InterNutter

Challenge #02109-E286: Meat-ing Place

The Galactic community knows that the human race is omnivorous and that they sometimes prefer meat when stranded or when supplies are low, willingly giving up one dietary options to any remaining crew in order to save them. It was a smart evolutionary path that many alien scholars believed was essential for surviving such a deadly world like Terra.

But no one could have foreseen how much the human race could love meat. Covet it. And fight for it so strongly that they would mentally de-evolve back to their pre-awakened state.

That was until they discovered BBQ season. -- Amberfox

BBQ: Abbrev. for Barbecue (n). A Human activity in which Humans go outdoors or to the nearest alternative to outdoors in order to cook meat on an open fire, or an exposed grill. -- The Galactic Alliance's Guide to Human Activities.

Humans had just been welcomed into the Galactic Alliance and with them came a spike in complaints about the parks. They all homogenised into the phrase, There is nowhere to barbecue.

Sherlock, curious about the complaint, found one of the Humans in the outer reaches of the station and asked, "Can you tell me about this 'barbecue' thing you and your people are demanding?"

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FUBAR Day!

Mayhem needs some paperwork signed at his traineeship. I, therefore, have to uproot my usual Friday routine, get a transit card, travel with Mayhem to the city, sign documents, travel back, go home, and then fulfil my usual daily tasks.

At least I'm taking my lappy with me so I can work on my novel in transit. One bright point is that I get my 1K words in relatively early so I can focus (ha!) on other things.

What it means to

Challenge #02108-E285: Failed Medicine Check

"What happened?"

"The kobold was thirsty and drank some brandy by accident." -- Anon Guest

On the plus side, the enemy was getting a routing it never suspected from a foe they couldn't even focus on. On the minus side, this had to be doing something awful for Chrysanthemum's bodily systems. Dragonkin had different biology to mammalian lifeforms. A drop of alcohol might dull a human's senses, but to one of reptillian descent... It was like a plus three Potion of Haste.

Edging Towards Normal?

So, my internet went do-lally at the exact same time that YouTube crashed, and I only learned it was a thing after some semblance of connectivity restored itself and I saw all the memes.

I missed an international event because my internet access was that shit.

Only I could roll a nat one on perception like that, folks.

It's cleaning day, so things might be delayed.

Challenge #02107-E284: Picking Sides

“You’re fired from the War. In fact, you’re entire adrenaline-crazy species is fired from the War!”

“Umm... I don’t think that’s how that works.” -- Anon Guest

"Breach of contract," howled Admiral Nagisok. "I've been criminally mislead. You were supposed to excel at war."

"Yeah, we do," said Human Sam.

"LIES!" Nagisok pointed out to the battle map, where thousands of points of light were blinking on and off. "You've made this war far worse than it ever

The Internet is So Slow

It's not fair. I only just got used to the relative breakneck speed of the NBN and now flood season has firkin ruined it with moisture adulterating the signal. I can barely get my normal shit done.

Good news: We have meat to satiate my little darlings' need for variety.

Bad news: It all needs packing up.

Good news: I have the gigantic crochet hook for my gaseous project.

Bad news: I have to go hunting for a really big ball of

Challenge #02106-E283: Tech Support for the Undead

There is some things that I needed to adapt to when I first worked with Madam.

She's a 500-years old vampire

She is totally clueless about recent technologies (it's a miracle that she know how to use a floppy disk)

She mixes nearly all slang from the last 5 centuries. -- Anon Guest

Lifelong employment, the advertisement read. Administrative assistant to long-lived nobility. Room and board included. Living wages, transport provided. I didn't believe it, of course. Something this good had to

Oh, it's All So Nice...

There's an old comedy song and, like most old comedy songs, it hasn't aged well. I don't remember all of it because I have a mind like a steel seive, but the chorus has stuck with me.

Oh, it's all so nice in the nuthouse/ All alone in me little padded cell/ Oh it's all so nice in the nuthouse/ And the doctors and the nurses treat me well...

Today... promises to be one of those days where I wish someone else

Challenge #02105-E282: Iconography

Scholars of the Galactic Alliance study ancient human gods; the likes of Apollo, Coyote, Mr. Rogers, Bob Ross, and Ronald McDonald. -- shkspr1048

"The changing roles of icons in culture is a fascinating process. Take this fellow," a picture of Apollo. "A figure from ancient Terran culture. He has been, at various times, the God of music, truth, prophecy, the sun, light, plague, and poetry. The Greeks and the Romans alike got things confused for a while, of course. After he faded

Hello the Clusterfuck

Beloved hasn't done shit for the taxes save for printing their information, so now it's up to me to do the thing. Before Friday.

Fortunately, the local accountants are amenable and I have an appointment early tomorrow so I can get this shiznit out of the way ASAP.

Come next financial year, I am pestering Beloved to get things over with before their weekends are eaten alive by the Melbourne Cup Monster.

Things to look forward to - a new episode of

Challenge #02104-E281: Miscommunication Malfunction

Human: "Now you're thinking like a human!"

Alien: Internally screaming -- Anon Guest

"No. I didn't-- I'm not-- I don't-- That was sarcasm, Human Jae..."

Human Jae looked briefly alarmed, "And that was a joke, Joyse. I was kidding."

Joyse breathed again. "Good. The last thing I want is to discover that Human Insanity is contagious. Please keep your joking to a minimum in this endeavour, thank you."

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Yes!

The internet is back up despite the sogginess of the atmosphere, so my best guess is some form of minor corrosion has reconnected the points. One would think that an internet system would be built to ameliorate minor flooding, or major flooding. Especially in a land where droughts and flooding rain are a cyclical thing.

...but here we are, I guess.

Followers of my Plot Kittens File will note that there's another plot kitten and another exerpt waiting your eager eyes. The

Challenge #02104-E280: Personal Augmentation Options

Humans introduce aliens to cosmetics, not all would go in their original place. -- Knitnan

Humans are well known to be attracted to shiny things. This eventually resulted in Humans making themselves shiny in order to attract mates. Jewellery is an almost universal concept, though not always universal in execution. Makeup, on the other hand, is not as universal as one might expect.

"So... you apply paint to your exterior to look more attractive?"

"Getting closer," said Human Jaz. "We call it

Not Much Data

The weather has knocked out my usual internet connection. You read that right. A system initially designed to survive the Nuclear Holocaust has been knocked out by water getting into the connections.

Real life sucks.

So. In order to actually get today's tale out into the world, I'm currently using phone data to transmit.

The effort to not procrastinate is intense, y'all. I'm not succeeding that great at it either.

When my Instant is done, I get back to the shittier side

Challenge #02103-E279: Miracle Madman

"I believe I can flyyyy!"

"How did you get up there?!" -- OohLookShiny

"It's very simple," said Jarrin The Mad. "You just forget about gravity for a while. Remembering it again is the tricky part. You have to remember in little bits."

Nurse Rhyko squinted at him as he drifted towards a chair. "How the heck can anyone remember gravity in little bits?"

"Have we met? said Jarrin The Mad. "They call me Jarrin The Mad. I can remember five impossible things

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Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Challenge #02109-E286: Meat-ing Place

FUBAR Day!

Challenge #02108-E285: Failed Medicine Check

Edging Towards Normal?

Challenge #02107-E284: Picking Sides

The Internet is So Slow

Challenge #02106-E283: Tech Support for the Undead

Oh, it's All So Nice...

Challenge #02105-E282: Iconography

Hello the Clusterfuck

Challenge #02104-E281: Miscommunication Malfunction

Yes!

Challenge #02104-E280: Personal Augmentation Options

Not Much Data

Challenge #02103-E279: Miracle Madman