InterNutter

Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Burpengary East http://www.cmweller.com 12153 posts

Challenge #02008-E184: What About Me?

The older jade-skinned female shook her head with a sympathetic smile - not angry, but understanding good intentions gone misinformed.

"Lana, you're young and determined, but also human. Tall, white, human. Not short, not green, and definitely not goblin. I appreciate you wanting to plan this 'goblin pride' rally thing, but it's kinda romanticised. Just because we mixed into human society doesn't mean we risk losing ourselves. We still know our history and have our beliefs and traditions, as crude and vulgar as some of them are in the opinions of some humans."

The goblin woman frowned a bit, as if hesitating slightly. "But Goblins... we weren't exactly the whole 'noble savage' thing like you were taught and want to show, nice as that might sound to pretend otherwise. We were craven little gremlins, jumping at shadows - funny to learn fantasy roleplaying games were pretty accurate on that, to a degree, huh?"

A pause as Lana chuckled, then she continued. "Before the humans discovered the first goblins, we were little monsters; we scavenged carcasses or garbage, lived in swamps & caves, and basically used sex as currency. Integrating with human society was a good thing. Medicine, good food, safety. Lives got longer, kids got smarter. We... are better off now. Now come here, kiddo, let's see if we can't get things a bit more presentably accurate..." -- Anon Guest.

There were many things to be proud of, as a Goblin. The species' tenacity was definitely in the top ten. As was their adaptability to any given environment. Not mentioned in polite society was how Goblins knew how to prepare, cook, and eat the flesh of other intelligent species. Their inherent magic to render any normally inedible and soft enough substance into edible material, on the other hand, was widely celebrated after an inordinate spate of food terrorism.

Well. It was called food terrorism now. Back in the era it was happening, it was called The Deregulation and Dismantling of the FDA. Or it was better known at the time, a bold new move for the invisible hand of the free market. The free market had loved being able to add poison to foodstuffs to make it last longer, taste better, look healthier, and otherwise make vast amounts of profit with the least amount of expenditure. And the medical market had loved putting people into debtor's prison for their crimes of being sick and poor.

The Goblins had come out of the woodwork, safely consuming that which sickened humanity. Things were revealed. And suddenly the invisible hand of the free market had competition from a species that could make all the adulterated food safe to eat once more. The revolution came shortly thereafter, when the ruling class attempted to make these unlikely saviour cryptids illegal and openly urged for Goblin extinction.

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Welp...

[Shown here: Screen shot of a generic and completely unhelpful rejection letter. Text reads: "Dear Author, Thank you for your email, and for giving me a look at your material. Unfortunately, I'm afraid I must pass, but I hope you will accept my best wishes for your future success."]

There goes my last hope.

Before I pick myself up and do my Robin Daffy impersonation, I will give myself a couple of days to figure out what the actual shit I can

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Challenge #02007-E183: Confounding Convergence

'Don't be silly', snapped Mara, 'cows have 6 legs'. (Mara from Feists 'Empire' trilogy, goes with Kevin to Midkemia) -- Anon Guest

[AN: Another book series I will likely forget to find and read. Whoops. I'm still trying to get into GoT...]

Yan stopped cold and stared her fellow human. "We are talking about the same animal, right? Terran origin mammal, about yae tall," she gestured with her hand. "Goes 'moo'. Herbivorous. Four stomachs. Gives milk?"

"Uh. No. I have no idea

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MUTTON!

When I was a kid, you could get mutton everywhere. For those poor babies who don't know what flavour is, mutton is a full-grown sheep's meat. It completely mystifies me as to why everyone wants random lamb a-ding-dong, because mutton has a rich flavour that should be experienced.

And since Australia flourished on the sheep's back at the time, you could not only get mutton for cheap, but there were also plenty of sources of a thing called 'hogget'. Which is Olde

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Challenge #02006-E182: He's a Griefer

“How could you?"

“I trusted you and, and you played me!”

“Like the cheap kazoo you are” -- Anon Guest

Some tasks are harder than others. Some efforts are purely emotional. And by the end of this mission to Zangress Four, Arlo was feeling weak as a kitten despite having all her health stats in peak range. The explorer she'd been hired to escort, Thuxx, had managed to make it through all kinds of potential hazards, including being one of those types

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Done, Done, Done, Done, Done, Done...

Today's title comes from this lovely tune which suits me to a T today. I am DONE.

I finished Clockwork Souls yesterday, and I just now got it converted to assorted formats for interested beta readers.

Loyal readers of this particular blog can read/comment on the docx version here if they so choose.

I've enabled commenting in all formats in the Clockwork Souls folder on my Google drive.

Not that I expect much action from this. But I will be looking

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Challenge #02005-E181: One Line to Cross

Humans are walking biohazard to everyone and everything. Our saliva can cause several pandemics alone is unchecked. If our gut is punctuated, the bacteria (and acid) inside us will eat us alive, not to mention whoever else may come into contact with it.

What happens when the galactic community first learns about this fact?

What happens when a human is found with an open gut wound that has been left untreated? -- Anon Guest

Humans will risk their lives for the beings

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Set Your Timers

My car is going in for a service at 10 today. That gives me a little less than three hours to get my shit together, and in the middle of trying to write this post, I got this bullshit:

[Shown here: Error message over an empty post titled (Untitled), message reads "Are you sure you want to delete this post?" and in a smaller font, "You're about to delete "(Untitled)". This is permanent! No backups, no restores, no magic undo button. We

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Challenge #02004-E180: Nice... Dog?

How do alien ambassadors to earth first react to trying to translate/figure out what is a dog and what isn’t? At this point it’s a minor policy at the embassy to just assume all furred quadrupeds smaller than a horse are dogs. -- Anon Guest

Terra's first unofficial ambassador was the dog. Closely followed by the cat. The cat was simply pest control, but the dog... there are few species of Terran origin that are more versatile. Some Havenworlders

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Finishing Season

Seems to be the time of year for finishing stuff up. I'm 1500 words away from the end of Clockwork Souls and I've just-last-night reached an ending for my fanfic, Crime and Punishment.

I'm going to ponder which fanfic I'm doing next because I can't not write. There's a few juicy ideas I have excerpts for. I just need to pick the shiniest one.

Announcements when that happens, of course.

Today's another cleaning day, and having our new toy means that all

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Challenge #02003-E179: Adventure is Out There

“I hate you.”

“You just saved my life! Plus, we both know you adore me.”

“Well, finding someone else to hate is too much work.”

“And risking your own life to save me wasn’t?”

“See? This is why I hate you. Nitpicking, and ungrateful.” -- Spotted

Everyone has heard of the Fisher King. Very few have heard of the Adventurer King, the one who decided to help his Kingdom by personally fighting the problems that plagued it. Unfortunately for Sir Dravyn,

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I think I got it now...

I'm into the swing of eating mostly protein. And my bod's still getting used to the change. I may have overdone the "energy" portion of my fodder last night because, dangit, I needed a treat after the run-around I got in finally posting yesterday's instant.

It went a little something like this:

  • Write story according to schedule
  • Attempt to merge in picture
  • 504 error apparently obliterates story
  • P A N I C !
  • Cursing
  • Realise that story is potentially lost forever and I
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Challenge #02003-E179: Sibling Ribaldry

How would aliens react to human-human relationships? Particularly close ones (best friends, romantic partners) where affection is mainly shown through quips and teasing? -- Anon Guest

Humans are pack animals. When enlisting Humans on to your vessel, one may consider the benefits of recruiting Humans who are already deeply bonded with each other. -- Galactic Advice Manual, The Care and Maintenance of Humans.

Humans accustomed to space tended to have monosyllabic names. Many were pronounceable by most Galactics. Such was the case

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'Tis Tuesday, I must Patreon

The kitchen has been unfucked, and with some good fortune, I may be able to convince my little darlings to put away the clean stuff once they're conscious.

Of course they've fallen into the holiday mindset of staying up as late as possible and sleeping in as long as possible. It's the holidays. I'm only awake because I literally can't sleep past 5AM.

That said, I'm in my "not going anywhere" ensemble of Kigurumi and toe socks with optional uggs.

And because

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Challenge #02002-E178: Double Scheherazade

Alien crew explores a likely-haunted spaceship wreck they found floating around -- TheDragonsFlame

Afterlives are one of the more complicated cultural complications in Galactic Society. Though citizens are not encouraged to insist on inserting their beliefs into others' heads, the topic of assorted beliefs is not taboo, either. One is expected to not judge, and not be judged in return. For instance: most cultures believe that some form of animated spirit persists after the mortal shell is deceased. Where it goes and

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