Humans are Insane

A 109-post collection

Challenge #02205-F015: Correcting Memetic Foibles

European Humans have Something around 2 % of DNA from the Neandertaler in them.

Humans share 50 to 80% of their DNA with the Common Banana.

All that separates US from Apes are roughly 1- 5 % genetic differences.

The Aliens learn about these Facts for the first Time.... -- Anon Guest

"A common mistake in early DNA studies is mistaking content for relationships. Some are indicators, like the two percent of DNA that some Humans share with Neanderthals. Or the ninety-eight percent that Humans share with bonobo chimps. Some less knowledgable people take facts like this..." the display showed a picture of a Ladyfinger banana and the text, Humans share 50 to 80% of their DNA with the common banana. "...and wonder if some Humans are more banana than others. Content is not always a direct relationship."

A new image, of a banana tree, attempting to insert itself in the traditional chain of Human evolution. It slid back and forth along the line, surrounding itself with an increasing number of question marks. The audience laughed.

"Of course it's ridiculous to expect that Humans are directly related to bananas. That is ridiculous. What's happened is that the Human genome is made of four nucleotides, as is everything that originated on Earth. Sooner or later, patterns are bound to repeat. It is those patterns that gain the percentage fascination we hear in memetic space. If people counted the nucleotides, Humans would be sharing one hundred percent of their DNA with literally every other living thing on their origin planet."

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Challenge #02203-F013: Pride Goeth...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IhnUgAaea4M -- Anon Guest

[AN: Offensensitivity warning for anglo-saxon four-letter words in the lyrics]

If there is any sign of a sickening nation, it is national egotism. Every time a nation gets a metaphorical big head, it is destined for collapse. Britannia did, once, rule the waves. Then it's empire collapsed in a rash of independence after the nation nearly collapsed due to two multinational wars in rapid succession.

America, once, was a great nation. Then

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Challenge #02202-F012: Examining Uncertain Truths

Humans have had alot of time and reasons to think up Gods and Dieties.

How would they(aliens) react If they learn about the flying Spaghetti-Monster-Religion or the disturbing Cult(ure) of Cthulu.

Or even worse.... Boy-bands and their fanatic Fans !

Have fun :-) -- Anon Guest

Welcome to Xenotheology, the most complicated course in the field of omnistudies. We begin by acknowledging that all faiths are true, for interesting values of 'true'. You will come across materials in this field of

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Challenge #02201-F011: Quantity Control

Havenworlders learn about Meat consumption, Animal-Stocking and The USA-Attitude of "more equals better". -- Anon Guest

Havenworlders are aware of carnivores on an intellectual level. Many understand that one species' nutrition doesn't work for all species. Some Havenworlders are insectivorous and adorably claim to be mighty hunters before they meet Deathworlders.

What surprised them is what some Deathworlders did in order to obtain meat.

"So. Since your kind invented agriculture, you attempted to farm meat like you farmed plant products," said Kiki,

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Challenge #02192-E363: Operating Soundtrack

The ship's human brought a ukulele on board, now they've infected the gravity drive. -- Anon Guest

Many Galactics assume that Humans are naturally musical. The fact is that it rather depends on the Human, and the truth of the matter is that a Human involved in jobs that require waiting for something to happen will take up a hobby for something to do. Some take up fibre crafts. Some take up art forms. Others... take up instruments.

Many wish that the

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Challenge #02171-E342: The Depths to Crawl

It will be called the Battle of the Somme. It will begin on a date that will be called July 1, 1916. In this charge, on the first day twenty-thousand men will die. Twenty-five thousand more will be wounded. But most will survive, and charge again another day.

Belisarius shook his head. "How-?"

We do not know. We do not fully understand humans, even the Great Ones. But you will do it. You will do it again and again and again. And

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Challenge #02159-E330: Understandable Precautions

A Havenworlder exploration vessel is exchanging stuff and ideas with a Terran exploration vessel. All is relaxed and going very well until one of the Terrans puts down their drinking vessel and declares the most terrifying words in all the multiverses -- "I've just had a thought!!" -- Anon Guest

Humans are Deathworlders. They have become gradually aware of this. Deathworlders and Havenworlders should not mix, but space is an unfriendly environment and sometimes you really need a big friend who is

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Challenge #02157-E328: The Melody Lingers On

few things annoy or irritate a human more than an unfinished tune or ditty...

ESPECIALLY the simplest ones, notably "a shave and a Haircut" and "Pop goes the Weasel" -- Adam in Darwin

Humans have an alarming attachment to rhythm and melody for a species so centred on sight. Many prefer to have "their tunes" in the background during work, and many more are victim to the Ice/Pressure phenomenon[1]. Humans say that music is a universal language, but even they

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Challenge #02153-E324: Canned Exodus

The Mom Mobile, either a titchy little car that is slightly larger than a phone booth or the massive Soccer Mom, haul anything including the whole team. -- Anon Guest

Men carry money. Women carry the world. -- Ancient Human Proverb.

Galactics can easily tell which gender secured the Human escape vessel. The tiny ones that barely fit the number of survivors and a minimal amount of survival supplies are generally procured by the males. The large and bulky ones with room

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Challenge #02145-E316: Pass the Ductape and Praise the Powers

"Well yeah, it works, but could it be better?" at this point groaning wasn't stopping the human from trying -- Anon Guest

There are two kinds of Humans, though debates abound as to which kinds those two are. In this case, though, the division is between those who say, "What the flakk, it runs," and those who say, "Yes, I know it's working perfectly fine, but what if it worked better than that?" Human Andi was one among the latter.

Like most

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Another week

Another Monday. Another tide of depressing news. We have ten years left, as a race, to save our own lives and the people with the power to actually change things won't do it because it's not profitable.

The Muppet has a minimum of two years in office. My own political representatives are more interested in stabbing each other in the back than they are in getting anything done.

I am watching the human race shoot itself in the foot because a greedy

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Challenge #02137-E308: Ante-Shattering Presents...

a documentary series by an alien film crew about the cultures of pre-shattering nations of earth

this week Americans.

loud, obnoxious, wildly opinionated, and with a cultural love of guns so deep that it never left. -- Anon Guest

A warning to all Havenworlders: This feature contains footage of Deathworlders, containing Deathworlders, and about Deathworlders. It is intended as a cultural analysis of pre-Shattering Terran identity groups. This episodes contains multiple explosions, loud Humans acting in violent ways, and portrayals of open

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Challenge #02136-E307: Sententiam Dei

War was always here. Before man was, war waited for him. The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner.- gesh xenobiologist -- Anon Guest

[AN: Since the Gesh are someone else's IP, I can't slot them into my Universe, but I know nothing of this world, so...]

Call me Combat. Since the first RNA chains struggled to combine in the first primordial ooze, I have been. I have not been engaged in activity, I just... existed. Divinities do not say, I think,

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Challenge #02134-E305: Terms of Combat Have Changed

A single inescapable fact is that humanity united with infinitely greater purpose in pursuit of war than they ever did in pursuit of peace. -- Anon Guest

Humans are not good at sharing, they say. Their origin planet was divided into thousands of groups identifying themselves with borders, religion, and culture to define battling clusters. When all of those were in common, lines divided amongst economic, gender identity, skin tone, and creedic boundaries.

All it took was one contact with visiting alien

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Challenge #02127-E298: Cruel and Unusual

"I swear, if you press that button one more time, I will end you!" -- Anon Guest

In all the universe, no instrument of chaos has ever been more diabolical than the demo button. There's certainly a Hell where the damned is a stocker for aisled upon aisles of toys with demo buttons and hyperactive children who press them all as they go by.

Swarm Leader Yrtuq is certain of this as a small child presses a button on a brightly coloured

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