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Challenge #01826-D365: In Abstract

aliens going through human archives find the most Avant Garde porn, like, EVER -- Anon Guest

[AN: Just so you know, this author has very little experience with porn. Smut, yes. Porn, no.]

The Trizdressi had no idea what they had found on that graveworld. Something had happened to the population, and little was left to determine the disaster but what appeared to be an enormous cache of records. The scouts were halfway right. They were recorded data. Just... not data that was tremendously relevant to what happened on that world.

It might have been relevant, but it wasn't relevant in a way that could piece together the entire puzzle. It was a contributing factor, much like the atmosphere of racism was a contributing factor to the downfall of the United States as a Superpower. There were many other contributing factors, and one enormous cause to point the finger of blame at, but the contributing factor was most definitely there.

It took the Trizdrezzi several months to figure out how to read and display the data, with forensics and xenotech departments recreating the native players. And then it took a further five months to realise that they had not, in fact, made any mistakes with said recreation. Because the cache of records was, apparently, a nationwide database of pornography. Artistic, avant-garde pornography.

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Challenge #01825-D364: Seems Harmless Enough

NAME: Mr. Sunshine (yes he's not joking)

OCCUPATION: Terror squad/ Pax Humanis Enforcer

LIKES: Cats, Painting, Tearing off the faces of his enemies

DISLIKES: Rude folk

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: Average height, Average build, Could blend in anywhere there's Humans

UNIQUE TRAITS: Cold, empty eyes combined with an intense friendliness give him an extremely unnerving appearance, Dresses like Mr.Rogers, allergic to milk -- Anon Guest

"It's pronounced soon-sheen-eh," insisted the otherwise ordinary-seeming human who wore a sweater-vest in Security Purple, and a tie

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Challenge #01824-D363: A Slice of Salvation

Decorating a cake while Trying to sing along with the radio and accidentally summoning a demon. -- Bard2dBone

There are some songs you just can't sing. Or bits of them that only the singer can manage. And in those moments, the rest of the world just utters a string of gibberish that sort of almost fits what's really there. The most popular examples of this are Felize Navidad and the middle bit of One Week. There are always others. You know the

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Challenge #01823-D362: Parental Rights

"Parenthood is the most important job you'll ever have."

"Someone PAYS you for being a parent?"

"Okay. Parenthood is the most important unpaid internship you'll ever have." -- Bard2dBone

Of all the laws of the Galactic Alliance, the ones concerning parenthood are the hardest to swallow for various worlds. Especially for certain colonies of the rather aptly-named Terra. Colonies like Quiverfull, Abundance, and a few of the Greater Deregulations have... limited views on the useful attributes of half of their population. And

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Challenge #01822-D361: Security Overload

With all the fragmentations of humanity, especially the Deregulations, is it a surprise that a collection of old conspiracy theories became a society's Holy Book? -- Bard2dBone

They say, It's not paranoia if they really are out to get you. And for some, they believe that is true. It's easier to believe that there is a large, organised Them behind everything bad than it is to believe that shit happens and the people in charge are more concerned with their own pals

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Challenge #01821-D360: And Stand Well Back

“If you think you have enough explosives, you evidently don’t understand the concept of explosives. -- TheDragonsFlame

"I just want a hole in the door," objected Grix. "I don't want half the ship to vaporise."

Human Steve sighed and folded her arms. "Honestly, you are no fun at all."

"I did make it clear that we were all to survive this unscathed and with maximum scavenge from this particular wreck, did I not?"

Human Steve groaned. "Yeah. You did. And I

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Challenge #01820-D359: Important Aspects of Station Maintenance

If a small creature falls asleep on top of you, you are required to stay put and not disturb said small creature. Any nearby are obliged to provide you with whatever you need to avoid disturbing the creature. -- TheDragonsFlame

Arjit had been meditating in a nexus known as Station's Chi by the local conglomerate of Nae'hyn. It had been exactly what people had recommended as a spiritual centre. The constant ringing of the wind chimes and the grinding of the whirligigs

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Challenge #01819-D358: Just Like That

“Ok, there’s a bear, and I have a stick. As such, there is only one course of action.”

Moment of silence

“[Name], no.”

“[Name], yes.” -- TheDragonsBlaze

"I can see a few things wrong with your general plan, Human Finn," said Storkaz, holding their Human at bay. "First, that is not a bear."

"Well, if it walks like a bear, grunts like a bear, and has fur like a bear..." shrugged Human Finn. "Might as well be a bear[1]."

"We're

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Challenge #01818-D357: Gifts For the Mages

Seasonal gift giving. Christmas, New Year, Solstice, whatever. -- Anon Guest

It wasn't the first time that they'd been rounded up for their own good. But it was the first time that this was done with compassion. The food was tolerable, the accomodations fair enough considering the volume. They were allowed to keep their wands and their stuff. And, more to the point, this was one of the few times that the twins received Candlenights gifts.

The labels were impersonal. For a

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Challenge #01817-D356: Adulting Test

Clean up inspired by looming arrival of Parents visiting. -- Anon Guest

It took two weeks for Amber's first place away from home to become a fucking dump. And the following three weeks only made it worse. It was easier to buy new things than it was to look for the old ones. The paths most trodden were the only places where the floor was visible. It was waist high, it was smelly, and it needed to be gone inside five hours.

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Challenge #01816-D355: A Needed Sense of Urgency

Inspired desperation, a great motivator when Procrastination has been your buddy. -- Anon Guest

The ships' human had two modes. "I'll get to it," and "Ah, shit, why didn't I get on this sooner?" Which, though entertaining to observe from a distance, was not always the best thing in an emergency. Or in any situation laced with urgency.

That said, the human was fantastic at pulling miracles out of nowhere when under stress. The rest of the crew merely wished that such

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Challenge #01815-D354: Complex Brain Chemistry

That first cup of coffee that finally gets your brain out of bed. -- Knitnan

Consciousness and cogniscence are two different states of being. One learns this quickly with a human in one's immediate vicinity. Folkax was still attempting to fathom it. The ships' Human was one of the ones with an irregular sleep cycle, and an even worse method of retaining wakefulness.

Human Ren would stumble out of their sleep nook with a complaining moan when they 'could not sleep anymore',

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Challenge #01814-D353: A Deal's a Deal

A lonely person sells their soul to Satan to be their friend —phantomrose96, tumblr(?) -- TheDragonsFlame

"Anything your heart desires," said the lord of all evil. The standard contract was not only long but in incredibly myopic print. The only legible words were, sign here. "All for one little thing that you're not even certain could exist."

"I only want one thing," Marvin said, signing his name in blood. "A good friend."

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "Oh... kay? Eternity of torment after

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Challenge #01813-D352: Everything Necessary?

Emptying your pockets/hold-all to find needed I.D. Boggling the official with the stuff you "really, truly Need". -- Anon Guest

There is no single worst thing to carry everything you need in than a gigantic pocketless tote. Especially when your needs are unfathomable.

Dithaan listed the articles as ze removed them. As is the rule with all containers that held objects of assorted sizes, the largest and bulkiest things rose to the top. "Spare jumper, emergency hygiene pack, personal medkit,

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Challenge #01812-D351: GNU Terry Pratchett

The four lesser horsemen of Panic, Bewilderment, Ignorance and Shouting took control of the room. -- Knitnan

There's a reason why lesser horsemen are lesser horsemen. They can't help but be what they are. Panic is a whirlwind of anxiety. Bewilderment can't find their own arse with an atlas. Ignorance says all the things your racist in-law does that just make you want to burn and die from the shame. Shouting is almost a relief, because all they are is LOUD.

And

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