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Challenge #02068-E244: Wrong Kind of Rescue

{Character 1 kicks down door and fires RPG (or equivalent)}

(To person 2): "I got your text." -- TheDragonsFlame

When Laise was done screaming, and Thor had put down his guns, she recovered enough breath and wits to yell, "Thor, what the actual fuck?"

"You said you needed a rescue."

Laise checked her phone. Only one of her messages had got through thanks to the shitty, shitty local internet. "Damn it..." She took another calming breath. "We're lucky I always get the top floor, Thor."

"These were the blanks," Thor offered, slapping the grey-taped magazine. "I learn slow, ja? But I am learning."

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Challenge #02067-E243: The Trouble With Gravy

"Unfortunately, gravity is temporarily out, so we're going to have to deal with it and float." -- TheDragonsFlame

"She's not dead," insisted the Nae'hyn Priest/technician. "She's just resting."

Captain Jarth repeated her question, "How. Long. Will it. Take?"

"I tried to warn you that it was a bad idea to transfer a short-haul gravy drive into a long-hauler," said Knekkit, who was ordinarily the translator. Today, she was being the repeater of known facts. "They get used to patterns of behaviour

Challenge #02066-E242: A Bug in the Peace Process

Aliens: "We don't know why everyone calls humans wild and crazy these guys just huddle together and whisper all the time"

Small band of humans: All terrified of the giant cockroaches but trying very hard not to cause an international incident -- OohLookShiny

They had expected resistance. They had expected a fight. Even though this was clearly a mercy mission, they expected the Humans to 'kick up a stink'. They knew that these were crazed Deathworlders who liked, very much, to keep

Challenge #02065-E241: Once Upon a Crusade

"There's no such thing as an elephant."

"Then you have some very big wolves on this planet." -- Anon Guest

"Just think about it for a psalm," said Sir Thakkis. "A beast as large as a peasant's hut, walking on legs as thick as trees, with a nose like a serpent and ears like cloaks? It's too ridiculous to live. And, Frog, I have to remind you that we are on a holy quest and your heretical words have no place."

"I

Challenge #02064-E240: Evac Under Fire

I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. -- TheDragonsFlame

Gorx halted in mid-step. "Surely the Human phrase is, I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Is it not so?"

Human Warin stopped for hir. "Not today. Keep moving. I'll explain on the way." He waited for Gorx to get moving again. "What I just said is a malapropism. A mixing of metaphorical sayings for humour or -in this case- appropriate action." He broke off to race ahead

Challenge #02063-E239: Barry Critiques Them Afterwards

(Person 1): "So this is how I die... With thunderous applause..."

(Person 2): "Stop being so dramatic." -- TheDragonsFlame

Taako had been through many adventures. He had travelled across a hundred realities. He had bargained away his beauty, his health, and a skill to save the world. But this? This had to be the toughest fight of his life. For example, strictly off the top of his head, the fifteen-point landing he'd just endured because this particular band of necromantic chucklefucks had

Challenge #02062-E238: Magical Progress Goes Twinkle

Unseen University's Hex nails the math for reliable translocation -- Anon Guest

Magic has rules. This is a fact as real as the turtle that swims underneath the world. Or the four elephants on its back that support the entire disk. In order to fly, one must drop an equal weight and really know how to stick the landing. Magic can turn lead into gold, but that gold will make you sick if you hang on to it for too long. For

Challenge #02061-E237: Escape the Camp

(Person 1): "What did you get in your care package from home?"

(Person 2, happily): "Military-grade explosives!" -- TheDragonsFlame

The weatherproof box said 'Plasticine' and contained some ridiculously disproportionate cartoon characters on it. Inside were wax-paper wrapped blocks of brightly-coloured stuff that one might expect to be plasticine. But, to a non-casual observer, it wasn't... quite... plasticine.

It was amazing that the guards let it past, to be honest. But then again, Monty and the boys had been spending months on putting

Challenge #02060-E236: The Way to Make Change

Humans gonna Human -- TheDragonsFlame

A mother in a war zone hands her baby up to a complete stranger, knowing that they may never meet again, but her child has a chance at something better than this. Bullets sing through the air. Fire turns the surrounding landscape into tones of amber. And the last evacuation vehicle leaves the few remaining to their fate. The mother smiles anyway, and waves 'bye-bye' to her child. Pretending, perhaps for a last handful of minutes, that

Challenge #02059-E235: Betrayal is a Two-Way Street

“You really ought to learn not to be so trusting,” ze sneered. “The world’s a dangerous place.”

“Clearly you’ve never met a pissed-off human before.” She smiled. “Please, allow me to... enlighten you.” -- Anon Guest

The Human interlaced her fingers and twisted them about to make a sound like several walnuts being crushed at once. While the guards were wincing at that intolerable sound, she casually purloined one of their polearms and used it to stun the other one.

Challenge #02058-E234: Microquest

Dragon Microbiologist. That is all. -- TheDragonsFlame

The beast had been spotted over rivers and streams. Its visits were always brief, but they were methodical. Which was why Sir Valiant had been able to catch it at this point.

"Hold," he demanded, when the dragon lit at this particular point in the river that fed the city its water. "What vile villainy do you have planned, foul beast?"

The dragon turned its mighty head and examined Sir Valiant with each eye. "Pardon?

Challenge #02057-E233: In-sult-roduction

A genetically upgraded cat is hired as a ship's crew member. The Captain unfortunately thinks that since ancient cats hunted vermin, this crew-member would do the same. -- Anon Guest

When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. -- Ancient Human Mnemonic/Caution.

Mixi Thicktail made certain she was crisp, businesslike, and formal. This was her first posting on a UFTP vessel and people had doubtless heard things about Nufurria and its residents by now. The difference between

Challenge #02056-E232: Fudged-Up Normal

As an orphan you were adopted by the local crime syndicate, and we’re just adorable enough that they were determined to give you a better life.

You have just beat up someone from your school and a phone call has been made home for a disciplinary meeting. The school is about to meet “The Family”. -- Anon Guest

There's a phrase I've come to know well over the years. I couldn't repeat it in full before I turned sixteen, but the

Challenge #02055-E231: Weapons of Mass Deception

"[Blank] can't expect us to just cry on command, " Person A muttered. They got a sniffle in reply and when they glanced over the tears were already streaming down person B's face.

"Are you serious?" Person A said.

Person B just grinned at them and choked back a fake sob. -- OohLookShiny

"They don't have much experience with women," Human Jori reminded them. "They operate based entirely off of entertainments, which are full of... regrettable stereotypes."

"Which is why we're wearing pink

Challenge #02054-E230: Dirt's Worth

"Look I'm okay with you scapegoating this onto me-"

"What? Why!"

"But next time warn me first. Do you know how hard it is to turn a weak lie into a strong one with no background info?" -- OohLookShiny

"Okay," Marvin allowed. "But... I still need to know why. Most people react to being pushed under the omnibus with vengeance."

Lady Anthe sat on the table so she could level a glare at the Human Fighter. "I'm a Kobold. The first name

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Challenge #02068-E244: Wrong Kind of Rescue

Challenge #02067-E243: The Trouble With Gravy

Challenge #02066-E242: A Bug in the Peace Process

Challenge #02065-E241: Once Upon a Crusade

Challenge #02064-E240: Evac Under Fire

Challenge #02063-E239: Barry Critiques Them Afterwards

Challenge #02062-E238: Magical Progress Goes Twinkle

Challenge #02061-E237: Escape the Camp

Challenge #02060-E236: The Way to Make Change

Challenge #02059-E235: Betrayal is a Two-Way Street

Challenge #02058-E234: Microquest

Challenge #02057-E233: In-sult-roduction

Challenge #02055-E231: Weapons of Mass Deception

Challenge #02054-E230: Dirt's Worth