InterNutter

Ow ow ow ow ow...

Beloved has a day off Mondays, because working on Saturdays is a thing during the Melbourne Cup wind-up. This, I thought, would be a prime opportunity to get them to adhere to the rest of the house's rules.

No.

Such.

Luck.

Beloved had a great case of persistent inertia and gave me the Irrits. Which culminated in a crescendo of me yelling about all the things that Beloved does to piss me the fuck off.

Good news - cleaning the gritty bits off of the bathroom surfaces is a good way for me to dissipate anger without exploding at anyone else.

Bad news - I retain my initial saltiness regardless of how clean the bathroom is.

Good news - Beloved made the bed and helped with the kids and actually went on a walk. Once around the block is all we can fit in at the moment. But it's better than zero times around nothing.

Further good news - I now have a means, but not a method, of getting Beloved to adhere to the schedule. All I have to do is get them to bed on time.

And Beloved is currently the champion of "I'm not tired, Mummy".

Gonna have to figure out a hot milky drink to bring on somnolence that is also "okay" for Beloved's diabetes and cholesterol.

Me? I'm fine with a cuppa tea. Even with almond milk instead of the regular kind, it's enough to help me unwind all the way to drowsiness.

Any help would be appreciated.

Meanwhile, I have a billion things to do, limited time, and very limited energy. I need all the help I can get.

Challenge #01375-C280: Needing Hands

Breathing bodies is a term for people, not necessarily qualified who can be used for tasks that free up more qualified people(@) - third hands? Well humans have only two, but some people are quite good at being a third hand when needed.(*)

(@) example "here, put your hand on this and yell if it gets hot."

(*) "Hold this steady while I tighten the coupling up." And there are times when they are invaluable. -- Knitnan

[AN: Footnotes in prompts are NOT a

How I eat cake and lose weight too

It's not easy and it's not fun, but oh, how the cake is worth it.

I'm currently using a diet app called Easy Diet Diary to keep track of how much I eat, and how many kilojoules I consume. My goal for safe dieting, according to the app, is eight thousand kilojoules.

On an average day, I make it up to around eighty percent of that noise. One slice of cake is roughly a third of my allotted kilojoules.

Therefore, the rest

Challenge #01374-C279: Three Things They Did Wrong and One Thing They Did Right

http://khaleesijade.tumblr.com/post/150856878533/agentquinn-sepulchritude-my-fav-trope-is -- Anon Guest

Understanding humans is a difficult business. Gallusians, one of the earliest Galactic species to hire their services, know this better than most.

Kru'ku, designated companion/guide of the exploration vessel Tikavi, wrote what many consider to be the first guide centred around the proper care and handling of humans. Their work encapsulates years of research, anecdotal evidence, assumptions, and quite a large amount of wild guesses.

For a seminal work, it is

So close...

You would be surprised how few avenues there are for making one's own costume, out there. Generic, cheaply-made dress-ups are all you can find.

I purchased an allegedly 'adult' costume for Mayhem that barely fits him. And it has massive static cling issues. Which just re-enforces the idea that I need to learn how to sew. Costuming from pret-a-porter is not what it used to be.

I have to solve Chaos' Gem issue, fix my hat, repair my heart, and find some

Challenge #01372-C277: It's a Human Thing

1) Aliens being extremely confused when humans that spend any length of time in the area with the nice fashionable wallpaper become nauseous and when questioned try to explain that the patterns are moving

2) True Facts(TM) about Ghosts -- Anon Guest

[AN: This puts the gap count down to three!]

1)

The Klypt'l had done their best to be accommodating. They had refurbished any and all human artefacts into useful furniture -even comfortable furniture- for the use of their Deathworlder

Sideways!

It doesn't matter which order things are done in, only that they are done. Therefore, it's no surprise that my little darlings have adapted to the 'get up and do it' routine whilst my Beloved still drags their heels.

Mayhem has taken to sorting the laundry as part of his morning routine. Chaos still needs a lot of reminding, but she is getting used to the way things are meant to go.

Beloved... is working late because Melbourne Cup. Their work gets

Challenge #01371-C276: One Small Difference

Dragon: Tries to kidnap a princess

Dragon: Accidentally saves a Prince from a tower

Dragon: Isn't sure what happened -- OohLookShiny

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a young Dragon in possession of a good lair, must be in want of a Princess. So it was for Ginrauth, who had not only terrorised the local Dwarfs into submitting 'donations' to his hoard, but had also found an abundance of shiny gemstones within the cavern he dug. He knew all there was

S-L-O-W-L-Y

If there's anything more irritating to live with than a case of the Slo-Mo's, I can't think of it right now.

I couldn't get to sleep until Beloved came home. Well, not properly. I managed to cat-nap until that time. And then I woke at four in the morning. Too tired to sleep.

Which is a bitch if there ever was one.

Since Beloved was home late, I gave up on the morning walk and dived straight into getting the kids organised.

Challenge #01370-C275: Homicidally Annoying

"Are you eating cereal? It's 8pm."

"Specific mealtimes are social constructs that have no real impact on our lives."

"Is that my cereal?"

"O-ownership is a social construct that..." -- OohLookShiny

There are drawbacks to rooming with a pseudo-intellectual. First was having to know the thesaurus just to have a conversation with them. The second was not murdering them for their constant over-corrections.

And the third...

Madrass(not his real name. He claimed it was 'more spiritual') had taken over the couch.

Yoiks and Awaaaaaay...

Once again, I got rejected. Once again, I do this nonse:

[Shown: Daffy Duck repeatedly swinging into a tree]

I figured this was going to take some time. When I run out of likely candidates in one agency, I will try another. Until I run down to the bottom of my 30-person list.

Only then will I put up Kung Fu Zombies on Amazon and Smashwords.

But in the meantime, there's a new short story for free. It's currently only available in

Challenge #01369-C274: The Strongest of All

Based on one post in yesterday's prompt, Humans in a fantasy realm as Team Fuck It Hold My Beer I Got This. Details here. -- RecklessPrudence

Elves can see as far as an eagle, and shoot the eyes out of a fly, if it suited their fancy. Humans invented telescopes, and microscopes, and crossbows, and cannons. And the Elves thought themselves lucky that the humans turned all that deadly enginuity towards each other, and not towards other species.

Dwarves are as tough

I'm 44

...and everything's gone to shit. I got rejected by yet another agent, the birthday card from MeMum hasn't arrived yet (three raspberries for the Aussie postal service), and the careful timing of this morning did not account for Beloved dragging their feet until such time that I have to do my blogging on the road. Huzzah.

Thank providence for laptops, mobile hotspots, and USB car charger ports. Otherwise, I would be supremely miffed at my Beloved.

All going well, I will achieve

Challenge #01368-C273: Insane Genius

While I love Humans as Space Orcs, can we get some exploration of this theory, that humanity's 'hat' in the galaxy full of Planet of Hats that is Star Trek is that we're Doc Brown? Please note the reason Scotty's Chief Engineer of the Enterprise, as well as the Vulcan Science Academy's interactions. (Also this might explain why the multispecies Federation ships in TOS-era seem to be crewed in an almost entirely monospecies manner, what with that all-Vulcan ship in one episode,

Swag Day!

Celebrations are done and I have yet to scoop up the wrapping paper. But this year was a decent haul.

Beloved gift-wrapped the meds I sent them to get and the pegs I asked for. Sneaky sod. But I also got some sweet tech out of the deal.

A shower speaker that I can blue-tooth link to my phone and blast Steam Powered Giraffe whilst I lather up.
A bluetooth radio deelie that I can also link with my phone and have

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Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Ow ow ow ow ow...

Challenge #01375-C280: Needing Hands

How I eat cake and lose weight too

Challenge #01374-C279: Three Things They Did Wrong and One Thing They Did Right

So close...

Challenge #01372-C277: It's a Human Thing

Sideways!

Challenge #01371-C276: One Small Difference

S-L-O-W-L-Y

Challenge #01370-C275: Homicidally Annoying

Yoiks and Awaaaaaay...

Challenge #01369-C274: The Strongest of All

I'm 44

Challenge #01368-C273: Insane Genius

Swag Day!