Fucking Anxiety

A 33-post collection

Sunday, Day 0, Enough sleep?

Three new cases, one domestic and two imported. Seventy-four active, all of them are in hospital, and two of them are in the ICU. This now reveals that my math has been off about everything this entire time. Yay.

Ugh. At least I've learned that those in ICU are a subset of those in hospital.

Still not looking at the news. The lockdown and global shenanigans combined to make me sleep a lot because anxiety and depression can synergise like that. I don't feel like the Lockdown Sleepies are over yet. I can hope, but I'm still constantly tired and IDK how much of this is due to egg-shaped chocolate season.

After it is done, I shall be back on IRON HARD Keto for a week. Full on broth and fasting and suchlike. See if that works.

Today, my goals are thus:

  1. Write the Instant
  2. Maybe catch the Tale Foundry stream if I'm awake for that
  3. Enjoy too much chocolate
  4. Maybe catch up on Critical Role

Simple goals. Simple day. Simple writer.

...complicated stories.

Tuesday, Day 0, Locked Down

Brisbane, and perhaps the greater portion of Southeast Queensland, has been locked down for three days. I got this news in the afternoon of yesterday. Ten new cases this morning, four of them local. Seventy-three total active cases, sixty-three in hospital, and two in the ICU. That means eight people are stuck in a well-furnished box and bingeing Netflix or whatever.

I... am trying my hardest not to spiral into my previous lockdown mood, which was huddling in the bedroom and seeking

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Saturday, Day 0, Scramble

According to the government, there's seven new cases and the news is a new local transmission. I heard ten cases yesterday afternoon, but I have to trust the official sources.

Sixty-nine total cases [not nice], sixty-two in hospital, two in the ICU... and five remaining in captivity. It's hard to not panic.

Case 0 is in Stafford and has been communicable for a week. The alert is out for the Brisbane and Moreton City areas, so not in my or MeMum's neck

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Monday, Day 0, Better news

Only one new case today, and the active cases have dropped to thirty-six. A little bit of relief, but definitely not enough. The new case could be one for the history books, but that's awaiting tests to be certain. So here I stay, under my firkin rock.

My phone's newsfeed has been going off about how Hollywood has decided to come to Sunny Queensland and other Aussie destinations so they can do plague-free filming. I can only hope that every single one

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Thursday, Day Zero, Arts and Farts Time?

Two new cases from overseas, taking the total to twenty-six. We're approaching critical mass for the One Arsehole Theory. There's also a potential for a Karen from across the waters to find a way to bypass security and bring an even more virulent strain into our sunburned land.

Last I heard about things, Queensland -and then the rest of Australia- is reducing the number of people from overseas allowed to come in.

I am enacting some PLNs to get back into arts

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Wednesday, Day Zero, Fuddlenoggin

I woke up in the wee small hours this morrow and realised I'd forgotten to post the public Patreon thing... and then I realised that chapter three contains a slur. Used more than once.

Yeah, so it's four in the morning and I'm having some anxiety about that. Nevermind that absolutely nobody reads my firkin Wordpress nonsense. This is the sort of thing that gets someone up in arms some many years later when and if fame ever lands upon my brow.

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The Wheezing Continueth

My experimentation yesterday has revealed results. In that I can keep this compy functioning if I stick to the BARE MINIMUM of programs going at once. Mail, Markdown editor, and browser with only the necessary pages loaded. Nothing else.

Even then, it's slow as balls to get anything done, so... Yeah. I need to save up AU$1.5K so I can afford to get a new one and do all the things I dearly want to do. I already have the

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Back to Firkin Zero

What an amazing co-incidence. Queensland's borders open up and Covid-19 comes a-marching in. Who could have possibly predicted--

Everyone with an atom of sense, that's who!

...geez...

In the news:

  • Children once thought to be immune to Covid-19 consequences are now dying from Covid-19 in yet another example of wishful thinking combined with the people in charge not giving a fig about basic science principals so long as the all-hallowed economy flourishes
  • It has now been revealed that the Muppet attempted to
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I gotta but I don't wanna

I remember going through this during the 2012 floods. Frozen with fear and watching the news circle around. Just sitting and watching the devastation while I was holed up and listening to the ceaseless sound of rain. I couldn't move and I couldn't do anything else but stay informed.

I'm reaching a point where I don't want to leave the bed. I went to bed in the afternoon when I was done with my Instant and I spent the rest of the

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Hooray, it's the anxiety alarm clock

I've got one of those "It's do-able, but..." schedules today, and thank GROP the shrink visit is virtual because there's a high likelihood that I am going to be rat-faced tired before 5PM so I can start the cycle again. Whee.

It's 1AM so I'm officially too late to take a HTML-sleep [aka HTP-5, the nice concoction that metabolises into melatonin. If I took it now, I would be rat-faced exhausted all firkin day.

So. I'm up at one in the morning

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It's an INTERESTING day!

Woke up at a quarter to midnight and realised - hey, Toasty's having a stream and if I go back to sleep, the alarm is just going to wake me up grumpy and useless.

So I got up and pootled around [finished a chapter of Lust of the Demon Lord, to be posted on Patreon this week. Yay] and enjoyed some GOOD GOOD THIRST ART which is tickling the shipping receptors in my brain. This is a good thing.

Also today -

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Beautiful to Look At...

I finally made a beautiful-looking loaf:

[Shown here: A sourdough loaf still in the Dutch oven. It has risen like an angel]

The downside is that it feels worryingly dense and I fear we will be making some very pretty bruchetta with it. Ah well. I did everything "wrong" but at least it looks like it turned out lovely.

I used up the last of the White Wings wholemeal flour making this, and this is a list of the things I did:

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I have the fraids...

Got myself some fresh hot anxiety, directly from the oven of my gremlin brain. I don't even know why it's spiking NOW, but it's where I am and flakk this to heck and gone.

The focus on powering the economy in literally every nation is going to lead to more deaths and I'm just waiting for the hammer to fall. Scotty from Marketing is planning to cut Jobkeeper as soon as all the schools re-open because of course he is. This is

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The Clusterfuck Continueth

Just as they're easing restrictions, we have a cluster of new cases and who would have predicted this? Oh, wait. Literally everyone who knows how viruses work. Good job.

The conspiracy theorists have more fuel for their fire because a lab in Wuhan allegedly shut down due to some mishap. This could be: (a) a direct result of funding loss because The Muppet doesn't believe in science, (b) actual protocol related to a suit puncture or spillage or something of the ilk

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Some Fun Now

Miss Chaos is the only one staying home to prevent the spread of the plague. I might send her back to school as of next week, but this really requires a consult with Beloved and an honest discussion of the risks. Chaos can't take her phone with her and therefore can't use the alleged protection of the extant Covid tracking apps.

YAY.

Our most vulnerable to infection and spread [with bonus points for being inclined to be asymptomatic] can't use the one

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