Amalgam Universe

A 2297-post collection

Challenge #02274-F084: They Look Like Monsters

Humans meet an intelligent species who is nice, friendly, understanding and honest to a fault. A human vessel breaks down and they send the distress call to Help.

The Problem is, they look Like a horror movie Monster. Something that looks somewhat human but mangled, discolored, and just... wrong in all planes of existence. Not to forget their teeth, claws,etc.

They have the smell of rotting meat, decay and blood, when they are happy and they move through the vents for easy access.

How will the Humans cope with helpful Monsters and their Overall nice Attitude? -- Anon Guest

It sounded like the plot to every horror movie that Terrans had ever made since the invention of fake blood. A spaceship crew stranded AU's from anywhere. Failing power, failing life support. Dwindling food supplies, and so forth. Stress upon stress with no hope of rescue. Until the Karmorp'se came to the rescue.

The first sign of contact was the docking clamps engaging with someone else's tube. Then came a flood of fresh air that was a blessing to all those survivors grimly clinging to their decor pot plants. Communication came next, first through simple pictograms, then via equally simple words. The greatest relief came with the knowledge that both parties spoke GalStand Simple.

The Karmorp'se were friendly and genial, they had an abundance of compatible supplies, which they eagerly shared through loading apparatus normally meant for Station docking. They were honest about everything and even managed to share a few jokes. They were eminently loveable and their voices sounded warm, sweet, and friendly. Eventually, suspicion raised concerning the lack of face-to-face communication.

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Challenge #02273-F083: Smouldering Leaf Habit

This is a page from the Safety Manual for Humans.

"...... even if dangerous and self-destructive, some Humans will continue to light small fires for the inhalation of toxic substances ( To-ba-co) and will do so anywhere, if not provided a smoking-area.

PLEASE ALLOW THEM THIS !!!!!" -- Anon Guest

[AN: Speaking as a lifelong asthmatic whose life has been put in peril by smokers - irresponsible tobacco addicts can go to hell. The prizewinner is still the bloke who lit up upwind of me

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Challenge #02272-F082: Celebratory Explosions

A Havenworlder Group goes despite warnings and with offensive-warnings to Earth.

On New Year.

Yeah.... -- Anon Guest

Visit Terra! Invigorate your genome! the poster said. As a sales pitch, some would ponder its efficaciousness. However, the idea that exposure to hazardous situations could bolster a species genes through epigenetic influence was not only provable, but scientifically endorsed. In brief, the target audience were Havenworlders, and the pitch was super effective.

Havenworlders were warned, of course. Areas of Terra could easily reach

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Challenge #02271-F081: Nacre or Facre

Pearls and Perlmutt[AN: AKA 'nacre' or 'mother of pearl'] are made by organic beings.

Aliens have never seen this Product before coming to Earth.

Of course, Earth has a new high-selling Export product. -- Anon Guest

Calcium carbonate is nothing new. It's formed from two relatively common elements in the periodic table and simple life forms make it the Universe over. Only one planet has evolved lifeforms that uses it in a laminal form. Aragonite, formed in plates, refracts light in

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Challenge #02270-F080: Location, Location, Location

On a spaceship a human salesman (yes, you aren't even safe in space from them) promotes his Product "FlexseALL" (just Flexseal with a different name). He has the same attitude of Phil and showtests his products on literally ever Problem on the Ship. And it works!

Even on the leaks, the engine, the air vents,...

Go crazy with your own ideas. And thank you for your time :-) -- Anon Guest

[AN: Thanks for making me see that with my own eyes.

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Challenge #02269-F079: Not Really That Deadly

Australia is a deathcountry. No talking back on that.

  • Giant Toads

  • poisonus Everything

  • f*ckt up climate everywhere

  • Birds, who defeated the Government (not even smart ones at that)

  • their Naming (Fairybread, Maccas,...)

Aliens learn of that from a human and an Aussie. (Will Australia receive an honorable Title of Deathcountry stage 5 or 5.5? You decide!) -- Anon Guest

Deathworld classifications work on how many factors can be seen as "being out to get" cogniscents who live there. These factors

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Challenge #02268-F078: A Light in You

I read an article a while back about humans having some sort of line system (like a fish with sensors) which controls for example diseases like (sorry not english: Gürtelrose[AN: Google says 'shingles']) it lays outside of the human visible spectrum. Only humans have this and no other animal or plants have.

Also we humans shine. Like really, really low, but still, we glow very weak in the dark. Again not visible for us.

But what if other aliens don't have

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Challenge #02267-F077: Friend? Friend!

Alien Snake-/Reptilian species meet the Human Race. Unfortunately (or Fortunately, depending on your viewpoint ^^) first contact happens between a snake lover (Pet the Snek !) and a proud Ambassador. -- Anon Guest

Many unfortunate First Contact situations have arisen because one or more cogniscent species in the encounter strongly resembles another's phobia species. We therefore recommend that all cogniscents finding themselves within a First Contact situation take a few moments to stop all voluntary movement, put down any tools, and properly assess

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Challenge #02266-F076: Toughest in the Room

"This thing all things devours:

Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;

Gnaws iron, bites steel;

Grinds hard stones to meal;

Slays kings, ruins town,

And beats high mountain down." - Gollum

Humans are the oldest, wisest but also the most curious and reckless species in the galaxy. -- Anon Guest

Humanity, thanks to various deep dives down one-way wormholes, is officially the oldest species in the known Universe. That said, they are still a dangerously deadly egotistical child race who also happen to be

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Challenge #02263-F073: Children Problems

Human children grow their teeth. Problems arise as consequence.

How would that be for species, wou have three rows with hundreds of teeth? How would they react to a human toddler with their special problems? -- Anon Guest

The Edge Territories. Here there be Humans. Raashig was assured that, as a Selachid, the Humans wouldn't attempt to start any aggression. That said, such assurances were not a guarantee. There was always a minimum of one Humans who was drunk enough, belligerent enough,

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Challenge #02262-F072: Cold Revenge by Proxy (Number 238)

Simply a story over a bloodthirsty psychopath, who listens to classical music, while ripping the faces of his enemies off and bathing in their blood.

Simply put, a normal Monday morning for him at work. -- Anon Guest

There is something to be said about Chamber Music. It inspires the mind. It lifts the spirits. It's an excellent counterpoint to the screams of your enemies. As an aficionado, I know it was originally created to provide a pleasant background to high society

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Challenge #02261-F071: They Love to Sing-a

"When an eel bites your thigh,

then you bleed out and die,

thats a Moray"

Humans will parody anything they like and especially catchy songs.

Even National Anthems. No matter the origin. -- Anon Guest

The local Humans were having an Untalent Show at the Choose Your Poison Drink[1], wherein all participants imbibed a lot of alcohol, got up onto the in-house stage, and demonstrated something they were horrible at. Either that, or it was Two Drink Minimum Karaoke Night. It

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Challenge #02260-F070: The Answer

42 is the answer to everything.

Aliens meet a fan of the series and are baffled, that 42 is the correct answer to every problem on their ship.

Coincidence or Joke ? -- Anon Guest

"Whoa. That's gotta be forty-two comets in a V-formation," stated Human Dug. Later assessment revealed that they were correct. There were exactly forty-two cometary masses grouped together and orbiting this particular sun.

This was a peculiarity of Human Dug. Forty-two was always the answer, and it always was

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Challenge #02259-F069: Got an Axe to Grind

The most destructive and deadly weapon of all is not an antimatter bomb. That place goes to a Human with ductape, a Multitool, a Target and no reason to not do it.

Or to care for his safety. -- Anon Guest

Humans have a lot of sayings concerning revenge. This should be enough warning for most species, but there are always an unfortunate few who are slow learners. Suffice to say that if your commanding officer decides to blast an isolated Human

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Challenge #02258-F068: MacGuyvering the Excrement...

A human uses a fire extinguisher, some glue, self-made rocket fuel, some ductape, bolts and other stuff to render an enemy vessel useless.

Be creative :-) -- Anon Guest

[AN: I always am, Nonny. You don't have to tell me]

"Okay," panted Human Ange. "Good news, bad news. Good news... we're alive so far. Yay." It was statements of alleged optimism like that that helped earn Humanity's reputation in the Alliance.

"Bad news," stated Gaurx, "We are sheltering in a supplies hold.

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