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real life

A 3621-post collection

What a wonderful day for my messed-up mind

Yesterday, I was having a sort-of ok day. As in, I didn't feel completely atrocious and that was a step forward. One... giant leap, if you will.

BUT I also noticed that my asthma meds were playing me up and I really should talk to the Quack because I should not be oscillating so frequently between tremula and lack of air.

According to my nails, I'm getting plenty of oxygen. According to my sensation of breathing, I'm struggling to get air.

That's bad. Something is wrong.

Beloved urged me to make an appointment, but my emotional frailty from the last week let me down and I wasn't ready to do it.

Until the middle of yesterday when the left side of my neck and jaw felt "funny".

My paranoia immediately classified this as heart problems and I was spurred by inspired desperation to make an appointment. Which is happening today. Which I am now irrationally afraid of going to.

MeMum's the same way. "What if they tell me I'm dying?" "What if it's cancer and I only have _____ to live?" and so on. So I'm telling myself the same thing I tell MeMum. Early diagnosis goes a long way towards solving it better.

I need a change in meds because this lot doesn't seem to be doing its jobs. And it appears to be doing me a damage. Once that's sorted, I can -ha!- breathe easier.

But I'm still bringing my lappy in case they need to drag me off to the hospital. Fun times.

Deeeeeeep breaths...

I have an old slanguage term from my childhood days of shaking off disease. It's 'dishraggy'. As in, feeling like a limp, slightly greasy, overdue for a wash, dishrag.

It's a very floppy feeling. The effort to raise an arm is barely worth it. The greasiness resides in the soul, and can't be washed out with all the hot bubblebaths in the world.

So, in short, I am feeling 'better'. For limited definitions of 'better. I'm more mentally prepared to be functional,

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I hate this firkin spiral

Depression sucks. Spoonlessness sucks. I have no energy because I have the sads. I have the sads because I feel like I let everyone down. I let everyone down because I lack the energy to do things for everyone. I lack the energy to do things for myself.

Down and down I go
Round and round I go
In a spin...

Well it ain't that old black magic called love, that's for sure. I know where I'm headed and it isn't a

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Urggh, I feel GROOOOSSSSSS

There's a cartoon that's shared often on Tumblr, and I relate to it greatly today.

Original Post

In my case, I've got anxiety, depression, and malaise all queueing up behind the aches and pains. Along with the usual self-doubt and defeatism that makes my life such a fun, rollercoaster-esque, dizzying, mad whirl 9_9

And in the back of my head, there's this firkin annoying little optimist who insists that I can do the thing because it will be "such fun". Yeah

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Fargnax!

MeMum actually rang and insisted that we couldn't come over and fix her computer, including the issues she had with a naughty printer because of the vital importance of copying important documents from it by hand.

Read that over a few times and try to unriddle it, because I am firkin lost.

If only there was an easier way to get those things. Like... having a device that could print copies on demand. But obviously the need for having copies of documents

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Teh PLN

MeMum's compy has been going do-lally and not behaving according to wants. And there was mention of clicking a pop-up... which might mean virii have been installed.

But then again, MeMum is legendary with technological incompetence, and could not properly install the last virus. For all I know, everything is (a) hunky, (b) dory, and, (c) not plugged in properly (again).

Nevertheless, I am installing a damn add blocker. I know some good ones. And so does Beloved.

The little darlings have

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I overdid it yesterday

I'm still not over this blasted bug, but I'm over enough to think that I can get back to healthy life.

In this case - it was a trip to the local shops to replace some foods and obtain a new potato chipper. You know the ones. The grid of blades that you feet spuds through and turn them into chips.

I was planning to use it on carrots, but that's not the story.

One trip to Woolies and one mall-crawl that

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Foam, foam, I'm deranged

If you sung that title, then you might be capable of sharing my headspace right now. Because I have my digital copy of Quintessential by Steam Powered Giraffe. Get your copy today!

I am feeling the love today. This one album of 12 songs is going to be my soundtrack for quite a bit because I'm one of those nerds who listens to one album until it makes everyone else's ears bleed.

The band has continued the fine tradition of creating songs

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Today's the Day!

I am a happy, bouncing, frothing little fanbot this morning, because the best band in the world, Steam Powered Giraffe, are releasing their newest album, Quintessential in less than six and a half hours.

I have already tuned in to the pending livestream. Where a bunch of like-minded nerds fanmily are also lying in wait and foaming at each other.

I will once again be totally incorrigible. Playing the album over and over and over, often at full blast, until everyone begs

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Sick Games I play

That is, games I play when I'm sick.

Like: "Is it really this cold, or am I feverish?"
Or: "Am I tired from virus fighting or depression?"
Or: "What dose do I really need?"
Or: "Should I be worried about this symptom?"

And my personal favourite: The Keeping Your Fluids Up 10 Metre Dunny Dash.

Three guesses what got me up at 2:30AM today?

Yeah. Illness has means of getting us down. One way or another.

So now game #2 is

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GFDI

It's one of my fave acronyms when things go agley to the point of explosive frustration. And this morning has definitely been GFDI material.

I discovered this morning that the love of my life had not acquired their 'Flu shot this year. And apparently the fact that the entire family caught a virus was enough to convince them that this year's 'Flu shots are a crock of crap.

Which meant that I had to spend some time quietly explaining the science behind

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Executive Dysfunction R Us

I have come to realise that Miss Chaos and I share more than anxiety. There's also a healthy dollop of executive dysfunction in there. Well. Not that healthy. It's a bad thing to have and it can mess up your life.

For the peeps in the cheap seats, Executive Dysfunction is when you consciously know you have to do a thing, but there's a disconnect between knowing you have to do it and actually doing the thing.

Sometimes, it's like this comic

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::is frustrate::

There have been server issues centred around my email programs. Something I could have been told about on Friday evening, but I found out about it on Saturday morning, when I couldn't get the receipt email from Cinebuzz.

I can read emails on my phone only, at the moment. What I can't do is send any replies.

Hopefully this is a state of fuck-uppedness that will only last but a brief moment. I really don't want to deal with this long term.

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Ch-ch-ch-chaaaanges....

For every step forward, there's a stumble back. And a risk of going back to what's familiar, because that's what used to work.

But this is not that.

Followers of my tumblr will notice that I have a new format for pushing my Instants at you. Like all good clickbait, I give you a taste and hope its interesting enough for you to come over and read the rest of it.

I'm still getting used to the Facebook cut-off, but I might

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Ow ow ow

It's beginning to look a lot like Lurgi...

I am more mentally scattershot than usual. Brain fog is closing in, there's congestion in my bronchii that won't bloody shift, and I keep sleeping on my shoulders wrong and mucking them up.

And of course I've had my almost bloody typical 3AM wake-up because my life must be absolute hades for some reason.

So naturally I start dozing at the keyboard.

I need coffee.

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