InterNutter

Challenge #02065-E241: Once Upon a Crusade

"There's no such thing as an elephant."

"Then you have some very big wolves on this planet." -- Anon Guest

"Just think about it for a psalm," said Sir Thakkis. "A beast as large as a peasant's hut, walking on legs as thick as trees, with a nose like a serpent and ears like cloaks? It's too ridiculous to live. And, Frog, I have to remind you that we are on a holy quest and your heretical words have no place."

"I have to remind you that my name isn't Frog. I am Jasmine Saqqaf, and you had no right to take me prisoner."

"I rescued you from slavers. And since we currently have no church, I can't let you continue with your heathen name. We will give you a proper Christian name once we free the holy land in the name of the Holy Church of Our Saviour."

"If I'm so free, why am I in chains?"

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It's the Most Horrible Time...

At least for my asthmatic arse. Sneezin' and Wheezin' Season has commenced. I can tell by the way my throat feels closed up and I suddenly have a need for my preventers, puffers, and occasional nebuliser doses of my meds.

I have my faithful Max within arm's reach. And I always have a modicum of medication squirrelled away within the cargo space. I've had the better part of my entire life coping with not being able to breathe so this is more

Challenge #02064-E240: Evac Under Fire

I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. -- TheDragonsFlame

Gorx halted in mid-step. "Surely the Human phrase is, I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Is it not so?"

Human Warin stopped for hir. "Not today. Keep moving. I'll explain on the way." He waited for Gorx to get moving again. "What I just said is a malapropism. A mixing of metaphorical sayings for humour or -in this case- appropriate action." He broke off to race ahead

Urgle...

I am operating on less than six hours of sleep. Want to know how I know? I play Sunken Secrets on my phone. I sent some balloons away on a six-hour wait-fest before I went to sleep and woke up before they returned.

Needless to say, I am not the happiest of campers, this morrow.

I did a little something productive, ran out of idea, and attempted to return to sleep with mixed results. I got maybe a two-hour nap or less

Challenge #02063-E239: Barry Critiques Them Afterwards

(Person 1): "So this is how I die... With thunderous applause..."

(Person 2): "Stop being so dramatic." -- TheDragonsFlame

Taako had been through many adventures. He had travelled across a hundred realities. He had bargained away his beauty, his health, and a skill to save the world. But this? This had to be the toughest fight of his life. For example, strictly off the top of his head, the fifteen-point landing he'd just endured because this particular band of necromantic chucklefucks had

Sdrawckab!

Once again, I got my approach to organisation catty-corner, and did NOT focus on telling y'all about my alleged life before getting rolling on today's Instant.

Which, by the way, tips more than a hat-rack at The Adventure Zone. Spoilers if you haven't listened through.

Listen through, btw. It's full of dick jokes and cussing, but it's funny as hell and you WILL cry. It's one hell of a ride.

Ahem.

Today's plans involve pickling more strawberries and teaching my Beloved to

Challenge #02062-E238: Magical Progress Goes Twinkle

Unseen University's Hex nails the math for reliable translocation -- Anon Guest

Magic has rules. This is a fact as real as the turtle that swims underneath the world. Or the four elephants on its back that support the entire disk. In order to fly, one must drop an equal weight and really know how to stick the landing. Magic can turn lead into gold, but that gold will make you sick if you hang on to it for too long. For

Now I'm Pissed Off

Picture the scene: It's the day before yesterday. I put my heart and soul into, and wring myself out for, a piece that by all accounts should have knocked it out of the park.

One comment.

One reblog.

Some handful of likes.

Yesterday, I pretty much put my thumb up my butt and churn out a fill-in-the-blanks WWII Escape The POW Camp plotting.

One redistribution via Free Fiction Daily.

One clap on Medium.

One reblog.

I can argue that my least-effort vaguely-historically-accurate

Challenge #02061-E237: Escape the Camp

(Person 1): "What did you get in your care package from home?"

(Person 2, happily): "Military-grade explosives!" -- TheDragonsFlame

The weatherproof box said 'Plasticine' and contained some ridiculously disproportionate cartoon characters on it. Inside were wax-paper wrapped blocks of brightly-coloured stuff that one might expect to be plasticine. But, to a non-casual observer, it wasn't... quite... plasticine.

It was amazing that the guards let it past, to be honest. But then again, Monty and the boys had been spending months on putting

Friday Already?

I lost track, somewhere in the middle of the week. Nevertheless, I did manage to do all my blogly duties. And my writing quotas.

And I learned about this horseshit in which the people lobbying to quash climate change for profit are also preparing for a climate change related apocalypse by buying homes in New Zealand.

Sailing the hypocri-sea much?

Point that out to any of them and they have the power to firkin destroy your life.

I hate rich people.

They

Challenge #02060-E236: The Way to Make Change

Humans gonna Human -- TheDragonsFlame

A mother in a war zone hands her baby up to a complete stranger, knowing that they may never meet again, but her child has a chance at something better than this. Bullets sing through the air. Fire turns the surrounding landscape into tones of amber. And the last evacuation vehicle leaves the few remaining to their fate. The mother smiles anyway, and waves 'bye-bye' to her child. Pretending, perhaps for a last handful of minutes, that

I Dunno...

Liposomal vit C worked to lift my spirits, reset my energy levels, and otherwise make me make myself do things. BUT it tastes like arse and I really can't do my dose of that on the daily.

It's psychologically implausible.

Sugarless vit C comes in a handy "chewable" tablet that I swallow whole because I firkin hate chewable vitamins. It gets digested anyway, right? What sadistic genius invented "chewable" vitamins anyway?

I was made to suck on those intensely citrusy bastards when

Challenge #02059-E235: Betrayal is a Two-Way Street

“You really ought to learn not to be so trusting,” ze sneered. “The world’s a dangerous place.”

“Clearly you’ve never met a pissed-off human before.” She smiled. “Please, allow me to... enlighten you.” -- Anon Guest

The Human interlaced her fingers and twisted them about to make a sound like several walnuts being crushed at once. While the guards were wincing at that intolerable sound, she casually purloined one of their polearms and used it to stun the other one.

Self Discipline is...

Self discipline is doing the thing even when you don't want to.

Self discipline is turning off Discord so I'm not distracted as much.

Self discipline is setting my other browser windows to less interesting content so I don't wind up scrolling through shitposts all day.

Self discipline is allowing myself to have a small treat when I'm done with my work. Or it would be, if my dear little darlings hadn't left me with nothing but my Beloved's liquorice to snack

Challenge #02058-E234: Microquest

Dragon Microbiologist. That is all. -- TheDragonsFlame

The beast had been spotted over rivers and streams. Its visits were always brief, but they were methodical. Which was why Sir Valiant had been able to catch it at this point.

"Hold," he demanded, when the dragon lit at this particular point in the river that fed the city its water. "What vile villainy do you have planned, foul beast?"

The dragon turned its mighty head and examined Sir Valiant with each eye. "Pardon?

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Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Challenge #02065-E241: Once Upon a Crusade

It's the Most Horrible Time...

Challenge #02064-E240: Evac Under Fire

Urgle...

Challenge #02063-E239: Barry Critiques Them Afterwards

Sdrawckab!

Challenge #02062-E238: Magical Progress Goes Twinkle

Now I'm Pissed Off

Challenge #02061-E237: Escape the Camp

Friday Already?

Challenge #02060-E236: The Way to Make Change

I Dunno...

Challenge #02059-E235: Betrayal is a Two-Way Street

Self Discipline is...

Challenge #02058-E234: Microquest