InterNutter

Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Burpengary East http://www.cmweller.com 12169 posts

Challenge #01003-B271: A Real Powderkeg

As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero. - Vaarsuvius -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: "And that would be wrong." :D ]

One would think that the ability to make things explode when you were feeling embarrassed would be a curse. Possibly because people immediately think of blowing up the person making them cringe.

I didn't think of it. You thought of it. What does that say about you?

Being socially awkward is a real problem for me. I prefer not to talk on phones. I don't like shopping because people going off script is...

Well, it's dangerous, isn't it?

At least I can feel it coming, now. Not like all those times in High School when I made squares of linoleum explode because that was what I was looking at when the bullies were taunting me. Or that one time when I blew up Marvin Gaponski's brand new trainers because he was trying to force me to let him finger me or he'd tell the whole school I'd given him the clap.

He's okay. For limited definitions of okay. The school counsellor worked it out after I made his skittles machine explode. And Marvin can walk now. His football career wasn't very ruined, anyway. He spent most of his games warming the bench or getting called off for violence.

Marvin's learned to be a lot nicer to girls, now.

I don't go out a lot. It's safer. But when I have to go out? I wear warning labels. Those "explosive contents" T-shirts? I don't wear them for fun.

But it has its uses. I can focus my energies when some unwanted douchebro is trying to mack on me. Make something nearby go up and make my escape while he's distracted.

My auntie keeps telling me to grow a thicker skin. That stuff like this happens to every woman. I wonder who made her submit to being fingered or slandered in high school. I wonder how many times she's been negged by some sleazy asshole who just wanted into her pants. I never ask how many times the entire school made her walk a gauntlet of verbal abuse.

I try to tell her that it shouldn't happen at all. To anyone. But she just goes on and on at me until the phone explodes.

At least the people in Demolition like me. They get my energies up in the sweetest ways. With actual compliments. And real jokes. And they cheer when something goes up on cue.

And on date nights with Lynda? We go out into the darkness and I make fireworks as she cuddles me. Life's okay for me.

Mostly.

(Muse food remaining: 9. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Trapped!

(Have a random SPG lorefic that I finally finished yesterday)

Disclaimer: Steam Powered Giraffe is owned by David and Isabella Bennett... and possibly Sam Luke. I claim nothing but my own words below.

AN: Inspired by this post: http://spooky-robot.tumblr.com/post/130837401424/1950

Trapped!

InterNutter

1950.

The Spine had expected to find Rabbit chatting to Ma and Pappy's gravestones. After three wars[1], it was strange to think that Rabbit would not understand what death was. And yet... Rabbit kept

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Challenge #01002-B270: Suck it, Scheherazade!

As far as I am aware, Australia is the only country in the world that eats every theoretically edible part of its national coat of arms (well, stars and crosses... bikkie form?) Roo (lean red meat, the animal is less harmful to the environment than cattle or sheep), Emu (tastes like chicken - well, kinda gamey chicken), and Wattle (seeds make a sweet flour), all eaten.

Although I guess for some countries that would be quite difficult, since they're cheating with having

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Today's the day!

In just a few moments, I will be putting thought to words for my one thousand and second story. I have beat Scheherazade.

So of firkin course I've woken at 2AM and am in sore need of caffeine.

My sleep cycle needs training wheels. And my coffee needs so much sugar that I'll definitely loose my teeth. Argh.

Fuckit. I'm getting a cuppa.

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Challenge #01001-B269: Paradise Made

Life was never meant to be fair, which was why you had to stab it in the back from the shadows, and kick it in the balls to make sure it stayed down. -- RecklessPrudence

Some say that where there's life, there's hope. They're idiots. I say, where there's life, there's a target. It's kill or be killed. Nature, red in tooth and claw, has been fighting intelligent folk since the dawn of intelligence.

We're all a pack of wolves, out for

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I'm about to bust a record

The official count for all my Instants is a grand one thousand.

Now what famous anthology of tales is close to that? Oh yes. One thousand and one nights.

I won't crow until I beat that record, so you're safe for today. I've been planning on this for the better part of three years. And by crikey, I am going to celebrate.

Not that I have a lot to toss around as gifts because broke as fuck. All I have is my

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Challenge #01000-B268: One Turmultuous Afternoon in an Evil Keep

Hero: Powered by Love? You? You of all people, your most powerful magic, the attack that can devastate an army of battlemages, reduce a warded fortification and everyone in it to dust, and you claim it's powered by LOVE?!

Villain: Yes. Divorce rates go up measurably every time I use it.

(Bonus if it's a twisted form of a spell that would usually be fueled by the user's love, without consuming it) -- RecklessPrudence

"There's no love spell in the world that

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So close, and yet...

::Cue Days of Our Lives music::

When we last left our heroes, MeMum was in a quantum state between being able to communicate online and not being able to communicate online... Telstra had taken twenty-four hours and counting to get back on a one-hour call-back... and Mayhem had forgotten all his Home Ec. crap at school.

Your humble Author is still poor. That $30 has to spend five business days in transit between PayPal and my bank accounts for no apparent reason.

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Challenge #00998-B267: What a Nice Zoo. May I Live Here?

http://glitch.news/2015-08-27-ai-robot-that-learns-new-words-in-real-time-tells-human-creators-it-will-keep-them-in-a-people-zoo.html

Particularly the final written quote from the android, just before the embedded video. -- RecklessPrudence

Of all the human and allied colonies, the Consortium of Steam is possibly the strangest. Well... at least until you visit B'Nar. But that's another story for another time.

On the prime colony world of New Kazoo, as well as the satellite colonies, ownership is consensual. The owned have as many rights as the owners and sometimes... it is rather hard to

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Communication misadventure happy fun times

I succeeded in getting MeMum online. Yay. Alas, the avenues of communication are only one way because in order to get a reply to her, she needs a working email.

And those are borked because Telstra is way more than lackluster at the moment.

So... Yes, mum. I did get the four separate messages you sent to me late last night for some bizarre reason. Put your hearing aids in. I just tried to ring you twice and you didn't pick up.

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Challenge #00997-B266: Time to Clean the Tank

http://primarybufferpanel.tumblr.com/post/130327638454/alien-invasion

Thought you might like this one. Don't think it would fit in Amalgam-verse, though. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Yeah nah, it wouldn't.]

They called it the Green War. The collective nations of the Earth were fighting over, and in, the world's last forest. So of course, frequent use of napalm was de rigueur.

Elsewhere, pro-lifers were bombing fertility clinics in the mistaken belief that they also performed abortions. There were also roaming gangs of pro-lifers who

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Firkin Telstra...

I swear to the Powers That Be [pick your favourite] that tech support would be so much easier with people who understood what the fuck was going on.

I tried to get help from the alleged pros at Telstra. Several times. Concerning both getting MeMum's new compy online and accessing her Bigpond/email account.

I actually got assistance from Beloved about the former.

And as for the latter...

Cue the Benny Hill music.

Five calls. Two texts. One attempt by MeMum to

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Challenge #00996-B265: Miss Communication

That thing where your words get all tangled up and you can't speak your own language until you stop and spit out the bad sounds, then suddenly you can talk again. -- Anon Guest

[AN: You might appreciate this vid from Red Dwarf. There's also a more polished official version IDK I rather prefer the original...]

Shayde was in the middle of Explaining Physics. Some of the expositions she had were still years ahead of current technology. Right now, she was examining

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Incoming Adventures in Tech Support

It's a long weekend for my little darlings, so Beloved is planning on taking them for an adventure to the ocean, the second-deadliest thing about Australia. The first-deadliest is, of course, Australia itself.

Meanwhile, I'm doing something a little more risky.

Tech support for MeMum.

Her old computer has gone to silicone heaven [I plan on taking it home to see if it's really, most sincerely dead] and she now has spanking new compy that will not get online and probably has

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Challenge #00995-B264: One Stuffy Hour in a Remote Meeting Hall

SPOEn get confronted with this http://xkcd.com/1576/ (a personal failure at panel 6, where I guessed wrong and upset someone was what made me send the prompt that became SPOEn - I didn't articulate myself well in the prompt) -- RecklessPrudence

"Wait," said the noob at the meeting. "I thought this was for analysis of language drift, trying to find the origins. I mean, in so far as anyone can find any origins..."

"What did you think it meant when

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