Amalgam Universe

A 882-post collection

Challenge #02269-F079: Not Really That Deadly

Australia is a deathcountry. No talking back on that.

  • Giant Toads

  • poisonus Everything

  • f*ckt up climate everywhere

  • Birds, who defeated the Government (not even smart ones at that)

  • their Naming (Fairybread, Maccas,...)

Aliens learn of that from a human and an Aussie. (Will Australia receive an honorable Title of Deathcountry stage 5 or 5.5? You decide!) -- Anon Guest

Deathworld classifications work on how many factors can be seen as "being out to get" cogniscents who live there. These factors being one or more of: Flora, fauna, mycota(fungus), environment, weather, and the local solar system's quirks or foibles. For example, the Deathworld Majangahi is class three because of a hostile meteor swarm that regularly peppers the surface of the world with small craters, as well as a hostile weather system and a large population of venomous creatures.

Few have ever been able to classify a Death continent. At least, not before they met Australians.

"Nah, seriously. It gets deadly hot the further north you get. Queensland's not only used to temperatures of forty see[1], but also humidity so thick we swore they'd grow gills." Human Davo flapped their hands on either side of their neck in an imitation of a fish. "You've heard the catchy song we have about the wildlife," they sang a snippet, "Redback, funnelweb, blue-ringed octopus/ Taipan, tiger snake, adder, box jellyfish..."

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Challenge #02268-F078: A Light in You

I read an article a while back about humans having some sort of line system (like a fish with sensors) which controls for example diseases like (sorry not english: G├╝rtelrose[AN: Google says 'shingles']) it lays outside of the human visible spectrum. Only humans have this and no other animal or plants have.

Also we humans shine. Like really, really low, but still, we glow very weak in the dark. Again not visible for us.

But what if other aliens don't have

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Challenge #02267-F077: Friend? Friend!

Alien Snake-/Reptilian species meet the Human Race. Unfortunately (or Fortunately, depending on your viewpoint ^^) first contact happens between a snake lover (Pet the Snek !) and a proud Ambassador. -- Anon Guest

Many unfortunate First Contact situations have arisen because one or more cogniscent species in the encounter strongly resembles another's phobia species. We therefore recommend that all cogniscents finding themselves within a First Contact situation take a few moments to stop all voluntary movement, put down any tools, and properly assess

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Challenge #02266-F076: Toughest in the Room

"This thing all things devours:

Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;

Gnaws iron, bites steel;

Grinds hard stones to meal;

Slays kings, ruins town,

And beats high mountain down." - Gollum

Humans are the oldest, wisest but also the most curious and reckless species in the galaxy. -- Anon Guest

Humanity, thanks to various deep dives down one-way wormholes, is officially the oldest species in the known Universe. That said, they are still a dangerously deadly egotistical child race who also happen to be

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Challenge #02263-F073: Children Problems

Human children grow their teeth. Problems arise as consequence.

How would that be for species, wou have three rows with hundreds of teeth? How would they react to a human toddler with their special problems? -- Anon Guest

The Edge Territories. Here there be Humans. Raashig was assured that, as a Selachid, the Humans wouldn't attempt to start any aggression. That said, such assurances were not a guarantee. There was always a minimum of one Humans who was drunk enough, belligerent enough,

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Challenge #02262-F072: Cold Revenge by Proxy (Number 238)

Simply a story over a bloodthirsty psychopath, who listens to classical music, while ripping the faces of his enemies off and bathing in their blood.

Simply put, a normal Monday morning for him at work. -- Anon Guest

There is something to be said about Chamber Music. It inspires the mind. It lifts the spirits. It's an excellent counterpoint to the screams of your enemies. As an aficionado, I know it was originally created to provide a pleasant background to high society

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Challenge #02261-F071: They Love to Sing-a

"When an eel bites your thigh,

then you bleed out and die,

thats a Moray"

Humans will parody anything they like and especially catchy songs.

Even National Anthems. No matter the origin. -- Anon Guest

The local Humans were having an Untalent Show at the Choose Your Poison Drink[1], wherein all participants imbibed a lot of alcohol, got up onto the in-house stage, and demonstrated something they were horrible at. Either that, or it was Two Drink Minimum Karaoke Night. It

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Challenge #02260-F070: The Answer

42 is the answer to everything.

Aliens meet a fan of the series and are baffled, that 42 is the correct answer to every problem on their ship.

Coincidence or Joke ? -- Anon Guest

"Whoa. That's gotta be forty-two comets in a V-formation," stated Human Dug. Later assessment revealed that they were correct. There were exactly forty-two cometary masses grouped together and orbiting this particular sun.

This was a peculiarity of Human Dug. Forty-two was always the answer, and it always was

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Challenge #02259-F069: Got an Axe to Grind

The most destructive and deadly weapon of all is not an antimatter bomb. That place goes to a Human with ductape, a Multitool, a Target and no reason to not do it.

Or to care for his safety. -- Anon Guest

Humans have a lot of sayings concerning revenge. This should be enough warning for most species, but there are always an unfortunate few who are slow learners. Suffice to say that if your commanding officer decides to blast an isolated Human

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Challenge #02258-F068: MacGuyvering the Excrement...

A human uses a fire extinguisher, some glue, self-made rocket fuel, some ductape, bolts and other stuff to render an enemy vessel useless.

Be creative :-) -- Anon Guest

[AN: I always am, Nonny. You don't have to tell me]

"Okay," panted Human Ange. "Good news, bad news. Good news... we're alive so far. Yay." It was statements of alleged optimism like that that helped earn Humanity's reputation in the Alliance.

"Bad news," stated Gaurx, "We are sheltering in a supplies hold.

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Challenge #02257-F067: Terrans of the Deep

Human talk about their oceans flora and fauna and deep water creatures.

Needless to say, it only adds more reasons, why Humans and their Deathworld should have been classified way higher. -- Anon Guest

Humans love to explore. To them, nothing is more alluring than the path not taken, the nook unchecked, or the depths undelved. There is no length a Human will not go to in order to see what's there just because they can. It should therefore surprise few that,

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Challenge #02256-F066: First to Aid

A book written by an alien Medic over humans and their needs (physical/emotional/etc) medical "normal" procedures/operations for them, limits of humans (go wild and have fun with this one^^) and what to do with your human if sh*t hits the fan and emergency medical procedures (Bringing him back to life by smashing repeatedly his ribcage and forcing air in, stopping leaks, treating rocket fuel burn( how did he even get this?!?) , etc.)

Have fun and do your thing

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Challenge #02255-F065: We Welcome

The Hive of _________ could rule themself lucky. Enough food, no immediate threats and a happy broodmother.

All is well and quiet, until they need to integrate a human onboard one of their ships.

Even the drones are confused. They don't have a hive-system? They aren't born with their duties and jobs?

Just some casual integration on a Hiveship. What could go wrong? -- Anon Guest

Ysoptae Hive Identity Flitterfell was informed that they

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Challenge #02254-F064: The Universal Poison

Adrenaline and Caffeine. The worst substances in existence.

Highly deadly and poisonous to literally every life form in existence. No wonder, that hostile forces use it as tipping for their weapons, ammo, knives, etc.

They are feared. They are Powerful.

Until they fight their first human on a spaceship by a raid.

The attackers didn't know that it makes them stronger and near invincible.

The human didn't know, that they mean Add/Caffeine with "deadly poison".

The crew is afraid and doesn't

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Challenge #02253-F063: A Little Support

Havenworlders learn about same-gender-Relationships.

Yeah go from there wherever you are comfortable. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I'm glad you said that, OP]

Evolution is a funny old thing. It is driven - if one can call a system based around random mutations, chance, happenstance, and incidental accidents 'driven' - by the concept of preserving the next generation so that more generations will happen. On Deathworlds, this means that there has to be a portion of the population ready to nurture young that

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