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Challenge #01878-E054: The Mating Game

[Title, "The Harkness Test"] Because if Humanity discovers Alien life without needing a xenocide (from either side), there will be at least 1 person who will try to mate with them. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Again, please do not make your prompt title part of your prompt. You could literally make your prompt title a serial number. I care about the prompt content, and doing the title stuff is a pain in my butt]

Some elementary truths about humans in general, and Blake Harvesson in particular. Humans will pet anything. Humans will fight anything. Humans will speculate about the mating potential of anything. Fortunately, humans had speculated about this tendency in advance and had devised the Harkness Test[1].

Blake was one of the few who needed reminding of the unofficial rules. And as such, had to have an escort in certain areas of any port of call. Lest he wind up in the kind of trouble that had a high ticket attached to it. He, like many other humans, was new to the Galactic scene. Trouble came with that novelty.

"That's pretty," said Blake, pointing out a creature on the latest commercial concourse.

"That's a pet," said Blake's necessary guide, Grox. "Non-cogniscent. Incapable of consent."

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Challenge #01877-E053: Working With the Dead

Sometimes the person you admire or love has a passion or hobby that they would really love to get stuff for. -- Anon Guest

Hobbyists are easy to buy for. Well. Most of them are. Gardeners will love you for getting a big bag of manure. Leatherworkers - the less said about the gross stuff that Leatherworkers would thank you for, the better. Especially if they do their own tanning. Arts and crafts people will be grateful for infinite art supplies.

But

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Challenge #01876-E052: When You Put it That Way

National delicacy, the sort of stuff diplomats have to eat and appear to enjoy. Sheep's eyeballs and truly rotten fish come to mind. -- Anon Guest

"So what is this one?" And since this was the second time the Ambassador asked this question about the foodstuff before them, they didn't want to know what it was named. They wanted to know what it was made of.

"A goose's liver, after the animal has been force-fed to the point where said liver becomes

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Challenge #01875-E051: Earth's Deadliest...

“Humans? We are the most dangerous animal on earth. Not shark, not bear, not anything else. Us. Other animals, they kill when they need to, and only then. Kill for food, or for protection. We kill when we think we need to, kill when we want to... It is not the same.” -- Anon Guest

Humans are dangerous. The Galactic Alliance knows this. Having seen human transmissions, both of fantasy and fact, they know that humans are indomitable, hazardous, and insane. But

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Challenge #01874-E050: Welcome Back

“The risk I took was calculated, but man, I’m bad at math.” -- TheDragonsFlame

It was later. The wounds had been repaired and bandaged. The fires had been extinguished. The echoes of the explosions had long since died down. And Tierl was still pissed. Because she was waiting for Jan to wake up after the flakking mess she'd made. Sure, there were upsides and downsides to loving a Lucker, and this was the one that irritated Tierl the most. Watching time

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Challenge #01873-E049: Infestation Reformation

Picture a Fallout style after-the-bombs postapocalyptic world, but we humans are extinct. Nothing but ruined buildings, leftover wreckage, wandering mutants of assorted types, and abandoned hoards of supplies like armor, food, tools, and weapons...

Meanwhile, on the other side of reality, the stereotype sword-n-sorcery fantasy realm gets so sick and tired of goblins - stupid, obnoxious, violent, vulgar little wretches that breed like rats on speed and can bounce back from just about anything short of incineration or wholesale dismemberment - that

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Challenge #01872-E048: Aftermath

[Person 1 wakes up] “Ugh... what happened?”

[Person 2] “Do you want me to start before or after you started a civil war?” -- TheDragonsFlame

There was a wild party going on. But there had been a wild party going on when he passed out. The headache said it had been more than a while, but the noise level said it hadn't been that long. Hwell reached for the electrolyte solution that Ax'and'l had thoughtfully set out, and left the covered bacon

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Challenge #01871-E047: Know When to Walk Away

Hello! I would find it immensely amusing if you would write a fic where Maxim (Girl Genius) and/or any of the Jägers run into Taako (TAZ) and strike up a conversation about hats. Your writing is great and I am highly impressed with how much you manage to write. Thanks for listening! :) -- HowShouldIKnow

Never mind how they got there. The meeting should have been brief. It should have resulted in one of them knowing something the other had to bargain

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Challenge #01870-E046: Top Secret Womens' Business

"Prime Minister, we have little time. We must awaken Atlantis..." the tall dark-skinned woman said, crisp business suit and dark glasses lending an air of authority that even the PM felt humbled by.

"Atlantis? Like the myth of the wondrous Greek city that sunk into the sea?"

"Greek? Sank? Mere misdirecting fiction," she replied. "ATLANTIS as in the Advanced Terran Laser And Nuclear Threat Incapacitation System."

"The what? Is ... is this... thing... in Australia?"

"No, Prime Minister. It is Australia. I'll explain

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Challenge #01869-E045: Say What You Mean

Trades and hobbies have specialist language often the same word can mean completely different things. "Galley", a type of ship, a pre-publishing book or article, a place where Artwork is displayed. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Nonny, you have confused "galley" with "gallery" there]

From the Dictionary of Confusing Slang on the free infonet:

Face: (n)
1. Application of stage makeup for a performance (theatrical)
2. Application of makeup for business (civilian human female, pre-Shattering)
3. Painting on protective boards to make a

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Challenge #01868-E044: The Stepford House

As early 20th century houses go, it was fine. Neat, tidy, clean, owners polite to their black maid and cleaner and paid them well, children loved by their parents, and parents whom loved their children.

So WHY did it reek like a stinking dungeon in a necromancers castle? The Doctor lasted 10 seconds before leaping in with both boots. -- Anon Guest

It was almost a cliché, really. Lost traveller, wicked storm. Can't stay out in this mess. Would it be too

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Challenge #01863-E039: Reformation Process

Meanwhile, at a Top Secret Government Organization…

Agent: “…and that, fortunately, was the moment the device overloaded and self-destructed. Division 6’s damage-control team was able to convince the public it was just a ignited leak from a gas line triggered by a malfunctioning industrial diesel generator.”

Chief: “Excellent; the last thing we could’ve been able to handle was that chemical getting to the water supply. Ah, our refreshments are ready. Thank you, Lav’der.”

Agent: “Hmph. I’ll pass. God

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Challenge #01862-E038: Trust Yourself

She left a message for her younger self to read. -- SongSpired

Time travel was a bitch. Sorting out the mistakes of life retroactively was never a fun thing. Making sure she would pay attention to her own warnings to herself had been the work of several journeys. And multiple encounters. She could not talk to herself. Both brains shut down for that sort of thing. Leaving notes, however, was perfect.

Her teenaged self was asleep in bed. Sleeping the sleep of

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Challenge #01867-E043: Got'cha

[Person 1] “It’s no use! We’ll never make it in time!”

[Person 2] “Scoot over. I didn’t have my driving license revoked for nothing!” -- TheDragonsFlame

So. Let's recap. They were in what only appeared to be a Tuktuk, stuck in traffic, desperate to make it to the big public exposé to expose more than the badguy could ever want made public, and without much of a hope. Except the one that Els was uncannily good with machines and

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Challenge #01861-E037: ...For the Trees

“Do you ever wonder what would happen if you just stepped into the woods?” She rolled her eyes at the dreamer, taking extra care to steer them away from even looking at it. “I used to. But then I grew up.” -- Wonderful-Prompts

The land above the leaves was the only place where it was safe to farm. The trees grew only to certain heights above the very lowest parts of the land. Every part of the free land was used for

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