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Challenge #01858-E034: Dialup Inferno

the number of the beast -- MaxMundan

"Good day, I represent the technical support department of Microsoft Enterprises. We've detected an anomaly on your computer."

"How did you get this number?" said the gruff, gravelly voice on the other end.

"Could you please tell me which version of Windows you are running on your computer, sir?"

"How did you get this number?" said the person on the other side. "You should not have this number."

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Challenge #01857-E033: A Best-laid Plan

The evil has been slain, the entire nation celebrates in the streets and now, the beautiful Princess who was saved very publicly confesses her love and the King offers her hand in marriage to the noble Hero… Except the Hero was already married - to the woman who sells potions and medicines; she had been aiding the Hero since the quest to save the princess first began, and their love grew more with each visit. Also, the Hero isn’t a Hero,

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Challenge #01856-E032: Hungry Love

“How do you sleep at night knowing you stole my bento?” -- YYHFanfiction

"With... a... full stomach?" said Akiko. "It's not my fault your boy can't tell us apart."

"He's not my boy," Chou sighed. "It's not our fault we're that hungry, either, it's just... Might have been nice if you saved me a taste."

They walked together through the streets. Keeping an eye out for anything useful. Anything they could sell for a few more yen. Looking at them, nobody could

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Challenge #01865-E041: Made to Order

does genetic engineering and other physical and mental enhancements exist in the amalgam universe? and what would humans use them for? -- Anon Guest

[AN: The short answer is: Anything they find acceptable. The long answer is... this]

The concept of the perfect being exists in every culture. On every world, there has been at least one brilliant mind who honestly believed that they could better their own kind through assorted means. Ethnic cleansing, or genocide as it is more commonly known.

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Challenge #01855-E031: Hello, Goodbye

Family photos, Wedding groups, school photographs. -- KnitNan

They say that Elves don't age. That's not true. They do age, just incredibly slowly. You can see it, if you journey down a particular hallway in a particular house where the city grew up around it.

They say that Elves steal children. This is a lie. They only take those who have clearly been abandoned. This Elf, once upon a sleeting autumn day, picked up an abandoned infant that had been left to

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Challenge #01854-E030: Which is Which?

The gun went off a second time. “Get up and fight, damn you! Show them the real you, you wretched animal!" The shooter’s allies, dozens in number, faces masked, drew in closer, eager to see this… thing… die.

The figure grunted, slowly but painfully rising. "This is the real me. We are not… so different.” A bloody cough. “It is easier for you and your friends to think of us as… less than you, less than human…”

“Shut up, shut up!

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Challenge #01864-E040: Wake Up Sheeple!

The amount of energy needed to refute bulls* is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it.

—Alberto Brandolini -- TheDragonsFlame

Here's what nobody gets about insane conspiracy theories. There is little to no energy involved in thinking them up. One person's facetious, trolling comment is another's statement of fact. One person's screwy memory is another's proof that it's all been covered up. See, the Mandela Effect, or the Berenstein Parallel Universe Theory.

We shall not mention those nefarious souls who

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Challenge #01853-E029: Start at Stop

Sometimes, to start something new, you have to end someone. -- WriteFmtheHeart

[AN: Offensensitivity warning for domestic abuse]

"Look at me, bitch!" He roared.

So she turned, and stretched out the arm holding the knife. No time to think. No time for finesse. He had his hand up to punch her in the ear again, so he didn't expect the blade. Nothing clever. Nothing smart. He often said she was too stupid to try anything smart. So she didn't.

The sharp knife

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Challenge #01851-E027: As Long as it Works...

Aliens trying to convince a human crew to change it's ship

[Alien] "You use century old technologies ! The new system is way more efficient and everything is automatic. No need to repair it!"

[Human 1] "And when it broke ?"

[Alien] "It can't broke !"

[Human 2] "So when it broke we just have to pray to whatever god that either another ship will pick up our distress signal or the engine restart by itself before the oxygen reserve are depleted." -- Anon Guest

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Challenge #01850-E026: Charlie, Charlie, Charlie...

"And the Darwin Award goes to..... Mr K. Sullivan from colony ZS-23 for trying to use homemade nitroglycerin instead of nitromethane. We will miss his car, an innocent Swordfish Liner." -- Anon Guest

Of all the assorted avatars of Human Insanity, the most boggling to alien minds is the Darwin Awards. A prize that can only be won posthumously, by removing oneself from the gene pool in such a way as to make it clear that this was ultimately a good thing

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Challenge #01849-E025: Good For What Ails You

[Person 1] "I'm sick !"

[Person 2] "Here, take some herbs."

[Person 1] "I cut myself with a knife !"

[Person 2] "Here, take some herbs."

[Person 1] "I got my arm ripped off !"

[Person 2] "Here, take some herbs." -- Anon Guest

There are people who believe in herbs, and there are people who Believe in herbs. Talia's dotty neighbour Mackqualieghiegh (pronounced, 'mack-ay-lee-ay' and shortened to 'Mac' before the ink dried on the birth certificate) was one of the ones who BELIEVED in

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Challenge #01848-E024: Walk it Off...

Human broke his arm and is upset when he saw that he lose his watch.

Human stub his toe and is crying on the floor. -- Anon Guest

In the early days of their acceptance into the Greater Galactic Alliance, there was a code. HID. Human In Distress. The greater population had yet to understand humans and, to state a point of fact, still don't. Therefore, a human in any kind of physical or mental pain was a cause for viral concern

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Challenge #01847-E023: The Only Sensible One

"We are a crew of 7 persons : 2 deathworlders, 4 havenworlders and a sentient AI. The havenworlders are the scientist and the AI is the medic. I'm the only human and the security officer. What is my problem ? Well, let me think about it... . The captain is an adrenaline junky who might send the ship in a high danger zone just for his rush, the doc is obsessed with humans, and the havenworlders are just... too curious without self-preservation instincts.... Two days

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Challenge #01846-E022: Where's the Cheevs?

Pokémon Go... in space -- TheDragonsFlame

Trends come, trends go, and some are revived, zombie like, from a place where they should have stayed buried. You can make up your minds about which ones are which. For a patch of time in the 1930's, the name Judith became incredibly popular, and was rarely that popular again. For a spate in the 1980's, every girl child was named Kylie. And pretty much since the 1980's until the current era, there has been Pokémon.

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Challenge #01845-E021: Art in All Forms

Alien walking past human's quarters hears a harsh, vaguely rhythmic sound.

Alien knocks on human's door, enters, and finds that it's audio sensory organs are assaulted by this noise, the noise is so loud it is almost painful for the Alien's ears.

Alien: "Human, what is this noise?"

Human: "This is my music, you don't like it?"

Alien: "I don't know, the volume is a bit high and it sounds rather harsh, what is this music called?"

Human: "Many humans don't like

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