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Ketogenic Diet

A 14-post collection

Techie Day

I'm flying off across Brisbane to visit MeMum and hit all her tech with a hammer.

I also have to do Self-Shill Sunday [since Saturday was spent solely on cooking] and the daily Instant and queueing up tomorrow's Blasts From my Past.

And of course my compy likes to freeze at random times during all of this noise, delaying everything.

The good news is that the new batch of "muffins" seems to be a success. If burned a little.

To this bread recipe I did the following alterations:

  • Measure the warm water as hot water and allow to cool
  • But while it's cooling, steep a strawberry&mango teabag [You can use any aromatic tea that has strawberry as part of it] in that noise [because Miss Chaos does NOT like the smell of psyllium husk goop]
  • four punnets of fresh strawberries [that's a kilo of 'em in Australia, do your own conversions], take the tops off 'em, blend half into goo, and chop the other half into chunks
  • Mix the goo half in with the psyllium goo once your 'tea' is about room temperature1 or a little bit warmer [of course take the teabag out & squeeze it, doy]
  • Add the equivalent of a cup and a half of non-sugar sweetener to the coconut flour and stir in
  • Also increase the amount of baking soda to 2 teaspoons2.
  • We also added 100g each of: dried berry mix, pure cocoa melts [break them up], dried apple slices [chop these up small!], and smashed walnuts.
  • Which meant we needed about 125ml of real cream to make sure the mix was coherent.

I'm still working on the baking time [because burned muffins] but it's looking like twenty minutes for mini muffins and between thirty and forty for regular muffins. Always test and check.

I also learned that it's a bad idea to use a food processor to break up pure cocoa melts or chop up dried apple slices. Take heed from my mistakes, children. That noise will stick to EVERYTHING and refuse to go into the catcher area. Better off using a knife TBH.

BUT we got a "muffin" that doesn't smell bad and is acceptable in the taste department. Yay.

I got thirty-six mini-muffins and seven regular muffins out of all that noise.

All to help keep Miss Chaos regular.

She also loves the heck out of my variant on Crack Slaw. In which I probably overdo the vegetable content.

Because I'm allergic to roughly half of the Brassica family [the cabbage half] I have to make my own Slaw. This involves:

  • Four carrots, grated 'chunky'3
  • Half a red cabbage
  • Half a sugarloaf cabbage 4
  • One Quarter of a Wombok or Chinese cabbage [which is not really a cabbage]

For the leafy stuff, I take the yuk bits out of them and feed them through the fine slicer wheel of my food processor. Makes a Metric Fuckton of Coleslaw, and an Imperial Fuckton of Crack Slaw.

...which is all GONE before the end of the next day.

  1. I learned to my detriment that the warmer your water [or tea] is, the quicker the psyllium soaks up any extant liquid. Leaving you with dry psyllium lumps :P

  2. I like to sift the coconut flour and baking soda together. YMMV. I've also found that two teaspoons of baking soda makes for a slightly fluffier "bread".

  3. Since I love my food processor, I choose the large-gauge grating wheel and put the carrots in sideways.

  4. These are the only members of the cabbage family I can eat without MASSIVE INTESTINAL REVENGE


So I've been intermittent with taking my readings. I admit that. What I'm trying to do from this Saturday onwards is take a comprehensive reading of everything I can measure, and noting it down in a log.

For my "defaults", I'm using some measurements I already have. Mid-January, before I was going to go to Tucson and see my best band in the world. Which, because my memory from that time, I am calling the 15th of January, 2016.

On the 15th

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Swing mis-swung

We're going to have to take off closer to eight in the morning so that we don't have to wait on Chaos' teachers for half an hour.

Delivered unto school today: One hand-cranked spiralizer so Chaos can make zucchini noodles, two visual fact sheets for lo-carb, and one in-depth one with some of the involvements.

Not all of them, of course, but lo-carb hi-fat diets can help a lot of people. Starting with the basics seems a good way to manage things.

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MeMum asked me about the ins and outs of Keto or LCHF, this morning. For her doctor to read. And I am glad to provide any information about it at all.

Not only am I a writer who does research for fun, but I am also a nerd who loves sciencey things.

I admit. I am neither a doctor nor a dietician, but I have listened to enough of them to get the basic gist of how ketogenics works, and retell that

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Hidden Toxins

Okay. Now I'm pissed off. Beloved and I, and the mother-in-law, have discovered by complete accident that there's one place they put sugar, and you'd never suspect it at all.

Table salt.

It seems impossible. How can they add sugar to salt, right? You'd notice, wouldn't you. Well. Not so much.

Rewind to yesterday, we were having what we thought of as a nice, keto friendly broth and veg, and everything seemed to be fine. Until Beloved took their blood sugar reading

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It's 2017, time for change

I confess, I fell over sick and Yuletide happened, and the house... went to crap. Waiting for everyone else to get their tail in gear and help remove the mess they made has been an abominable failure.

So the first thing I did this AM was going around the house and emptying all the little litter bins. Now Chaos has one less avenue to be lazy about cleaning the heck up.

New surprise policy for my little darlings: First kid awake gets

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Quietly dying

The good news is: LCHF isn't killing me. The bad news is that dehydration got in the way first.

Not helped by the Lurgi and the infection it brought along for the ride.

When you're doing Keto, or LCHF, one of the big problems is getting enough liquids into you. The old sugary stuff could go down quick, for sure, but as you may recall, sugars are off the menu.

I don't know why so much liquid is needed... Maybe it's because

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Slow recovery and horrible green things

I'm pretty sure my virus is done. Hooray. I'm still coughing up things ranging from chartreuse to pea-green, including a random few bronchial casts1. And first thing in the morning, some of my ejecta is so dark that it could double as scabs.

Hooray for night-time drying effects? I guess?

And for those of you who are watching my weight with concern, I actually wobbled upwards by 0.1 of a kilo and am holding steady in the 84 kilo range.

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Arguing with doctors

As you know, I have Lurgi (I'm almost over it, now), and I went to see the local GP about that and the fact that I'm on the Ketogenic Diet so that my health is duly monitored.

I mentioned it a few times, but I had positive proof that she wasn't listening to me those three times. Because she actually started paying attention (sort of) when I asked her why she wasn't concerned.

And then I got the confusion.

First, the doctor

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MCT and how it's saved me

You all know how the Keto Flu has been kicking my butt of late. I'm really knocked about because I had a lot of fat stored in random places in by sad old body1.

And with loss of fat cells comes a loss of water weight (because stored fats also lead to water retention) which means peeing a lot, which also means loss of salt.

Which also means my immune system is knocked a bit off-kilter. Which is probably how my

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Heavy and Light Keto and how it kicks your butt

Beloved and I are doing heavy Keto, which means that we try to take a maximum of twenty grams of carbs per day.

Light Keto, on the other hand, allows you a maximum of fifty grams of carbs and is a lot easier on the body. You can have more ersatz rice or potato mash, for instance, by doing strange things to cauliflower. You can even have really small doses of actual rice or potato.

People doing Light Keto, for instance, never

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Converting the masses

Everyone who's figured out that modern medicine is trying to kill us for profit has had zero problems whatsoever flipping to Ketogenics, and flipping their nearest medic the bird. It's the people who believe in doctors like they believe in The Powers That Be1, who are all over the others with objections of their own.

  • "But my doctor says..."
  • "You need carbs (for brain function/to live)."
  • "That can't be good for your cholesterol..."
  • "But [CARB-LOADED THING] is healthy."
  • "But I
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Proof in the absence of pudding

This is my fourth day of doing the Ketogenic Diet and I have some fantastic news: I now weigh 87.4 kilos. My previous lowest record, recorded in 2012, was 87.7 kilos.

In four days, I have gone to my lowest recorded weight.

I feel energetic and happy and Beloved and I have gone on our 15-minute walk and not felt drained or strained as a direct result.

Hell, I even put on a load of washing before I was desperate

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I feel fantastic!

Okay, to start off, I have to note that what I've been calling the "Ketonic" Diet is actually the KETOGENIC Diet and works similar to Fatkins but doesn't induce Ketoacidosis like Fatkins does.

How? By replacing carbs with natural animal fats and the simple sugars found in fruit. That keeps the ketones behaving themselves and reduces the need for processed, carb-o-riffic nastiness that makes everyone fat.

That skim milk the doctors recommend based on the Lipid Theory? Carbs.

That lo-fat, Atkins-approved diet

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