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real life

A 3607-post collection

New Toys, Teething Trouble, etc

Game night kind'a knocks me around a bit. Not that I'd swap it for anything, though. It's the staying up past midnight combined with irrevocably waking after four hours' or less sleep.

I need a nippynap. Or twelve.

BUT... I did get to see the new toy in action - the new system for viewing our chosen entertainments, a combo of new drives and clever internet that should give us access to the things we love to see.

Which means I was basically bingeing Season Two of The Dragon Prince pretty much all morning.

The downside of this is having shows we have NO interest in that keep popping up despite our best efforts. We're still working on those.

And before I collapse into my planned afternoon coma, I have to write y'all some stories. Yay. Because:

  • Otherwise I won't be able to sleep
  • If I don't, there might not be a story
  • I don't want to break my six-year record
  • I'm fairly certain my daily output is the only thing that matters to some of y'all
  • I don't want to let you down despite tired, saggy self wanting to curl up for 24 hours and do diddly squat.

There may not be a flash fanfiction today because my saggy, tired arse needs a breather. It may be so late it's early. We shall see.

All in all, it's a good thing the weekends exist to absorb this damage.

Game day!

It's the Friday I've been looking forward to for what feels like forever. I get to go in and do D&D with Mayhem and even though tonight is likely going to be all plot&plan, I am STOKED.

One way or another, I'm going to learn about Homebrewing and I might enlist KIABIL to help out there since he's done that sort of thing before and actually knows the ropes instead of talking out of his arse.

Long rant

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Busiest Day

Mayhem has a ceremony thing going on today. I must provide parental support by being in the audience.

This also means that my usual schedule is shot to hell and may not happen until later this afternoon. Much later this afternoon.

All this not helped at all by the household wifi deciding to temporarily kark it and me having to reboot the little bugger.

Honestly. Some days, it's a wonder I get anything done at all.

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Wednesday!

Halfway through the week. Huzzah, I guess.

Because of assorted shenanigans, Chaos gets her tuck shop on Wednesdays now. It's complicated and involves:

  • Tuck shop only being open on Tuesdays and Wednesdays
  • An order-ahead system that completely obliterates the entire 'mercantile practice' thing
  • And also uses my credit card
  • "Healthy" choices that include sugary, flavoured milk 9_9 and processed, sugary juice
  • Also bread. Lots and lots of white, bad-for-you bread.

I might have to make the energy to come and talk

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::Confused Zombie Noises::

I need something. I dunno what it is, but I need it. I need it like air, because I'm sinking into the horrific realisation that maybe my bod is stress adapted and will actively seek being petrified of nothing because it thinks that's the state of normal.

What. The. Fuck.

I suspect that the Ashwagandha I'm taking isn't working as well as the Original Brand(tm) because it's the herbal supplement version and not the "clinical" version that reset my brain chemicals

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Mondays...

Another five days of grind are looming ahead. Another five days of slog and hoping for a decent time window to put my dreams even one baby step ahead.

I tried to have time off on the weekend and failed at that. I'm always putting aside my plns for other nonse. Other people's plans are way more important than my need to faff off.

Except...

Except I feel really worn out in the soul because it feels like I'm not getting enough

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Falling off the wagon

I love too many things with sugar in them.

Which is why my weight is up into the 77 kilo zone. Further from my ultimate goal of a scientifically-mandated 70 that I'm supposed to be at. I really need to stay away from the sweet things, but... They're firkin delicious, dangit.

I gotta stay solid on the wagon for at least two weeks. Or eat minimum as is my usual wont until such time as I reach something approaching a happy equilibrium.

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Ar En Ar

Having cleared 81K of B'Nar, I got in some good naps and some lovely steak at Hoggies. No surprise, I feel a lot better about my place in this world.

Sometimes, it helps to just... take a nap.

Of course, it's all because anxiety sucks. You get so stressed out that something snaps and the body's like, "F this S" and turns off all the adrenaline so all one is left with is the depression chemicals.

So now instead of being scared

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Once more...

  • Onto my bullshit
  • Unto the breach
  • With my lack of focus
  • Kitten brain

Pick any three. I'm blaming the carb feast my Beloved brought home for Valentimes. We're belaying the actual good food for tonight because like literally everywhere was booked out before we even thought of it. So Beloved brought home cheesecake, chocolate, ice cream, and macarons and we binged MacGuyver and ate a lot of crap.

Perfect couple's night IMHO.

Tonight, we're headed off to Hoggies for a belated Valentimes

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Valentimes!

Yes, I spelled that intentionally.

It's that time of year when the marketing push turns to love. Buy chocolates for the one you love. Buy flowers for the one you love. Buy this, buy that, show them you love them with...

Diamonds, flowers, gold, silver, wine, five-star dining, cars... they will attempt to equate money with love. That's because money can be reduced to numbers and that fits well with being able to quantify stuff.

Thing is...

I don't got the money

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My usual bullshit returneth

There's a meme on tumblr of a photoshopped etching that originally warned of communism, but is now... somewhat improved. Instead of the original caption, the spectre of Death now carries a giant scroll that reads, Lord help me, I'm back on my bullshit.

[Image of the very meme of which I spoke]

My bullshit is succumbing to assorted temptations instead of paying attention to what I should be doing for my own gorram good. Like... learning Java, CSS, how to do this

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So I fucked up. Again

I'm busy trying to be rational towards my anxiety, and it's not exactly working. I've made mistakes with my narrative choices before. It should be no big deal.

Except...

Except I've done this twice in the space of one month and I'm normally more careful about this kind of thing and, like the impending speeding ticket in the red tape stage of landing on me, I'm afraid this will somehow wreck my life plans.

Screwing up stories by saying things sideways or

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Cheevs?

I think I've plateau'd with adding flavour text to Faxephoun. At least, I have little idea of what to do next for that particular daydream. I need to do some research about building D&D worlds and modules. Set some stuff on stone and all that yadda yadda.

Yes, I am aware that this is ambitious as hell. Aim high, at least you don't shoot yourself in the foot.

My next side-project will likely be diddling about with RPG Maker if

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Fucking Anxiety at it Again

Whenever I try something big-for-me, there's always that spike of utter, abject terror that ends up with me hurting myself in strange and interesting ways.

For instance, yesterday I spilled hot soup on myself.

I wasn't hungry (warning sign) so I made myself a big ol' undertow mug of chicken stock broth. In the process of transferring the cup from the electric kettle stand to the bench where I planned to stir in the cream, I bumped the mug against the edge

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I did it!

I sent Adapting off and now the waiting game begins. The last potential publisher gets to wait until July or the other lot gets back to me, whichever happens first. They are my last, best hope (help me Obi-Wan Kenobi...). One gets back in 30 days, so word by the 12th of March or they don't want me. Their loss.

But I did it. I was brave and sent off the files they demanded. Yay me. Now I have most of an

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