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Realm of the InterNutter

Thoughts, stories and ideas.

Challenge #01879-E055: You Have Been Randomly Selected

In case of epic quest to save the world, it's never the Royal Guards or the veteran that we send. Because the guard must protect the Royal Family and the veteran are either too old or already dead. So it's always the rookies adventurers who will be blocked by a locked wooden door. -- Anon Guest

They had tried, once, and only once, to send the Great Hero to defeat the evil forces of darkness. What they discovered was the Unwritten Rule: Whatever you set out to face down will be the greatest challenge you have ever encountered. To send a Great Hero after the big bad was to invite horrors against which none were truly prepared. Not even the Great Hero.

It's a fable, now. A fairytale. But the Adventurers know the truth of it. Newbies just starting out don't face foes more powerful than Goblins and the occasional Orc. When they get up there, they start facing down Eldritch Horrors and otherworldly entities set on eating existence as it is known.

Rulers and nobles certainly know this, and publish a great reward (that will be inevitably claimed by a band of kids in gimcrack armour and some newly-acquired cool things) for ridding the realm of some slightly-nasty foe as a form of test before going against the true threat.

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Challenge #01878-E054: The Mating Game

[Title, "The Harkness Test"] Because if Humanity discovers Alien life without needing a xenocide (from either side), there will be at least 1 person who will try to mate with them. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Again, please do not make your prompt title part of your prompt. You could literally make your prompt title a serial number. I care about the prompt content, and doing the title stuff is a pain in my butt]

Some elementary truths about humans in general, and

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::Deep breath:: Fuck.

Monday. Following a weekend that was possibly 40% travel 30% hard beds, and 20% what the fuck are we gonna EAT? Leaving 10% for the socialisation that we actually went there to do.

It is possible to go on a Leyland's Tour and stick to Keto, but it's something of an uphill battle, at times. If all else fails, you can order a salad at Maccas, or go pick up something at a Coles. And there's always cheese cubes. Or cheese that

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Challenge #01877-E053: Working With the Dead

Sometimes the person you admire or love has a passion or hobby that they would really love to get stuff for. -- Anon Guest

Hobbyists are easy to buy for. Well. Most of them are. Gardeners will love you for getting a big bag of manure. Leatherworkers - the less said about the gross stuff that Leatherworkers would thank you for, the better. Especially if they do their own tanning. Arts and crafts people will be grateful for infinite art supplies.

But

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Ugh.

The real trouble with overnight accommodations is the shit you're willing to put up with for "just one night". The pillow's understuffed for me, but it's just one night. The bed's too hard for me, but it's just one night. The air con has no middle ground between freezing cold and stuffy warmth, but it's just one night...

And on it goes. Little minor annoyances that mount up to sleeping tense, sleeping really lightly, and not getting in a good sleep at

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Challenge #01876-E052: When You Put it That Way

National delicacy, the sort of stuff diplomats have to eat and appear to enjoy. Sheep's eyeballs and truly rotten fish come to mind. -- Anon Guest

"So what is this one?" And since this was the second time the Ambassador asked this question about the foodstuff before them, they didn't want to know what it was named. They wanted to know what it was made of.

"A goose's liver, after the animal has been force-fed to the point where said liver becomes

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Adventure?

We're travelling this weekend, and all my faithful readers here will know that I do not travel well. It's a long way to Bundaberg, and we will be staying overnight.

So therefore, I will be a wreck by Monday.

If I'm driving, we will be listening to MBMBAM, pronounced, M' bimbam. And short for My Brother, My Brother, and Me another brilliantly hilarious podcast by the Brothers McElroy. They take daft questions from the interwebs and turn them into ridiculous answers. It's

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Challenge #01875-E051: Earth's Deadliest...

“Humans? We are the most dangerous animal on earth. Not shark, not bear, not anything else. Us. Other animals, they kill when they need to, and only then. Kill for food, or for protection. We kill when we think we need to, kill when we want to... It is not the same.” -- Anon Guest

Humans are dangerous. The Galactic Alliance knows this. Having seen human transmissions, both of fantasy and fact, they know that humans are indomitable, hazardous, and insane. But

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So close...

I have 1 721 Steem. One thousand, seven hundred and twenty one. I need a solid eighteen hundred to have enough steem to get enough bitcoin to change into enough money to FINALLY get my Compy fixeded.

And buy my very own laptop that's 100% mine and I never have to worry about what sacrifices to make ever again. Yay.

Or it would have been if Bitcoin's value hadn't sunk like a stone, recently.

Now I have to save up to 2K

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Challenge #01874-E050: Welcome Back

“The risk I took was calculated, but man, I’m bad at math.” -- TheDragonsFlame

It was later. The wounds had been repaired and bandaged. The fires had been extinguished. The echoes of the explosions had long since died down. And Tierl was still pissed. Because she was waiting for Jan to wake up after the flakking mess she'd made. Sure, there were upsides and downsides to loving a Lucker, and this was the one that irritated Tierl the most. Watching time

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I Need a Break

Financial, emotional, whatever. No matter what relief I need, the only break I'm ever offered is skeletal.

We're overspending. And my finances mount up to a quarter of Beloved's income. The remainder of that does not cover the bills. And to put things into perspective, I can't just go out and flip burgers. I'm forty-five. I have few marketable skills. I'm not going to be preferred over someone else who can work for less, for longer.

Should I try to re-enter the

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Challenge #01873-E049: Infestation Reformation

Picture a Fallout style after-the-bombs postapocalyptic world, but we humans are extinct. Nothing but ruined buildings, leftover wreckage, wandering mutants of assorted types, and abandoned hoards of supplies like armor, food, tools, and weapons...

Meanwhile, on the other side of reality, the stereotype sword-n-sorcery fantasy realm gets so sick and tired of goblins - stupid, obnoxious, violent, vulgar little wretches that breed like rats on speed and can bounce back from just about anything short of incineration or wholesale dismemberment - that

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LATE!

I should have posted my Patreon stuff yesterday, but the distraction of being a lazy goldbrick got in my way. So I made myself post it this morning.

Yay.

And I can't help thinking that I skipped a week. Can't fathom how or when that happened. Nobody talks to me about this stuff. Even MeMum has stopped bothering me about the tardy stuff.

Autumn has more or less officially begun. Translated - I have put on Jeans for the first time this

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Challenge #01872-E048: Aftermath

[Person 1 wakes up] “Ugh... what happened?”

[Person 2] “Do you want me to start before or after you started a civil war?” -- TheDragonsFlame

There was a wild party going on. But there had been a wild party going on when he passed out. The headache said it had been more than a while, but the noise level said it hadn't been that long. Hwell reached for the electrolyte solution that Ax'and'l had thoughtfully set out, and left the covered bacon

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Okay. I can do this.

Ever had one of those days when inertia feels like the better option?

I'm feeling the thrall of soft pillows and warm blankets. And maybe a big burly bloke named Bruce to straighten my spine out for a change. And his "good pal" Sven to work the knots outta my muscles.

...ah, fantasy...

Ahem.

What I want to do and what I must do are two different things. Despite the fact that lounging around all day and scrolling through Tumblr is way

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