer and that's what's cool about it.

I am writing only for fun from now until further notice. Sooner or later one of my queue'd novel springboards will capture my attention and I'll get onto that. Plague has done my head in and it's still going, so I

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Challenge #02874-G317: Best Danger Noodle

Humans have interesting pets. Sometimes small, even almost harmless even by havenworld standards, sometimes terrifying. This human had one that was at the terrifying end. As they came aboard a ship of saurians, across their shoulders was a snake that was as nearly long as their body and very heavy. It seemed, however, content to remain curled there while the person introduced them to "little slinky." A snake they'd raised from an egg. -- DaniAndShalii

[AN: Submission included a picture of an

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Sunday, Day Zero, Chillaxin'

Two cases from overseas, once more. Thirteen active cases and thirteen people who could choose to be That Arsehole. I note that the infographic for such has altered to make sure everyone knows whether the new cases are from outside or from within.

Smart move.

I have already enjoyed watching Toasty make excellent art and, five seconds after I post here, I will likely slink off for an extended slugabout.

Let's get on with it.

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Challenge #02873-G316: A Puzzling Sample

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6ZjMWLqJvM -- Anon Guest

The Archivaas are primarily Human. One of the few sects of Human obsession that made hoarding work for them. They will, like most Humans, adopt anyone who shares their compulsion. Compulsions are not always healthy, but the Archivaas work hard to make theirs as healthy as possible.

Always be wary of an order capable of re-ordering entire solar systems so they can store their collections. They're very capable of being dangerous if

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Saturday, Day One, I should try to chill

The spreader case in Adelaide once again employed the "genius" tactic of lying to the track and trace people. Something he would not be punished for because that sort of bullshit is still not a crime.

The fuck?

Braaargh...

I finished KOSBOB and am veering away from anything at all related to looking at novel writing until after the week is done, and even then I'm seeing how I feel about it by then.

I'm waiting for the fire in my heart

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Challenge #02872-G315: Small Thrills, Big Day

A human's friend has been begging them for months to take them to Earth to a local event. Something that all humans could enjoy in one form or another. Something that was fun for all humans but didn't involve large explosions or things being destroyed. The human thought for a long moment and smiled, they had the most perfect idea. And that is how this level one havenworlder ended up sitting and trying deep fried cheese curds and onion rings for the

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Friday, Day Zero, no bread necessary

I have the bikkie in progress, now topped with Kalamata Olives I found in Little Woolies. Yes, folks. That's my new name for the regular one. Because "Big W" is apparently short for "Big Woolies". Lawl.

I want to write the last words of KOSBOB today but I'm not going to force it. If it happens, it happens. If not, then next week is just as good.

Today's three new cases are all overseas imports detected in quarantine, raising the number of

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Challenge #02871-G314: Cause and Effect

Haiku can be strange

Five, seven, and five again

Refrigerator -- Anon guest

There were magnets with words on them. Yet another Human invention that could be used for long-term communication and yet was still used for random art. For instance, the poetic form on the communal chilled food store. A thing that described itself and was still a joke. Typically Human.

Companion Zue considered the words scattered around the magnetic surface, and thought about the message she might leave for the

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Thursday, Day Zero, and more running around

There is only one thing missing from my home, now. Olives. Between the cats, the car, and Beloved's birthday, my personal economy is looking more than a little shattered. $800 just for the car is a sock in the guts, dear readers.

Yeah, I needed new tyres.

There's a new case today, from overseas and detected in quarantine, leaving us with ten active cases in Queensland alone. South Australia is battling the nonsense of another outbreak, leading the potential for borders open

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Challenge #02870-G313: Double-edged Blade

I was Baptized twice. Once in water, once in flame. I survived because the fire within me burn brighter than the fire around me. -- Joshua Graham

There's a reason why certain peoples are fire resistant. Their ancestry is in flames, their genome comes from an active cauldera. There are pyres in their souls. Those who claim to have souls, anyway. Some have given up on laying claim to souls.

It's the way of worlds with magic in their bones. Be dragon-kin

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Wednesday, Day Zero, CHAOS!

Another case from overseas. Nine active cases. Nine chances for that one arsehole to be a dick. South Australia has had an outbreak linked to -join the chorus- a family of institution workers.

You'd think by now that they'd just regularly test the people who work at institutions, but nope. That's not a thing. If I was running things, I'd have noticed the pattern and acted accordingly.

The Muppet's lawyers have all quit except this one guy who also works as a

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Challenge #02869-G312: Tolerance Levels

Human A: "Try this!"

Human B: "Is it hot?"

Human A: "No."

Human B: "Your not hot, or my not hot?"

Human A: "...it's not hot."

Human B: "..." takes a bite

Nonhuman Cremember: "Why is Human B crying while guzzling milk?"

Human A: "It's not hot!"

Human B: (takes a moment to stop guzzling milk)(snot and tears running down face) "I'm sensitive to capsaicin, and you eat raw ghost peppers for fun! Your 'not hot' is not my 'not hot'!" (goes

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