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Unlikely Heroes

A 12-post collection

Challenge #02165-E336: To Cross the Lake of Certain Death

So long, and thanks for all the ghoti. -- Anon Guest

They were large, piscine lifeforms, big enough to swallow a Goliath whole, and the lake they inhabited was as large as an entire country. It would take too long to go around. They had to go across somehow.

"You can fly, right?" said Anthe. "Just zip us across?"

Wraithvine said, "Look for what isn't here," and summoned an illusory globe via Prestidigitation and floated it out over the surface. It fizzled and died when the water was just deep enough to drown in. "Anti-magic field."

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Challenge #02164-E335: Gift For the Mage

“One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.”

– Professor Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone -- c/- Anon Guest

Lady Anthe smirked in the warm glow of the Candlenights Hearth and said, "You haven't looked hard enough, then."

There are downsides to sharing one's adventures with a Rogue, and not the ones that you might expect. Wraithvine still remembered

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Challenge #02163-E334: Don't Ask!

"We've got the girl, the gold, and didn't have to kill a single goon! What can possibly, realistically go wrong?!" -- Anon Guest

The Universe is glad to educate someone who asks silly questions like that. Melvin was behind on learning that question but clearly realised that he had said something wrong, the instant that Wraithvine and Lady Anthe smacked themselves in the face.

What could realistically go wrong was a thousand well-camouflaged guards coming out of the woodwork to oppose their

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Challenge #02158-E329: Shattering Performance

The noise was indescribable, and practically cleaning the windows. -- Anon Guest

If there is any sound in the entire planar system to be feared, it is that of a Kobold Bard about to commence a Traditional Kobold Folk Song.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." the Bard took another deep breath, "Eeeeenouncing salutations, my merry pack this day... We celebrate the ending of a knight who came to slay..."

Kobolds, being creatures of darkness and tunnels, had bats to teach them what music was. They do

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Challenge #02150-E321: Deal With the Deity

"I know that you are a higher being, like a god or something. But, for the love of everything that's sacred, can you please stop playing with the basic laws of physics for five minutes ?" -- Anon Guest

"Aw, but it's fun," said the Roaming Deity. A gesture made the Kobold Rogue now known as Lady Anthe float up to the ceiling again.

She bobbed around with a very put-upon expression on her tiny, draconic features. She had only shrieked once, when

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Challenge #02147-E318: Disturbing My Rest? Again?

"Why am I always either the meat shield or the distraction ?"

"Because you are the only one here that's immortal. And you got your regeneration thing."

"I may be immortal, but it doesn't change the fact that those pikes friggin hurt.... And it ruin my vest." -- Anon Guest

Never let anyone tell you that immortality is a blessing. Anyone with a lick of sense knows that it is a curse. It's even worse if you're immortal and an adventurer. Never mind

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Challenge #02144-E315: Terrifying Obstacles

(Person 1) (Quietly): So now we have to somehow get across this long metal hallway without making any noise. How are we gonna do this?

(Person 2): Pulls out (very long) rolled-up carpet from their backpack -- TheDragonsFlame

Marvin looked down at Lady Anthe and the carpet that was still unfurling down the metal hallway. "Really?" he whispered. "Are you prepared for everything?"

"I like to be," she whispered, grinning as the final tassels landed with a soft 'thwup'. It didn't set

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Challenge #02138-E309: Plot Thwart

"In my defense I'm not used to people listening when I speak." -- OohLookShiny

"In our defense," said Wraithvine, "you were the first of us to come up with a workable plan."

"Wasn't that workable," sighed Marvin. "We failed."

Lady Anthe, also chained to the wall of the dungeon, was smiling. Always be wary when a Kobold is smiling. "I wouldn't say that. We got into the castle. Objective one went without a hitch."

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Challenge #02108-E285: Failed Medicine Check

"What happened?"

"The kobold was thirsty and drank some brandy by accident." -- Anon Guest

On the plus side, the enemy was getting a routing it never suspected from a foe they couldn't even focus on. On the minus side, this had to be doing something awful for Chrysanthemum's bodily systems. Dragonkin had different biology to mammalian lifeforms. A drop of alcohol might dull a human's senses, but to one of reptillian descent... It was like a plus three Potion of Haste.

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Challenge #02076-E252: Omniphobia

"You said it wouldn't be scary this time!"

"Technically I said it wouldn't be a monster. "

"It's a dragon!"

"I stand by my statement!" -- OohLookShiny

[AN: This is before they meet and rescue Marvin in Dirt's Worth]

Wraithvine mentally ticked 'dragon' off the list of beasts that ze could make hir phantom steed appear to be like. The problem was that Kobolds like the freshly-renamed Chrysanthemum were renowned for their craven cowardice and apparently terrified of every possible mount they could

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Challenge #02054-E230: Dirt's Worth

"Look I'm okay with you scapegoating this onto me-"

"What? Why!"

"But next time warn me first. Do you know how hard it is to turn a weak lie into a strong one with no background info?" -- OohLookShiny

"Okay," Marvin allowed. "But... I still need to know why. Most people react to being pushed under the omnibus with vengeance."

Lady Anthe sat on the table so she could level a glare at the Human Fighter. "I'm a Kobold. The first name

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Challenge #01867-E043: Got'cha

[Person 1] “It’s no use! We’ll never make it in time!”

[Person 2] “Scoot over. I didn’t have my driving license revoked for nothing!” -- TheDragonsFlame

So. Let's recap. They were in what only appeared to be a Tuktuk, stuck in traffic, desperate to make it to the big public exposé to expose more than the badguy could ever want made public, and without much of a hope. Except the one that Els was uncannily good with machines and

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