Necromancy

A 5-post collection

Challenge #03012-H089: With a Little Help From My...

Warrior: I swear I will have revenge for the death of my brother.

Elf: you have my bow.

Dwarf: and my axe.

Necromancer: and your brother! -- Anon Guest

[AN: Heheheh, I remember when that first did the rounds on Tumblr. I think someone made a comic page out of it eventually. I wanna say Oglaf, but... probably not Oglaf[1].]

People always think necromancy is the ultimate evil. They think that necromancers don't respect the dead, the gods, the feelings of those still breathing. They think wrong. Remember such magics as Revivify? Or True Resurrection? They're necromantic. Clerics talk to the dead all the time, but the instant you wear a black robe and start using necrotic damage... Yeah.

Death is a part of life. Helping someone pass peaceably from life into death is just as important as helping both mother and child survive the process of birth. Trust me, there's things that can go wrong. Unfinished business makes ghosts. Put a ghost too near a magical construct, and it causes all sorts of problems. Unstoppable creature with one purpose melded with an unkillable spirit with a different purpose? Bad noise. And don't get me started on the undead. Yeah, necromancers can hate those shits. Bringing dead meat to life has its own perils and undead is in the top three.

Forget black robes and skeletal minions. It's only the edgelords that go there. Edgelords with a lot of money. Black is a very expensive hue for clothing[2]. Not great when you're a starving student of the dark arts. Honestly, I look like any other student - hard-wearing worker's clothes so I don't have to keep buying new clothes. A long-lasting pair of shoes headed for their last breath... And at least one stupid accessory because it had a practical application and no student ever had the coin to spare for style.

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Challenge #02776-G219: Peculiar Parenting Problems

There were things I expected to say to my children when I got into this whole parenthood thing. Things like "don't eat that" and "put your pants on" and "stop drawing on the walls" or "do your homework". Then, there were the things that took me by surprise. "Don't put that in your butt" was one, and "NO! DON'T PUSH YOUR BROTHER DOWN THE STAIRS!!" was another, but most recently, "If you make me faceplant into broken glass, you will be in

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Challenge #02063-E239: Barry Critiques Them Afterwards

(Person 1): "So this is how I die... With thunderous applause..."

(Person 2): "Stop being so dramatic." -- TheDragonsFlame

Taako had been through many adventures. He had travelled across a hundred realities. He had bargained away his beauty, his health, and a skill to save the world. But this? This had to be the toughest fight of his life. For example, strictly off the top of his head, the fifteen-point landing he'd just endured because this particular band of necromantic chucklefucks had

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Challenge #01877-E053: Working With the Dead

Sometimes the person you admire or love has a passion or hobby that they would really love to get stuff for. -- Anon Guest

Hobbyists are easy to buy for. Well. Most of them are. Gardeners will love you for getting a big bag of manure. Leatherworkers - the less said about the gross stuff that Leatherworkers would thank you for, the better. Especially if they do their own tanning. Arts and crafts people will be grateful for infinite art supplies.

But

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Challenge #01110-C013: Fear of the Gifted Child

http://thefingerfuckingfemalefury.tumblr.com/post/129483030883/ayellowbirds-sorceringing-the-vegan-muser -- RecklessPrudence

There were skeleton spiders in the lab. No, not the exoskeletons, which novices animated for practice, but actual spiders made of bones.

That one had a rib cage for an abdomen.

"Clerita... what the flying hell?"

Clerita, the problem child, the one who was always so far ahead of everyone that she seemed like she was behind, looked up from her current project. A bird with bony pinions. "Uhm," she said.

"Why?" demanded

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