Humans Are Space Orcs

A 239-post collection

Challenge #02553-F363: Here There Be Sock Puppets

An enemy deathworlder, a xenophobe, constantly making life hell for the havenworlders around them. A general, proud, fierce, having suffered many tortures and never once broke, always escaped. But now, they were being held by humans. Pain meant nothing to them. When asked about the movements of new weaponry, the answer was always a snark and the spitting or words "Do your worst, I'll never say a word, you'll have to kill me."

The humans bring in what they call the 3rd degree. Several gasping, saying that's far too inhumane. How could they do that to any cognisant?? The humans reply they are running out of time and lives are at stake. The alien smirks, he'll never break, ever, no matter how much they strike at him, surely that simple brown box holds sharp blades and poisons, right? Then, as the box opens to reveal a simple doll, a puppet caricature of a lamb, and it's set right by the speaker leading into his prison, a song begins... "This is the song that never ends...it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, but they will keep on singing it forever just because... this is the song that never ends... it goes on and on....." -- Anon Guest

[AN: Thanks, Nonny, for the Youtube link to ten hours of that nonsense. I only watched one loop for curiosity's sake so ner]

Good news, they captured a Vorax Ur-king. Great news, they potentially knew everything about his horde's movements and plans. Bad news, the Ur-king wasn't talking. They were closed-mouthed and arrogant with it. "I'll never talk," said the Ur-king, who wouldn't even give their name. "You will not get any information about my horde or myself out of me. Waste all your resources. Try subjecting me to pain. Waste every minute of every day. Deprive me of anything you can think of. It would be faster to kill me."

The attending Humans seemed unimpressed. The Havenworlders sighed and said, "Very well. Please remember that we did give you this chance." Then they left the Ur-king alone in a room with two Humans, who started to smirk.

"Well, well, well, Mx Jones... They said they weren't going to talk. We might as well skip ahead and subject them to Lambchop."

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Challenge #02548-F358: Expect Them

Disasters happen and they turn up, usually in a camper-van/workshop. Mechanics, Electricians, Plumbers, the good ones keep their rates reasonable and do the insurance stuff for bread and butter and a bit of jam. The money is good, they leave behind grateful people, and good work. Their bonus is they have contacts everywhere for the next disaster. -- Anon Guest

No good deed goes unpunished, -- Ancient and confusing Human saying.

Disaster is inevitable. They divide a little patch of the

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Challenge #02524-F334: An Appeal

"On this show we talk about humans, and for the most part it's scary stuff. But not today. Because there is one thing you can't say to a human, "you can't"

Today we will tell the story of a human who was told, "You can't save everyone. You will just die trying" " -- Hyorky

Go hard or go home, -- Terran saying.

The two most fate-inducing words to say to a Human are, you can't. Humans will defy logic, reason, and the

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Challenge #02519-F329: For the Greater Good

Several Enforcers of Pax Humanis teamed up and took down a pirate's ship. They were tearing the ship apart from the inside-out when one hears crying in one of the cargo holds. Tearing the hold's doors off, they find dozens of children, human and haven-worlder, locked in cages with price tags already printed on the tops of them. Now they have children to care for, and the potential buyers? Were about to get a lesson in what it meant to mess with

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Challenge #02518-F328: Specific Listing Please

Traveling with Humans was, or rather is, a dangerous prospect. Freelance Freighter captains quickly learn that it is usually best to keep your human away from anything that can, could be made to, or might explode.

Hauling volatile chemicals? Heck no!

Mining equipment? That's just ASKING for trouble!

Precious metals? Why not just let the pirates know you're coming and save some time?

Logging equipment? Like, to record data? Seems harmless enough. Even fledgling colonies need some way to keep track of

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Challenge #02517-F327: Kintsugi Badass

The person was a bodyguard, and damn good at their job. However, others did not realize this when they saw the person. Sure the legs could have been replaced long ago with what they made from their work, but it was rather amusing when an enemy saw the bracings and the skin suit covered stumps, and assumed the lack of legs meant being helpless. -- Anon Guest

Sometimes, when the Human was in a good mood, they called themselves Brad the Broken.

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Challenge #02516-F326: Once a Sword

Better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.

Humans, while striving for peace, prepared for war. -- Anon Guest

Let's go in the garden, you'll find something waiting... -- Terran children's song.

This is a gardening planet. Call it Agraria. It has been specifically engineered for farming food crops for Terrans by Terrans. The people who choose to live there are called Vegans and they are, by and large, peaceful. They do not eat animal sourced

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Challenge #02505-F315: Useful in a Pinch

A: how pure should the acid be?

B: doesn’t matter as long it be acidic

A: kk

then I proceeded to watch the human put their finger down their throat -- Anon Guest

[AN: Content warning for vomiting]

Humans are great at improvising. Provided, of course, that you don't mind the kind of improvisation that Humans are capable of. For example, do not lock them in an empty room with nothing but a screwdriver and a hammer. Don't even think of

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Challenge #02500-F310: Bear's Big Story

Human Ryan came highly recommended by other Galactic Alliance Scientists and Explorers who had worked with him. As a 'gun for hire' he had survived more than a few wars, notably against other humans and the Vorax Fleets (notes that also had me reaching for my calming medicine). On the flip-side he was highly protective of the lives put in his charge. Braving hostile Flora, Fauna and even the very planets themselves to keep his promise of "no one is left behind.

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Challenge #02488-F298: Deathworlder Relaxation Activities

They had heard humans liked to camp outside from time to time to relax and enjoy themselves. There was no scientific research for it, they had good homes to live in, but humans, as they said to some of their companions, just liked to "rough it" from time to time. So, the havenworlders invited a group of humans to show them how to "rough it" on their world. By human standards, this world was an incredible paradise. To the havenworlders, the night

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Challenge #02485-F295: Something She Ate?

A: I didn’t know that humans spit acids

H: uhg we usually don’t, I think I ate something toxic

A: I see so the acid is used to neutralize the toxins

H: it really isn’t. Get back I’m gonna blow another chunk -- Anon Guest

[Offensensitivity warning: descriptions of regurgitation]

The Human digestive system is a mass of toxic substances in valved tubes. -- Gryxnu's Comparative Anatomy, 236 GalStand years before Human Admission into the Galactic Alliance.

221

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Challenge #02480-F290: Considering Invasion?

In the past, Nordic Human warriors in the midst of battle would enter into a “berserker state” where many of the brain limiters would turn off and force the body into using 100% of it strength to pummel the enemy into submission or death. Of course, this severely injure the body afterward, since the limiters were there to keep the muscles from ripping themselves apart and disrupting the organs, or from erupting. Also due to the adrenaline rush and rush of endorphins,

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Challenge #02476-F286: Lawless Lands

A deathworlder and a heavenworlder talk about a City/asteroid/planet, choose the size you want :D

-It's a place with no rules

-You always need rules

-Not this place, it's called "Kowloon" because it's based off a human city that had the same name. It was more dense than any other urban area on the face of terra... and it was ungoverned

-.... and conflicts between them ?

-Human gangs of criminals (triads) were resolving civil conflicts, creating a volunteer fire brigade,

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Challenge #02472-F282: GG Tho

Paintball, Nerf, Air Soft, fighting competitions, obstacle courses, ect., are all games where humans play at war. It was something their children even played, preparing them to be warriors in the future, no matter their adult occupations. They had plenty of competitions to show their strength, their prowess, their aggression, and their ability to take down an enemy. Often other humans. Some Vorax have the guts to challenge some humans to a game, wanting to prove to their leaders that humans are

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Challenge #02460-F270: Like Humans Do

"Don't worry I based this defence system off a deathworlder immune system"

As I ask in a shaken voice, "What kind?"

It bares its teeth, that I later I learned it was a sign of affection. "Humans"

(A quick lesson to the immune system https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQGOcOUBi6s) -- Anon Guest

The thing about Deathworlder immune systems, is that they evolved to deal with Deathworlder problems. As such, they could be viewed as needlessly complicated. They could also be

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