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Magical Mayhem

A 30-post collection

Challenge #01857-E033: A Best-laid Plan

The evil has been slain, the entire nation celebrates in the streets and now, the beautiful Princess who was saved very publicly confesses her love and the King offers her hand in marriage to the noble Hero… Except the Hero was already married - to the woman who sells potions and medicines; she had been aiding the Hero since the quest to save the princess first began, and their love grew more with each visit. Also, the Hero isn’t a Hero, they’re a Heroine… making the wedding’s implied promise of one day bringing a new generation of royalty rather tricky to fulfill, to say the least, even without the existing marriage issue… The confession was made by the Princess, and likewise the offer made by the King, due to said Hero(ine) being “butch” enough to be mistaken for a man when armored (though her wife obviously knows), but never getting the opportunity to correct anyone else (particularly any of the royalty) due to either being too polite/socially-anxious to speak up or constant interruption by Wacky Circumstances getting in the way… Cue an awkward reveal in a rather public situation. -- ChaosWolf1982

The hero's welcome was quite a sight. Even though the hero in question still wore their bloodied, stained and battered battle armour. Even though their horse was a common draught horse with their mane and tail and feathers clipped short to avoid trouble in battle. Behind the hero, on another draught horse, was the potioneer. She was part of the team that had saved the princess. And she rode with a majority of the tools of her trade in the horse's panniers.

Only the Princess, on her graceful white charger, looked like she belonged in a parade. Of course she did. The court had sent a portable salon and some beautiful riding clothes for her and the inevitable parade. The best that they could do for the hero and the potioneer was clean them up and make sure their hair was tidy. Nevertheless, the people cheered. They threw flowers. Flower petals. Paper ribbons. And of course, their cheers and huzzahs. All the way to the palace.

Where courtiers helped the Princess dismount, and the hero helped themself, and then the potioneer to the ground. Where they all paraded in with as much formality as they could muster, all the way to the throne and the Kings' welcome. Where the hero kelt and presented their blade, and the potioneer knelt by the hero's side.

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Challenge #01849-E025: Good For What Ails You

[Person 1] "I'm sick !"

[Person 2] "Here, take some herbs."

[Person 1] "I cut myself with a knife !"

[Person 2] "Here, take some herbs."

[Person 1] "I got my arm ripped off !"

[Person 2] "Here, take some herbs." -- Anon Guest

There are people who believe in herbs, and there are people who Believe in herbs. Talia's dotty neighbour Mackqualieghiegh (pronounced, 'mack-ay-lee-ay' and shortened to 'Mac' before the ink dried on the birth certificate) was one of the ones who BELIEVED in

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Challenge #01843-E019: Reminded of the Babe?

Don't do something permanently stupid just because you're temporarily upset. -- Anon Guest

My mother said/ I never should/ play with the faeries in the wood... - nursery rhyme.

The fae folk had her baby. Toddler. Even though her child could walk and talk after a fashion and perform simple tasks, Esa was still her baby and would be so until the day Risso died. Which might be soon, considering that she was marching into Fae territory with naught but her apron

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Challenge #01832-E008: Rightwise Born... er... Monarch?

"Whomsoever shall pull this sword from the stone is rightwise born King of England."

"Oh! Lookie! I've pulled it out," she said. -- Anon Guest

She was short. She had the sort of chubbiness born of years of feast and famine, with the body deciding to set up ample stores in case of famine. And she was clearly a scullery maid in the entourage of one amongst the many knights, ne'er-do-wells, and nonesuch that had gathered to try their luck.

The maester

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Challenge #01765-D304: A Lesson in There

Her awareness, for what was but a span of seconds at most to the outside world, now went beyond the borders of space and time. In those moments, gazing at once upon all the possible outcomes of the human race, she came to the realization of mankind's lethal flaw:

Not violence or hate as one might expect, but the deeper instigators behind those - Envy, Pride, and, surprisingly, Impatience.

As advanced and progressive as the human mind was on an individual or

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Challenge #01741-D280: When Next You Stop

High Magics: Fuck you and fuck the piece of reality you were standing on -- RecklessPrudence

Ever after, even in the depths of his self-exile, he would remember the first time that the elf used his name. He'd been travelling with the show for months, and knew everyone. And everyone knew him. Except the elf. It was difficult to tell whether they were male or female and they deliberately exploited that to unnerve people.

They were between towns, camping temporarily along the

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Challenge #01735-D274: Necessary Advancements

Magic is the science you don't know yet. The science you already know is engineering. -- RecklessPrudence

The nature of magic is one of constant debate. Any sufficiently advanced technology can be indistinguishable from magic. Any sufficiently analysed magic can be treated like science. But, overall, anything that can not fit into the rules of science can be called magic.

Conjuring is always a good one. Making things, even temporarily, from thin air defies the laws of thermodynamics. Levitation defies the laws

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Challenge #01721-D260: Been Bingeing Adventure Zone

[When someone is being encouraged to compromise their morals]

They've already put a lot of effort into the "not killing people" plan, they'd like to see it through to the end. -- RecklessPrudence

It certainly looked like the end for our heroes. Surrounded on every side by hostile forces. Outmanned. Outnumbered. If there were guns, they'd have been outgunned. But in this case, they were all out of spell slots and clever tricks. All they had left was their weapons and their

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Challenge #01707-D246: And Hardships Unnumbered

(On doing something (in the original a work of magic) usually considered extremely difficult, if not impossible, that the speaker mastered to the point it was near-trivial under [Name], but hasn't done for years)

(said fondly)

[Name] will reform from the ash of her own pyre and skin me if I fuck this up. -- RecklessPrudence

After the disaster that flattened the Forests of Ee, death covered the land like a blanket. The waters soured, and any living thing that entered the

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Challenge #01706-D245: Pass on the Wild Ride

Pookas. Referencing "Harvey" the original and the best. Shadye and a Pooka -- Anon Guest

The foothills of the headlands. Headed into Enchanted Grounds. Civilisation tried to stay away from places like this. The walls between the worlds grew thin, and all kinds of eldritch beings emerged, with their eyes set on the hearts and minds of man.

They don't mind snacking on eyeballs, lungs, and intestines, either.

The captured demon, who could see things that mere mortals could not, squinted at

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Challenge #01701-D240: Chosen by Disorder

"When chaos bears fruit, you eat first and think about the stomach ache later." -- RecklessPrudence

It was the only tree that grew sideways. Its leaves were purple. Its fruit was a shade of pink never seen in nature. But this... was not natural. This was a tree that grew in the Realm of Disorder. It stood still in the wind and waved when it was calm. And whenever it rained[1], it danced.

The Lord of Disorder held a Fruit Party

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Challenge #01687-D226: The City of Ghosts

"The priests and holy-men, they claim those things out there are the restless ghosts of dead gods."

"And what do you think?"

"I'm not so sure they're ghosts." -- Anon Guest

They called this land the Dead Plains. The grasses grew high, but trees would not. Neither deer nor cow would voluntarily graze on the grasses, here. Even horses, an animal universally recognised as rather dim, would not walk into the preternatural flatness of the Dead Plains. And worse, it was fresh

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Challenge #01681-D220: Worth of a Rat

[Asked to apprentice under a powerful, but poor, magic-user - their response]

[Mage]: Hm... Okay, but I can only pay you in unimaginable power.

[Prospective Apprentice]: That works. -- RecklessPrudence

The child was outside her tower again. Humming. Not any particular tune, no, just an aimless grind of voice that was like a slow-turning belt sander against the soul. It was persistently annoying enough for her to disrupt her experiments and take the journey down to ground level.

"Didn't I tell you

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Challenge #01662-D201: The Motivation Game

“Please do not destroy the irreplaceable magical artefacts, no matter how annoying they are,” -- RecklessPrudence

The Orb of Vexation chortled at Verski. With a sigh of regret, Verski put it back onto its cushion and re-sealed the Gate of Infinity. Finally, he turned to his tutor and said, "But why?"

"Aw, da diddle baba gonna cry," said the Orb of Vexation. "Waaaah, waaah."

Maester Kalrix conjured Cone of Silence over the Orb. "No matter how trying they are, these are important

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Challenge #01656-D195: Amazing How it Works

[Name]'s job description is less Indiana Jones and more "disarming multi-millennia old nuclear weapons without an instruction manual". - of an action archaeologist in a fantasy realm -- RecklessPrudence

Elbi was classed as a Rogue. Technically. It was her job to detect and disarm millenia-old deathtraps so that the rest of her team could safely document and investigate archaeological curiosities. And what never ceased to amaze was the fact that, despite eons of neglect, every single one of these traps was

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