Amalgam Universe

Challenge #02867-G310: Unexpected Bargain

A human, intent on preparing a treat for havenworlder shipmates, orders a large amount of sugar. Due to a mix-up somewhere along the line, this human receives a large delivery of sugarcane instead and, well, "waste not, want not" -- Anon Guest

"Wait. Why is this shipment in bales? I said 'boxes'..." Human Thal checked their invoice archives. "That's a 'B' in the receipt, but it doesn't say what that stands for... Oh shit, that's a big number..."

Something had yet again gone wrong with the Ships' Human who refused to use Rosetta Stone translation software when ordering from Alliance corporations who also refused to use Rosetta Stone software. No matter how many times the crew insisted that the software was useful, Human Thal insisted that it was a way to monitor activities.

Besides, Human Thal insisted, all network shops were identical. How badly could anyone possibly flakk things up? Everyone who knew the inherent prejudices of the Universe knew better than to ask questions that gave it the opportunity for demonstrations.

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Challenge #02865-G308: Actively Seeking Trouble

a continuation of this

“Yes a child would be perfect for unforeseen flaws.” Threp chuckled. Glorz glad seeing that their friend is chucking. Another person slides themselves in to the conversation “so, how many laws and regulations would this violate?” Threp replied “I remember humans have something called CPS by their standards, many.” -- Anon Guest

Threp and Glorz stared at Faera, who added, "Considering child labor laws, it may be more expensive to hire Human neophytes. Though they are a one-size-fits-most

Challenge #02864-G307: Aaw But They Look So Cute

My name? Not important. I'm a Xenobiologist. But some people know about my family. Sure our name's changed over the years, thankfully, but you can see old movies about them sometimes. I was born with an unusual gift. I can talk to animals. No, I'm not crazy, yes this has been very thoroughly been tested even with telepaths. I can talk to animals and they can understand me, and I can understand them. How is this possible? Good question, we never did

Challenge #02863-G306: Nothing That's Worth a Lot

A human had a poetry book that they took everywhere with them and enjoyed sitting and reading when they had time. Admittedly, time could be few and far between with their job. One poem she recited softly to herself from time to time had her liaison curious and he asked what it was she was muttering to herself. Her reply confused him because she stated it was a poem about nothing. But how could it be about nothing? All such works are

Challenge #02862-G305: Song of Triumph

For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself then he has naught, To say the things he truly feels, And not the words of one who kneels, The record shows I took the blows, And did it my way. -- Anon Guest

It was a Human song of triumph, so of course it contained references to violence and, because of the culture of origin, going it all alone. Which is ridiculous. Society doesn't exist on an individual basis.

Challenge #02861-G304: Well That Was Dumb

"Fuck!"

"Ow."

"...I'm bleeding." -- Anon Guest

Accidents happen quickly. Reactions to them differ. Humans have a shock response that insulates them from immediately feeling an injury. As a survival tactic, it's great for getting the people away from the threat, but in a more technologically advanced setting... it's disturbing to unprepared onlookers.

Human Dree had been working on something involving sharp tools and applied pressure. One of their multiple hobbies. The tool slipped, and the reaction was instant and automatic. "FLAKK!

Challenge #02860-G303: ART!

They had some pre-shattering videos they wanted to show their friends, a mixed group of havenworlders and level one and level two deathworlders. Once everyone was seated, they turned down the lights and began the video on the large screen. People, human-looking, painted up all in blue, playing techno music on improvised instruments. A fun, amusing, experience for the humans, but maybe a little confusing, if still fun, for everyone else.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkfqwlBzZN1b_H5DYQX7F9Vfdcu8uMrTi -- Blue Rules

Challenge #02858-G301: Enough Talk, Let's Fight

Humans fighting against claws and big animals were common things to watch in reports.

But the true, bloody fight is only when humans were fist-fighting against each other. Punching throats, kicking stomachs, smashing head against walls. -- Anon Guest

All around the Alliance, there is a genre of disturbing footage known as Humans Fighting Things. It is not generally recommended for Havenworlder viewing. Achivaas all over the Alliance and the Fellowship of Terran Planets alike scour it all to be sure that

Challenge #02855-G298: You Don't Have to Learn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOXB7348RPk -- Escla

Humans love music. They love to make it, they love to have it. It punctuates their lives, helps them focus, lifts their mood, and even lulls them to sleep. It permeates their cultures and can even entertain multitudes.

It can also be highly invasive, annoying, and a form of psychological warfare, and Humans know this. Especially Human Jo, who has been captured by enemy forces and is now one among many bargaining chips

Challenge #02853-G296: Sticky Plus Parts Equals Trouble

I would very much like to know what happened with the screwdriver and the lollipop in greater detail, please. -- Escla

[AN: The problem with Noodle Incidents is that the telling of the tale never matches the imagination resulting from the implications]

Pib was bored. Mama had fallen asleep, which meant that Pib could get into the no-no's. Pib knew it was naughty, but the no-no's were way more interesting than any of the allowed stuff. Most of the time the worst

Challenge #02852-G295: Her Name is Sweetums

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TDYDNTK_oo -- Anon Guest

It had to be a service animal, because it was wearing Medik red and Therapy black. Typical to Human delineation of 'pet', it had a small hat attached to its head via a loop of elastic. That, in combination for the vest/leash arrangement was a clear sign that the Human on the other end of the leash would rather sever a limb than part with the animal.

It was also

Challenge #02851-G294: Three Whacks With a Wet Noodle

Deathworlder parents mete out appropriate punishments to misbehaving deathworlder children. Chastisement to non-deathworlders is often much lighter, even if handed out by the same caregivers, and for good reason.

Human parent to human children: "Present butts!" (brandishes foam bat)

Human parent to non-human children: "I'm very disappointed in you" (pins children with The Look)

All children: "Wow, I got off easy compared to the other group" -- Anon Guest

[AN(&PSA): DO NOT BEAT YOUR CHILDREN FOR FLAKK'S SAKE! That is

Challenge #02845-G288: Mimicry of Comfort

It is a well-known fact that humans, especially human young, are excellent mimics. However, in addition to mimicking sounds, young humans also mimic words and phrases. While the ship's adult humans set about repelling an invasion, the crew had to hide with their offspring, a human too young to do battle, but still old enough to repeat back everything their parents said when they were scared...

"It's OK, I'm here" and "they can't get past my 'rents!" and "you take deep breaths,

Challenge #02844-G287: Therapy For Monsters

I've been wondering how the Galactic Alliance treats pedophiles who want help with, well, not being pedophiles anymore... -- Anon Guest

[AN: Eliminating pedophilia in its entirety begins with not normalising the sexualisation of younger bodies, infantilising sex play(and partners), the eradication of most, if not all, adult characteristics in adult partners, and so on. Once it's not culturally normalised, the entire predilection may also vanish. So let's take this as a statistical anomaly in the future of my dreams]

The

Challenge #02843-G286: Storm Damage

The tour-group had gone to the plains of the region known as the United States and was at a museum that told of such things as the Great Depression, and how humans had caused such damage to their lands that this region even suffered a catastrophe known as the Dust Bowl, when a loud warning blared out. A particularly large tornado was on its way.

Fortunately, the place had shelters to survive even an F5 so no one was hurt, or killed,

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A 2270-post collection

Challenge #02867-G310: Unexpected Bargain

Challenge #02865-G308: Actively Seeking Trouble

Challenge #02864-G307: Aaw But They Look So Cute

Challenge #02863-G306: Nothing That's Worth a Lot

Challenge #02862-G305: Song of Triumph

Challenge #02861-G304: Well That Was Dumb

Challenge #02860-G303: ART!

Challenge #02858-G301: Enough Talk, Let's Fight

Challenge #02855-G298: You Don't Have to Learn

Challenge #02853-G296: Sticky Plus Parts Equals Trouble

Challenge #02852-G295: Her Name is Sweetums

Challenge #02851-G294: Three Whacks With a Wet Noodle

Challenge #02845-G288: Mimicry of Comfort

Challenge #02844-G287: Therapy For Monsters

Challenge #02843-G286: Storm Damage