Challenge #02776-G219: Peculiar Parenting Problems

There were things I expected to say to my children when I got into this whole parenthood thing. Things like "don't eat that" and "put your pants on" and "stop drawing on the walls" or "do your homework". Then, there were the things that took me by surprise. "Don't put that in your butt" was one, and "NO! DON'T PUSH YOUR BROTHER DOWN THE STAIRS!!" was another, but most recently, "If you make me faceplant into broken glass, you will be in so much trouble" took the cake. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Honestly, one could collect a whole encyclopaedia's worth of "Things I never expected to say as a parent" and there would still be new submissions by volume 128...]

Some things about parenthood are universal. Some are timeless. Some are both. Parentals of all genders, identities, and relations to the young have heard themselves saying things like, "What have you got?" in a semi-warning tone. Phrases like, "No you can't," or, "Get that out of your mouth," or, "Stop messing about," or, "Put that down," are so common that they might become rote.

It's the other things unique to the situations at hand that end up stunning the adults in the room. For perfectly logical reasons, various parentals have had to say such things as, "Get down out of there before you fall down out of there," or, "That is not for your bottom," or, "That is neither nutritious nor delicious," or, "Back-to-front, dear."

A parental would have a perfectly logical reason to say, "You have your feet on backwards," for instance. Today, in this family, in this house, it was, "I thought I said that should stay buried." It's not easy living in a household of natural necromancers.

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