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Dear Diary

A 3680-post collection

You know what?

(Chicken butt)

Nah, but seriously. I think I'm going to keep monitoring my intake 'cause it seems to be working for me. Perhaps there's a psychological thing that triggers my brain into shifting the fat out or whatever, and just monitoring seems to work for some reason.

For example: The previously-mentioned glut of sugar and subsequent weight loss. See also the unaltered diet for the first few days with the altered weight loss.

I was good, yesterday. Deliberately choosing food options that kept me under calories as well as under macros. These food choices included some "Halo Top" salted caramel ice cream. And by "some", I mean the entire firkin tub.

I lost 0.3 Kilos instead of the usual 0.5 when I over-calorie and under-macro. Whatever. I'm taking that win.

This weekend, though, I am not indulging in any carbage that my Beloved brings home. Just. Not doing it. No matter how tempting the sugary treats, I am staying on the wagon. End of.

Even if I have to lock myself away in a fortress of solitude and yell at anyone who brings me carbage. I'm doing it. I'm determined to get down to my scientifically-approved weight and firkin stay there.

So ner.

Thursday

Not only do I have a crook Mayhem to fret about, but there's also a cleaning day. Mayhem's earliest appointment to see the Doc is right about exactly in the afternoon when I need to be watching for Chaos, so there's going to be some juggling there.

Fun times.

I dunno what the everloving eff is up with my bod. I'm under macros but over calories and it's either proof that calories are made up bullshit or something else be going on.

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Addle Daddle

I woke up convinced it was Tuesday, a fact not helped by Chaos' early morning tautology:

A Tuesday is still a Tuesday if it happens last week or if it happens today.

Well said, Miss Chaos. Well said.

But I still had a moment of existential dread about what yesterday was since I went and did my Patreon stuff yesterday. But no, it is Wednesday and the first thing I did with Chaos [after checking that it was Wednesday] was to help

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New Tactics

Usually, when waiting for Chaos' bus in the mornings, I devote a patch of my time to fanficcery. I've taken to using that time for progress on my novel. A few sentences or paragraphs here and there can make all the difference.

As in, all the difference between me having a patch of spare time and me not having any at all.

I've started downloading the Hero Kids kits I paid for. I may yet have time to read up and practice

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Murgledy

I.

Hate.

Cyclones.

Between one and two AM, this morning, I couldn't sleep for the pain in my face. And of course I couldn't be arsed getting up for painkillers because one firkin AM.

Ugh.

So yeah. I'm not on all cylinders this morning.

Mayhem is under the weather because local tummy bug, and my money run is going to include dropping off a piece of paper because doctor's notes have to happen.

He should be fine tomorrow. I, however, am not

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Every single Cyclone Season

A long-ish time ago, when both my little darlings were in Public School, I paid $3K to get my nose broken. Deviated septum correction so I wouldn't keep Beloved awake with my stentorian snoring.

Fast forward to today, and I can pick up on the presence of every single low pressure system anywhere between Townsville and myself makes my face hurt until there's either a big-arse rainstorm and I reset, or the whole dang system goes away.

The only thing that really

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New Toys, Teething Trouble, etc

Game night kind'a knocks me around a bit. Not that I'd swap it for anything, though. It's the staying up past midnight combined with irrevocably waking after four hours' or less sleep.

I need a nippynap. Or twelve.

BUT... I did get to see the new toy in action - the new system for viewing our chosen entertainments, a combo of new drives and clever internet that should give us access to the things we love to see.

Which means I was

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Game day!

It's the Friday I've been looking forward to for what feels like forever. I get to go in and do D&D with Mayhem and even though tonight is likely going to be all plot&plan, I am STOKED.

One way or another, I'm going to learn about Homebrewing and I might enlist KIABIL to help out there since he's done that sort of thing before and actually knows the ropes instead of talking out of his arse.

Long rant

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Busiest Day

Mayhem has a ceremony thing going on today. I must provide parental support by being in the audience.

This also means that my usual schedule is shot to hell and may not happen until later this afternoon. Much later this afternoon.

All this not helped at all by the household wifi deciding to temporarily kark it and me having to reboot the little bugger.

Honestly. Some days, it's a wonder I get anything done at all.

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Wednesday!

Halfway through the week. Huzzah, I guess.

Because of assorted shenanigans, Chaos gets her tuck shop on Wednesdays now. It's complicated and involves:

  • Tuck shop only being open on Tuesdays and Wednesdays
  • An order-ahead system that completely obliterates the entire 'mercantile practice' thing
  • And also uses my credit card
  • "Healthy" choices that include sugary, flavoured milk 9_9 and processed, sugary juice
  • Also bread. Lots and lots of white, bad-for-you bread.

I might have to make the energy to come and talk

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::Confused Zombie Noises::

I need something. I dunno what it is, but I need it. I need it like air, because I'm sinking into the horrific realisation that maybe my bod is stress adapted and will actively seek being petrified of nothing because it thinks that's the state of normal.

What. The. Fuck.

I suspect that the Ashwagandha I'm taking isn't working as well as the Original Brand(tm) because it's the herbal supplement version and not the "clinical" version that reset my brain chemicals

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Mondays...

Another five days of grind are looming ahead. Another five days of slog and hoping for a decent time window to put my dreams even one baby step ahead.

I tried to have time off on the weekend and failed at that. I'm always putting aside my plns for other nonse. Other people's plans are way more important than my need to faff off.

Except...

Except I feel really worn out in the soul because it feels like I'm not getting enough

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Falling off the wagon

I love too many things with sugar in them.

Which is why my weight is up into the 77 kilo zone. Further from my ultimate goal of a scientifically-mandated 70 that I'm supposed to be at. I really need to stay away from the sweet things, but... They're firkin delicious, dangit.

I gotta stay solid on the wagon for at least two weeks. Or eat minimum as is my usual wont until such time as I reach something approaching a happy equilibrium.

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Ar En Ar

Having cleared 81K of B'Nar, I got in some good naps and some lovely steak at Hoggies. No surprise, I feel a lot better about my place in this world.

Sometimes, it helps to just... take a nap.

Of course, it's all because anxiety sucks. You get so stressed out that something snaps and the body's like, "F this S" and turns off all the adrenaline so all one is left with is the depression chemicals.

So now instead of being scared

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Once more...

  • Onto my bullshit
  • Unto the breach
  • With my lack of focus
  • Kitten brain

Pick any three. I'm blaming the carb feast my Beloved brought home for Valentimes. We're belaying the actual good food for tonight because like literally everywhere was booked out before we even thought of it. So Beloved brought home cheesecake, chocolate, ice cream, and macarons and we binged MacGuyver and ate a lot of crap.

Perfect couple's night IMHO.

Tonight, we're headed off to Hoggies for a belated Valentimes

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