Realm of the InterNutter

Thoughts, stories and ideas.

Challenge #01454-C359: Wild Terra

The Irwin character and their adventures on Earth -- Anon Guest

[AN: once again, pre-yule shopping took me away from doing this]

"Now in most areas of human habitation, the goal is to cover as much of the body as possible. But here--" images of Surfer's Paradise, "--the rules are turned upside-down. Unless you're one of these blokes," images of surfers in their full-body surf suits. "Their vibrant colours tell the sharks that live in the water that they're not good to eat. And for those with plain colours? That's camouflage so the sharks don't spot them. Humans are entirely ingenious when it comes to methods to get what they want."

More footage of divers, some archival, exploring an environment that was clearly hostile. And one image of a human figure clad head to toe in a protective suit, bouncing along on the surface of their moon.

"I'm hidden so I don't disturb any of them," said the host as the view switched back to the humans on the beach. "These are not a species meant for life in the water, but that doesn't stop them. They even teach their young how to interact with the waves." Footage of a parental human and a baby barely able to stand. The former leaned over the latter and helped the baby along in the shallow water.

"Most life forms have an evolutionary choice. Go into the water and stay there, or stay out of it altogether. These humans are the first mammals I've seen with amphibian tendencies. But it doesn't end there!"

An image of a mountain. "This is the tallest mountain on planet Terra," another mountain, "And this is the deadliest. Every year, humans risk their lives just for bragging rights to say they made it to the top and some..." images of dead humans tangled in the snow, "never make it back down again. It's too high and too much trouble to bring the bodies back down, so other human climbers use the bodies as landmarks."

Now the camera focussed on the presenter. "I know what you're thinking, but these are deathworlders, life is difficult, challenging, and often short. Survival by any means is most definitely the law on this world. And my little friends, the humans? They're pretty good at surviving. Just take a look at the local population around my hide. I have neighbours who've had their bones broken - both by accident and design. I have neighbours who live with near-deadly mutations, and only a change in diet is required to keep them going. I have neighbours with debilitating diseases that will plague them for the rest of their lives... and with a few artificial aids... they just keep on with their days as if nothing is wrong." He showed pleasure to his audience, safely light-years away and on the other end of a wormhole chain and a long flight that the humans had yet to discover. "And I, for one, think that's amazing, and something we can all learn from."

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Quietly dying

The good news is: LCHF isn't killing me. The bad news is that dehydration got in the way first.

Not helped by the Lurgi and the infection it brought along for the ride.

When you're doing Keto, or LCHF, one of the big problems is getting enough liquids into you. The old sugary stuff could go down quick, for sure, but as you may recall, sugars are off the menu.

I don't know why so much liquid is needed... Maybe it's because

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Challenge #01453-C358: The Urban Human

An alien naturalist, performing a David Attenborough-style documentary on Earth.

Potential sequel: As above, but replace "David Attenborough" with "Steve Irwin". -- Shkspr1048

[AN: Sorry I'm so late, dear readers. Yulemas shopping spree]

"And this... is the average human population density of the planet Terra." The image showed the interior of a shopping mall on a slow hour. Humans populous enough to get in each others' way if they were determined to do so, but not enough to be in each others'

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Very slightly annoyed

Following yesterday's rant about Modern Medicine and how it likes patients being sick, I got a little bit more information about how things went.

The only alternatives available in the early 70's were (a) powdered formula that was probably mostly sugars or the wrong kinds of fats, and (b) canned milk. Neither of these did me any good. And, as far as I'm aware, the knowledge about the benefits of goat's milk came by random happenstance.

One article in the Lancet can

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Challenge #01452-C357: Cute and Bombproof

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/154304792219/jumperjohn-you-know-that-one-post-about-humans

"You know that one post about humans being really durable compared to aliens and that one about humans being really cute to aliens?

What if they were both true at the same time. Like the aliens decide to take their human on a landing mission because they get so excited and it’s so cute but then a storm hits and they crash. And the aliens are all freaking out because they can’t be

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Murderous Modern Medical Science

Yesterday, I promised you, my dear reader, that I would tell the sordid story of how modern medicine nearly snuffed my talent out in the cradle. But before I get onto that tale of intrigue, business ventures, and just plain fucking up... I have to define a few things.

"Modern Medicine", when I use it in the context of this story, is actually shorthand for "modern medicine at the time" because modern medicine is constantly in flux and capable of change. Except

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Challenge #01451-C356: Nice Doggy

"Aww! Whose a cute little puppy- poo!"

"I have seen dogs. That is definitely no where near a dog,"

"Oh, leave the little cutie alone,"

"I'm serious, are you blind?" -- OohLookShiny

Gorqax sighed. "Look. I can tell you're going to be pedantic about this. A dog is a non-cogniscent deathworlder mammal of Terran origin that is quadrupedal, fur-bearing, and carnivorous."

"Yes, that is the definition." Plegg rolled hir eyes.

"This creature that I am currently grooming is also a non-cogniscent deathworlder

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Ch-ch-chaaangeeeesss...

I thought I was zen about change. I thought I was cool with everything that SPG collectively decided to alter.

But then they announced that Sam Luke was leaving for his own artistic stuff, and my beloved woobie child Hatchworth was gone from the robots I adore.

So my ASD hatred of change kicked up and resulted in a stab of fear through the heart, and now I have the sads. It's not as if he's died for cryin' out loud, but

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Challenge #01450-C355: To Save the World

"I picked you up, even when you were covered in slime after he spat you out! You were technically vomit, and you were still the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on!" -- Anon Guest

"It's a good thing you told me about the uvula," she allowed, "but... a thing? Really?"

"Only by base technicality, dear," cooed Blasingstoke. "You are a machine."

Miss Cliq sighed at him. "Fine. You get away with it for now. No more objectifying cogniscents."

"Yes dear,

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Learning stuff

My favourite saying is, "I'm a writer. I research stuff for fun." Well, I'm going to have myself a lot of fun, sometime real soon now.

Why?

Because we're going to start ourselves on some aquaponics.

Aquaponics solves the problems of hydroponics (delivering nutrients into the system) and aquaculture (fish farming) has the similar problem of getting excess nutrients out of the system. Marry the two together and you get a self-sustaining system that has very little in the way of tweaking.

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Challenge #01449-C354: Sorry, I'm Redacted

[Person #1, in an actual, audible conversation]: [Person #2], I know you're frustrated, and I feel very ████ about that, but █████ ███████████ to ██████████ ██████ with ████████████ ██████████ ████ █████████

[Person #2]: STOP DOING THAT!!! -- RecklessPrudence

"I really can't, El. Ever since I signed a ND contract with ███████████, they installed an auto-redactor in my █████████████ so that no industry secrets can accidentally escape."

"Well, at least try to keep away from industry secrets, Vi."

"I would, but they've even copyrighted words like ████, and that's one of my favourites. I wish

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Definite improvements

Thanks to the antibiotic, I'm getting less green things coming out of me. And thanks to a little bit more approved carbs1, I'm getting rid of the nastiness at lightning rates.

I could do without the epic purge of mucous, about two hours after I've gone to bed... but that's just how my body wants to roll.

Hopefully, this will be the last time in my life that I'll be on antibiotics.

My breathing is easier. My mind is clear... and

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Challenge #01448-C353: Long-term Effects of Stupid Decisions

"In a fit of rage, he got extremely scientific."

Tour guide at the Oregon Vortex, possibly describing Stanford Pines. -- RecklessPrudence

"He employed every sensing device available, in the place where horses refused to go," said the guide. "And more than a few that he invented himself. Results were confounding, to say the least. Keep in mind that this occurred in the early twenty-first century, well before post-Shattering complete scanners. He had to collate and calculate his data on his own."

The

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Owwie, owwie, owwie

Yesterday, the blockage in my sinuses decided to stab me through the left cheekbone. Thereby giving me the worst sinus pain I have had in my life. It hurt to move. It certainly hurt to change elevations. In fact, all I wanted to do with my day was lie in bed and sleep it off.

The Keto sites recommended that, since this bug had bit me during Keto Flu, I actually raise my carb intake a smidgen. The explanation? My body, being

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Challenge #01447-C352: The Gratitude of Some People

Two people in danger

[Person #1] has a plan and gets them out of it

[Person #2]: THAT WAS CRAZY AND STUPID AND WE NEARLY DIED!!

[Person #1]: But it worked! -- RecklessPrudence

"We still nearly died!" ranted Mr'kish.

"I made sure we didn't. And, more importantly, I made sure you didn't. The proper words at this point are 'thank you'."

"You used your livesuit as an escape pod. You shot us out a torpedo tube..."

"In my defence, I was aiming

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