Become a Patron!

Magical Mayhem

A 55-post collection

Challenge #02112-E289: Spiritual Progress Goes Huff-Huff-Huff

Baths were once optional, water had to be carried in jugs to fill a bath, and people (a) stank and (b) got diseases. Then came the 'chip heater', hot water for all. guess what it sounds like. -- Anon Guest

Ne'er cast a clout[1] 'till May be out -- pre-industrial era saying.

It was the paradox of the northern realms: bathe regularly, and you would catch your death from the icy winds that crept in through the chinks in the mortar, or bled away your life through the stone that made the buildings. Do not bathe regularly, and the pox or the plague would find you anyway.

Solutions to this quandry were many and varied, including boiling water in a cauldron and tipping it over the plentiful snow, then using an array of sheets or blankets to cover the bathing bodies[2] in the tub. That said, getting the water from well to cauldron to tin tub was a herculean and monotonous effort, so Sundays were the day to cleanse the soul, and Mondays were the day to cleanse everything else.

Support me on Patreon / Buy me a Ko-fi

Continue Reading

Prompts remaining: 23 Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!

Challenge #02111-E288: Rusty Heroism

You used to be the leader of a legendary squad of heroes who banished a great darkness from the world, your reward the blessing of agelessness should you be needed to vanquish future foes that may arise... and now the time has come where you’re needed again, as the once-banished darkness has risen from his arcane slumber a dozen centuries later.

The catch is that now all of you work in normal, 9 to 5 jobs at retail and such, well

Read more »

Challenge #02108-E285: Failed Medicine Check

"What happened?"

"The kobold was thirsty and drank some brandy by accident." -- Anon Guest

On the plus side, the enemy was getting a routing it never suspected from a foe they couldn't even focus on. On the minus side, this had to be doing something awful for Chrysanthemum's bodily systems. Dragonkin had different biology to mammalian lifeforms. A drop of alcohol might dull a human's senses, but to one of reptillian descent... It was like a plus three Potion of Haste.

Read more »

Challenge #02097-E273: Surprise Attackers

"Where are we running to?" asked the panting officer.

"Let's just worry about the away part right now," shouted the private, making a determined effort to run faster than her Captain. -- Anon Guest

There is an old saying, The Brass will kill you. Sooner or later, some lord with a horse and shiny armour will make the world's stupidest decision because that was how it was supposed to go according to some epic poem or some book he read somewhere. Sooner

Read more »

Challenge #02095-E271: A Morning of Intense Regret

"Must have been a great night; I'm imaging thudding noises."

"It was a stupendous night, and it's not your imagination." -- Anon Guest

Marvin winced at the light making its way through his eyelids. It was too sharp for him to open his eyes, just yet. The booming thud shook him and stabbed his brain, and the whimper in his throat sounded like a roar and felt like knives on fire were coming out of him.

"Have we learned something?" Wraithvine murmured.

Read more »

Challenge #02085-E261: One Heartbreaking Revelation Far From Home

"Dragons are such majestic, Noble creatures!"

Drunk dragon forces its way through the doorway then collapses and starts snoring -- TheDragonsFlame

Marvin was grinning at everything around him like a child at their first Winterfeast Festival. He would giggle at odd moments and was almost vibrating with glee. Lady Anthe had her hood down for the first time since they had begun as an adventuring party because this was where the dragon-folk lived. Kobolds, Dragonborn, assorted Lizardkin, and actual real live Dragons

Read more »

Challenge #02076-E252: Omniphobia

"You said it wouldn't be scary this time!"

"Technically I said it wouldn't be a monster. "

"It's a dragon!"

"I stand by my statement!" -- OohLookShiny

[AN: This is before they meet and rescue Marvin in Dirt's Worth]

Wraithvine mentally ticked 'dragon' off the list of beasts that ze could make hir phantom steed appear to be like. The problem was that Kobolds like the freshly-renamed Chrysanthemum were renowned for their craven cowardice and apparently terrified of every possible mount they could

Read more »

Challenge #02075-E251: Safe Hide

When I first met you, I feared you, for I had heard the rumours and they weren’t pretty.

Then I got to know you. Your compassion saved me, your sympathy broke me, and your songs put me back together again, strange and misshapen but whole once again.

And now, after all that we’ve been through? Well, there’s no one I’d rather have by my side, friend. -- Anon Guest

First impressions are a son of a bitch, sometimes.

Read more »

Challenge #02059-E235: Betrayal is a Two-Way Street

“You really ought to learn not to be so trusting,” ze sneered. “The world’s a dangerous place.”

“Clearly you’ve never met a pissed-off human before.” She smiled. “Please, allow me to... enlighten you.” -- Anon Guest

The Human interlaced her fingers and twisted them about to make a sound like several walnuts being crushed at once. While the guards were wincing at that intolerable sound, she casually purloined one of their polearms and used it to stun the other one.

Read more »

Challenge #02058-E234: Microquest

Dragon Microbiologist. That is all. -- TheDragonsFlame

The beast had been spotted over rivers and streams. Its visits were always brief, but they were methodical. Which was why Sir Valiant had been able to catch it at this point.

"Hold," he demanded, when the dragon lit at this particular point in the river that fed the city its water. "What vile villainy do you have planned, foul beast?"

The dragon turned its mighty head and examined Sir Valiant with each eye. "Pardon?

Read more »

Challenge #02054-E230: Dirt's Worth

"Look I'm okay with you scapegoating this onto me-"

"What? Why!"

"But next time warn me first. Do you know how hard it is to turn a weak lie into a strong one with no background info?" -- OohLookShiny

"Okay," Marvin allowed. "But... I still need to know why. Most people react to being pushed under the omnibus with vengeance."

Lady Anthe sat on the table so she could level a glare at the Human Fighter. "I'm a Kobold. The first name

Read more »

Challenge #02049-E225: A Tiny Terror in Tulle

"You're my bestest friend ever!" "Because I supply you with deadly weapons?" "That's what only the best of friends would do!" -- TheDragonsFlame

[AN: Now I want a Google Search image with "Did you mean 'Bangladesh Dupree'?" in it]

It wasn't easy, working for Princess Hakenslash. She was going to be a fine Warrior Queen one day, presuming she survived to achieve the crown. She was eight, and already a terror in pink tulle and play fairy wings[1]. She wanted nothing

Read more »

Challenge #02048-E224: Small Miracle in a Bathhouse

I will follow you to the ends of the Earth with only mild complaining -- TheDragonsFlame

[AN: Callback to this because I like the concept]

So many miracles happened in Wraithvine's wake. But then, one could expect that sort of thing from an actual wizard. For a start, Wraithvine could make a gesture and everyone would not see her as a Kobold any more. They would see a Halfling, or a Gnome, or a Dwarf, or an Elven or Human child. It

Read more »

Challenge #02045-E221: What is Owed

(Person 1): "Ok, let's get one thing straight."

(Person 2): "Yes?"

(Person 1): Straightens painting hanging on wall -- TheDragonsFlame

Thief hunkered in a corner. She didn't know what she was thinking when she saved this Mage from the brigands, but now they feared their anger. Mages were glass cannons, it was true, but they were also vengeful shits who could turn -say- a kobold Rogue into a toad or worse. And Thief had lived her entire, brief life in fear of

Read more »

Challenge #02044-E220: One Post-Near-Wipe-Experience in a Dark and Dismal Dungeon

(Person 1): You Idiot!

(Person 2): I'm sure you're right, but why? -- TheDragonsFlame

"Okay," sighed Fanrel. "From the top. We're rescuing villagers from an evil cult that's into blood sacrifices. We use out best stealth to creep up on them while they're busy with the chanting. We're all nearly in position... and then you decide to leap up, scatter marbles all over the place and yell, 'Oo ma, oo ma, I can see your nickie-nahs'."

"It disrupted the ceremony," protested Jorgax.

Read more »