Dear Diary

Urggh, I feel GROOOOSSSSSS

There's a cartoon that's shared often on Tumblr, and I relate to it greatly today.

In my case, I've got anxiety, depression, and malaise all queueing up behind the aches and pains. Along with the usual self-doubt and defeatism that makes my life such a fun, rollercoaster-esque, dizzying, mad whirl 9_9

And in the back of my head, there's this firkin annoying little optimist who insists that I can do the thing because it will be "such fun". Yeah no, you manic loony. I will not be live-streaming my arting when I get the tablet pen sometime next week. I will not be making flash animations with my scribble-sketches with the music from Steam Powered Giraffe as the audio because (a) I know my efforts firkin suck and (b) every time I break my heart trying to do something wonderful, the universe greets it with its usual 'meh'. I'll get like three notes and a takedown notice from YouTube. Fuck you.

And it's getting closer to October. Which means that I am that much closer to acceptance or rejection for Kung Fu Zombies. I already expect the latter, possibly with a stock reply letter, but I know in my heart that I'm going to be firkin devastated because said rejection is about due to happen on my birthday.

Happy birthmas, you firkin suck. Toot toot, muddy fudger.

And I'm bare weeks away from having a friendo come over and visit and... because illness and this emotional horse crap I'm wading through... I haven't had the time or energy to do the things I should be. Or to chase everyone to do the things they should be. And the house has, once again, fallen to shit.

Which is just one more reason for me to hate myself. Wheee -_-

FGSFDS. I wish I could throw it out the window and magically transform into one of those hyperactive whirlwind people who get everything done and do it fantastically well. Part of me secretly hates them. I'm jealous. Completely and totally jealous. If I had just one tenth of their boundless energy, I would have a 100% better life.

I need money to pay nice people to do the stuff that's constantly hard for me. Can't get it as I am because nobody's going to hire a 40+ train wreck who gets exhausted after one firkin shopping trip. My only hope is selling my writing because it's the only thing I'm halfway good at. And judging by the stuff that goes on the shelves, I might just make it. Unless I'm just too damn strange for the mainstream. Which is a possibility.

See what I mean? I'm either going to snap or explode. Fuck!

Fargnax!

MeMum actually rang and insisted that we couldn't come over and fix her computer, including the issues she had with a naughty printer because of the vital importance of copying important documents from it by hand.

Read that over a few times and try to unriddle it, because I am firkin lost.

If only there was an easier way to get those things. Like... having a device that could print copies on demand. But obviously the need for having copies of documents

Teh PLN

MeMum's compy has been going do-lally and not behaving according to wants. And there was mention of clicking a pop-up... which might mean virii have been installed.

But then again, MeMum is legendary with technological incompetence, and could not properly install the last virus. For all I know, everything is (a) hunky, (b) dory, and, (c) not plugged in properly (again).

Nevertheless, I am installing a damn add blocker. I know some good ones. And so does Beloved.

The little darlings have

I overdid it yesterday

I'm still not over this blasted bug, but I'm over enough to think that I can get back to healthy life.

In this case - it was a trip to the local shops to replace some foods and obtain a new potato chipper. You know the ones. The grid of blades that you feet spuds through and turn them into chips.

I was planning to use it on carrots, but that's not the story.

One trip to Woolies and one mall-crawl that

Foam, foam, I'm deranged

If you sung that title, then you might be capable of sharing my headspace right now. Because I have my digital copy of Quintessential by Steam Powered Giraffe. Get your copy today!

I am feeling the love today. This one album of 12 songs is going to be my soundtrack for quite a bit because I'm one of those nerds who listens to one album until it makes everyone else's ears bleed.

The band has continued the fine tradition of creating songs

Today's the Day!

I am a happy, bouncing, frothing little fanbot this morning, because the best band in the world, Steam Powered Giraffe, are releasing their newest album, Quintessential in less than six and a half hours.

I have already tuned in to the pending livestream. Where a bunch of like-minded ~~nerds~~ fanmily are also lying in wait and foaming at each other.

I will once again be totally incorrigible. Playing the album over and over and over, often at full blast, until everyone begs

Sick Games I play

That is, games I play when I'm sick.

Like: "Is it really this cold, or am I feverish?"
Or: "Am I tired from virus fighting or depression?"
Or: "What dose do I really need?"
Or: "Should I be worried about this symptom?"

And my personal favourite: The Keeping Your Fluids Up 10 Metre Dunny Dash.

Three guesses what got me up at 2:30AM today?

Yeah. Illness has means of getting us down. One way or another.

So now game #2 is

GFDI

It's one of my fave acronyms when things go agley to the point of explosive frustration. And this morning has definitely been GFDI material.

I discovered this morning that the love of my life had not acquired their 'Flu shot this year. And apparently the fact that the entire family caught a virus was enough to convince them that this year's 'Flu shots are a crock of crap.

Which meant that I had to spend some time quietly explaining the science behind

Executive Dysfunction R Us

I have come to realise that Miss Chaos and I share more than anxiety. There's also a healthy dollop of executive dysfunction in there. Well. Not that healthy. It's a bad thing to have and it can mess up your life.

For the peeps in the cheap seats, Executive Dysfunction is when you consciously know you have to do a thing, but there's a disconnect between knowing you have to do it and actually doing the thing.

Sometimes, it's like this comic

::is frustrate::

There have been server issues centred around my email programs. Something I could have been told about on Friday evening, but I found out about it on Saturday morning, when I couldn't get the receipt email from Cinebuzz.

I can read emails on my phone only, at the moment. What I can't do is send any replies.

Hopefully this is a state of fuck-uppedness that will only last but a brief moment. I really don't want to deal with this long term.

Ch-ch-ch-chaaaanges....

For every step forward, there's a stumble back. And a risk of going back to what's familiar, because that's what used to work.

But this is not that.

Followers of my tumblr will notice that I have a new format for pushing my Instants at you. Like all good clickbait, I give you a taste and hope its interesting enough for you to come over and read the rest of it.

I'm still getting used to the Facebook cut-off, but I might

Ow ow ow

It's beginning to look a lot like Lurgi...

I am more mentally scattershot than usual. Brain fog is closing in, there's congestion in my bronchii that won't bloody shift, and I keep sleeping on my shoulders wrong and mucking them up.

And of course I've had my almost bloody typical 3AM wake-up because my life must be absolute hades for some reason.

So naturally I start dozing at the keyboard.

I need coffee.

Happy birthday, Mayhem

Of all the injustices of the universe, the greatest must be having a birthday while you're sick. You can't go out. You can't have a big party. You can't do anything much but ingest whatever you can and groan pathetically. Or wrap yourself up in a doona and play videos all day.

Fortunately, three out of four of those things are Mayhem's favourite activities, so he's not that put out. The minor inconvenience of lurgi is quelled by medication and he hasn't

SNAFU!

Whatever Chaos has, Mayhem has definitely caught. They both have a wet cough and difficulty swallowing. Antibiotics do not help, because Mayhem has been taking them and he still hasn't got any better.

Chaos is due to see a closer paediatrician this afternoon, but I am going to complain to the GPs first, because medicine is supposed to help people be well.

I have a stabbing pain in my chest that I know is anxiety because I finally sent off that sample

Spiral, explosion, skull emoji...

Or, as those who love Asterix the Gaul might know them, ancient gaulish swearwords.

All our best-laid plans went agley today when, halfway through my allotted words for my novel-in-progress, I got the phone call that every parental dreads: "Your little darling is sick, come scoop them up."

It didn't matter that I was in the middle of my work [like, literally in the middle of a word], Beloved was deep into some way more important coding, so I had to do

Menu

A 3686-post collection

Urggh, I feel GROOOOSSSSSS

Fargnax!

Teh PLN

I overdid it yesterday

Foam, foam, I'm deranged

Today's the Day!

Sick Games I play

GFDI

Executive Dysfunction R Us

::is frustrate::

Ch-ch-ch-chaaaanges....

Ow ow ow

Happy birthday, Mayhem

SNAFU!

Spiral, explosion, skull emoji...