Humans Are Space Orcs

A 199-post collection

Challenge #02416-F226: Pheromone Formula Number Nine

H: "oh SHIT"

I rushed in as soon as I can, noticing a pink liquid spread across the floor as I slipped on it.

H: "you should lock yourself in you sleeping quarter for a few hours"

My body began to heat up, as the human helped me up they look different form they was a moment ago, Breathing heavily.

M: "why should I?"

I was on the floor again, pulling the human down with me.

H: "Its a universal aphrodisiac" -- Anon Guest

Realistically, it shouldn't make sense. So many species had different body chemistry, different pheromones, different fertility cycles, different plumbing... Yet it was happening anyway. I was feeling in the mood for some solidly beneficial haptic feedback. Human Jaz was the same way, I could tell by their dilated pupils and elevated breathing.

"This is wrong," said Human Jaz. They were fighting their call of the wild and I had to wonder how. Truly, these creatures were as they said - space orcs. To resist something that powerful. They had to be powerful and I had to have them as my bedmate.

"Is it?" I challenged. "This feels just right to me. I can make it feel right by you." I couldn't understand how they could resist. The feeling was overtaking my brain. Some part of me still protested that I couldn't possibly mate with a Human, but that was a dull whisper compared to the part that was screaming about how I could find a way to make it work.

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Challenge #02397-F207: Spiced Up Encounter

One particular species has a SEVERE negative reaction to capsaicin. So, when a pirate group of them attack a ship, one human creates an air-locked cage covered in hot sauce. -- Anon Guest

"Wait, so they're level three Havenworlders? And they're trying to conquer this ship?" Human Jo seemed very confused.

"They do have superior weaponry," argued the Captain. "It is wiser to allow them to take what they want."

"Bugger that," said Human Sam. "They want trouble? We'll give 'em trouble.

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Challenge #02396-F206: They're Only Human

Alien: "It's only a First Contact with those.....um..... it reads here Huuuemaannts.... How bad can it go?"

Human: ... -- Anon Guest

"What level are they? Three? Three point five?"

"Four point five," said the underling. "Most of that is because of N'Oz and Australia."

"Pfft. Myths and legends. Everyone with a Deathworlder label exaggerates about their abilities. We're four point five. We can take them."

Those last eight words may well have been filed under "Famous Last Words". The underling, who

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Challenge #02382-F192: It's Just a Hobby

Captain: "You have nothing to worry about. Our only human crewmember is one of the nicest, sweetest humans you will ever meet."

Human: "I found my knives! Now, WHO THE HEY HID THEM FROM ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!?!?" -- Anon Guest

Rule Eleven: Never go anywhere without a knife. -- Leeroy Jethro Gibbs, historical Terran hero.

Civilisation in general holds certain truths to be self-evident. Such as the ability to make and safely use sharp things as one of the stages

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Challenge #02380-F190: Tasty Trade

Alien witnesses true fear in the eyes of a band of country roughneck mercs in the form of a single raised eyebrow of the group's diminutive elderly "grandmother" figure. Grown warriors, men and women, who have charged into the maw of insanity cowed by a 98lbs octogenarian.

Pretty pretty please. -- Yup

In all the known universe, there is little that is as unlikely to be terrifying as the words, "What the diddly gosh-darn heck're you kids got goin' on in here?

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Challenge #02378-F188: Anything You Can Do...

An idea for the humans/earth is space Australia. These aliens fight with their voice. But our songs are stronger. Opera singers? They can't even fathom, they just faint. Thought you'd have fun with it! Thank you -- Anon Guest

The Karolai had thought they were masters of tactics and the ultimate weapon. None had dared oppose them for a thousand years of glory. Their empire spanned most of a galactic arm, and they kept tight control of it with sonic weaponry.

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Challenge #02370-F180: Stone Tools and Bear Skins

An alien crew hires a discount group of human bodyguards to protect them on an expedition to a heavily forested/jungled planet to research the planet life. Murphy's law happens and the alien crew find out they hired the human group that is , as a group, a hybrid of MacGyver, John Wick, and the the A-Team. -- Anon Guest

One of the launch seats, heavily charred, fell out of the tree with a solid thud. The Human who dislodged it had got

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Challenge #02367-F177: Impossible Dreamers

If you think that "something" is impossible to do... Give it to humans and they will make it "possible" -- Anon Guest

Never tell a Human what's impossible. -- Galactic Alliance saying.

They had once said that travelling faster than light was impossible, just like time travel. Humans managed to find one-way wormholes, which utilised both, and then proceeded to use them to seed their colonies all over surprising corners of space. Humans, it seemed, accomplished six impossible things before teatime.

It

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Challenge #02357-F167: Armour-plated Badass

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6ODSKfPs0iA

Some species have chitin as Armour.

We Humans have interior Bones and Skin.

But what If an Alien species has developed an exterior Skin of Bone ? -- Anon Guest

There are very few examples of osteodermis extremis in cogniscent lifeforms. For Deathworlds, and the Deathworlders who dwell on them, it makes more evolutionary sense than -say- being small, mobile and squishy. Though not common, it's generally expected for Deathworlders of level four or above to

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Challenge #02347-F157: The Human Solution

Earth defense force/starship troopers based.

The galactic alliance, about the same time humans came in the alliance (but long enough for the alliance to realize humans' nature), is at war with a unintelligent but somehow space traveling insect race and are slowly losing. The alliance asks the humans for help to defeat them, asking for ships, attack vehicles, weapons, and soldiers. The humans misunderstand what they meant and take it as "Our equipment can only hold them, we need you humans

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Challenge #02340-F150: Situation Under Control

During an enemy attack on their cargo ship.

Human: "Be lucky you still have legs, because I collect those ! :-) "

Alien Crewmate: "Can you please Stop quoting Isaak from Battleborn?"

Human: "It works though! Just look at those wannabe Pirates!!" -- Anon Guest

There is a saying, Human is as Human does, and it has a multitude of meanings. In this case, the Human is one thin moral line away from outright sociopathy and psychopathy at the same time.

"You're lucky you

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Challenge #02327-F137: That's a Lot of Samples

An Exploratory Team stumbles upon a Pirate Hideout and gets ambushed. The scientists make peace with their imminent demise and the pirates begin to prematurely celebrate....Until the ships human shows up, very very angry. -- Anon Guest

They had been excited to see smoke. Specifically, controlled columns of smoke. That meant controlled fires. This, in turn, meant that there was intelligent life present. Science Team Four proceeded cautiously. They didn't want to pollute a starter civilisation with sightings of alien life.

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Challenge #02324-F134: Quill Dip'd in Poison Vile

Humans write a Letter in the style of Titus to Joseph Stalin to an Alien-Aggressor.

Fun for the Humans. Nightmares for the other Race. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I have immense trouble getting that style, but I shall attempt the spirit of it]

From: Admiral Eddington, Commander in Chief, Vanerio Colonial Armed Forces. To: Lord Commander Warchief Xyrkyrkyz, Head of the Vorax Raiding Fleet.

Sir, we had left you alive in Panrinton, chiefly so you could warn your fellows in regards to

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Challenge #02312-F122: Made it Home Alive

Rules for Fighting Humans:

Rule Number 1: Don't fight Humans.

Rule Number 2: DON'T FIGHT HUMANS !!!!!

Rule Number 3: IF you fight Humans, aim for the Brain!

Rule Numb......: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage ....................... FUUUUUUUUUUUCK -- Anon Guest

Humans are Deathworlders. Some think they are unstoppable. Many think they are monsters. Rumours fly about their unkillable aspect. News like Phineas Gage gets around. They have all kinds of procedures surrounding what to do if one spots a Human.

Step one:

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Challenge #02308-F118: Alternative Uses

Aliens discover energy drinks. The substances are highly corrosive and toxic. They first use it for maintenance of equipment.

Then they learn from the ships' human, that it is supposed to be DRUNK.

Fun for the human. Terror for the Crew.

Update for the Human-Manual. -- Anon Guest

Some products made by Humans for Humans simply perplex the other species within the Alliance. There have been a multitude of alternate uses for the things Humans made. Most of all, for their products

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