Fucking Depression

A 21-post collection

Wednesday - Day Zero - Mor Shenanigans

THREE new cases from overseas and the odds of One Arsehole are increasing. It also means that there are more and more people with the plague attempting to reach areas without. That is, as I have previously stated, how you spread the plague.

One arsehole can shit on everything for everyone.

Election is happening in the USA and no matter who wins, the right wing will be firing upon the left wing. The only real difference is whether the ones with guns will be wearing MAGA hats or Police Uniforms.

I want the aliens to abduct me. I can get used to all the anal probes they want to do. I can NOT, and emphatically refuse to, get used to fascism existing in this world.

It's almost Bus O'clock as I write this, and I'm scared to look at the headlines. I'm going to pay no attention to the source of all strife, today.

  • Melbourne Cup's only female jockey under fire. Is it sexism or is it because of the horse? It's sexism. This was literally her first race
  • Kid in Melbourne died while swimming with friend in a river
  • Plague shuts down Sydney restaurant after it flaunted the rules. Shocker
  • China continues to rattle sabres over trade. This time it's allegedly about crayfish
  • NSW set to open borders with Victoria
  • Yet another horse dies whilst running the Melbourne Cup
  • Some idiot shoots up Vienna, still at large
  • Woman slut-shamed for having cleavage showing on a plane. What, like she's going to distract the pilots somehow?
  • Musk actually delivering high-speed satellite internet to the world
  • QLD authorities looking for a croc with its mouth taped shut so they can rescue the poor thing before it starves
  • Commonwealth bank puts a freeze on forced home sales that were caused by Covid
  • Burger King UK sends customers to Maccas UK [and other fast food places] as a show of solidarity during lockdown
  • ScoMo caught out in double-standard of "it's okay when it's my mates doing it" during AusPost debacle.

And now I retreat from the outside world and write some pleasing nonsense. Huzzah.

Sunday - Day Zero

All three cases found yesterday are foreign imports and already in quarantine, but it still resets my counter to zero and it still makes me stay largely at home doing buggerall with myself. Sigh.

Living with a chronic lung condition is firkin hell during times of an air-transmissable plague.

And it's sad that I just wrote that as if these were multiple occurrences. The truth is, we are just over the first wave. The second will happen when we believe we're safe

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Day One Once More

No new cases today and some rumblings that yesterday's new case may be a false positive. I refuse to take chances and count the false positives as positives anywhere.

Today's agenda includes household unfuckening and no bread. We still have an entire loaf that the family is disinterested in. I shall leave the baking of bread alone for another week. The family tends to tire of a homemade loaf now and again.

Shit happens.

Speaking of immense piles of shit:

  • Calls arise
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The Wheezing Continueth

My experimentation yesterday has revealed results. In that I can keep this compy functioning if I stick to the BARE MINIMUM of programs going at once. Mail, Markdown editor, and browser with only the necessary pages loaded. Nothing else.

Even then, it's slow as balls to get anything done, so... Yeah. I need to save up AU$1.5K so I can afford to get a new one and do all the things I dearly want to do. I already have the

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Some Good News PLS?

My favourite band in the whole wide world fired two members for bad behaviour. I'll drop the phrase "sexual misconduct" and leave the entire issue there. Ironically, the former member most vilified for such is also the most apologetic. The other one continues with the denial.

Sigh.

The band will continue, hopefully with better people in charge of certain areas.

Queensland is accepting somewhere in the region of 4K people (with permits) and anyone with Victoria number-plates is going to get some

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Counting up to fourteen. Again.

No new cases in Queensland again. Day one of fourteen.

I think I'm going to stay away from a majority of the Plague News because its effect is debilitating on my psyche. On the other hand, I am getting loads of sleep. It's just not good sleep because depression naps are not refreshing.

Going through the day exhausted is not good for mind, body, or soul.

Things that have reached past my filters so far:

  • Bloke in Victoria attempted to get into
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I gotta but I don't wanna

I remember going through this during the 2012 floods. Frozen with fear and watching the news circle around. Just sitting and watching the devastation while I was holed up and listening to the ceaseless sound of rain. I couldn't move and I couldn't do anything else but stay informed.

I'm reaching a point where I don't want to leave the bed. I went to bed in the afternoon when I was done with my Instant and I spent the rest of the

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Tuesday. I can't.

I didn't want to get out of bed, today. The world is falling apart. According to the vilest lies, Statistics, 87% of the USA are in favour of sensible quarantine procedures, including masks, social distancing, and staying home as much as humanly possible. Alas, the remaining 11% are the ones fucking things up for everyone else.

Speaking of the 11%... there's a bunch of them in dense public housing who are locked in for quarantine. They don't want tests for reasons that

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PLNs coming to close

I have two more meals to complete and pack, and one GIGANTIC stew to make with the rest of the veggies and to pack that... then I'm firkin DONE with meal prep.

Next step - documenting all this noise.

That promises to be some degree of "fun". How much all depends on how much I can be arsed by the end of it all. Details in my foodie blog when and if I can get motivated to do that. Recipe by recipe.

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Wednesday, Depression looms

I have left: One more sugarloaf than I have Wombok to match, and my version of coodles involves an even numbering of both for a fair flavour profile. I also have some untouched Bok/Pak Choy [I am too white to tell the difference, forgive me], a brace of spring onions, a plethora of broccoli, and a whole honkton of teeny zucchini and UNBELIEVABLY HUGE carrots.

I am seriously pondering making Coodles2: Electric Boogaloo - aka Carrot Noodles and seeing if that

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I Need a Day

I'm taking a break from my flash fanfiction today. I've been getting real dark of late and that's a sign of... something. I need a ray of hope. I need to stop looking at the news. I need...

I need a day of rest.

So, today, I'm focussing on the Instant, this blog, and that's it.

I'm calling it mental health. It might be a depression slump. I can't tell from here.

The news is dismal, my friends. My country's leaders are

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Sideways!

Disorganised today, dat-organised tomorrow.

And today was super-duper disorganised.

Because:

  • I didn't wanna get out of bed
  • Beloved needed me to track my food again
  • Which involved faffing about with a new app
  • Which made us late getting Mayhem to school
  • Chaos decided that she was "too tired" to be ready on time

And everything else has been a royal kerfluffle ever since.

I am tracking my macros, now, so that's a thing. And we'll likely find out that I'm nowhere near

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Deeeeeeep breaths...

I have an old slanguage term from my childhood days of shaking off disease. It's 'dishraggy'. As in, feeling like a limp, slightly greasy, overdue for a wash, dishrag.

It's a very floppy feeling. The effort to raise an arm is barely worth it. The greasiness resides in the soul, and can't be washed out with all the hot bubblebaths in the world.

So, in short, I am feeling 'better'. For limited definitions of 'better. I'm more mentally prepared to be functional,

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I hate this firkin spiral

Depression sucks. Spoonlessness sucks. I have no energy because I have the sads. I have the sads because I feel like I let everyone down. I let everyone down because I lack the energy to do things for everyone. I lack the energy to do things for myself.

Down and down I go
Round and round I go
In a spin...

Well it ain't that old black magic called love, that's for sure. I know where I'm headed and it isn't a

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Lo Batt Light

I have just enough energy. Which is a sad place to be, when you think of it.

I have just enough to do everything that needs must be done. But not quite enough to do the things I want to do or the things that are good for me. This is the third day that I've skipped my morning walk because I've lacked the time and the energy combined to do the thing.

Mayhem is still sick. I have just enough energy

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