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Challenge #01880-E056: Truly Heavenly?

Turns out that Satan is a really nice guy who hate violence and God is an old sadistic pervert. Because their roles is just a job, and the Administration messed up with their applications. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I'm guessing 90% of this prompt is based on the Old Testament, Revelations, and possibly the Satanic Rules of Earth as concocted by a bunch of stir-the-pot atheists who routinely cause trouble when the Christians try to shove their religion into public spaces]

Everyone knows that Hell is circular. This is because the sins come around to bite a soul on the arse. One way or another. What is less known is that Heaven is a cube. It is full of Angels, a Dragon, and a certain number of virgins chanting "Glory, Glory, Glory," forever. It's in the Bible. Look it up. According to the scripture, it is eternal worship, or eternal pain. For the remainder of existence.

The sprits who are deemed pure enough to enter biblical heaven don't even know what they're missing out on. They are wrapped in the obligation to worship, because the entity in charge actually likes that. Glory. Praise. Power. All of it. They can never get enough.

And in the other place...

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Challenge #01879-E055: You Have Been Randomly Selected

In case of epic quest to save the world, it's never the Royal Guards or the veteran that we send. Because the guard must protect the Royal Family and the veteran are either too old or already dead. So it's always the rookies adventurers who will be blocked by a locked wooden door. -- Anon Guest

They had tried, once, and only once, to send the Great Hero to defeat the evil forces of darkness. What they discovered was the Unwritten Rule:

Challenge #01878-E054: The Mating Game

[Title, "The Harkness Test"] Because if Humanity discovers Alien life without needing a xenocide (from either side), there will be at least 1 person who will try to mate with them. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Again, please do not make your prompt title part of your prompt. You could literally make your prompt title a serial number. I care about the prompt content, and doing the title stuff is a pain in my butt]

Some elementary truths about humans in general, and

Challenge #01877-E053: Working With the Dead

Sometimes the person you admire or love has a passion or hobby that they would really love to get stuff for. -- Anon Guest

Hobbyists are easy to buy for. Well. Most of them are. Gardeners will love you for getting a big bag of manure. Leatherworkers - the less said about the gross stuff that Leatherworkers would thank you for, the better. Especially if they do their own tanning. Arts and crafts people will be grateful for infinite art supplies.

But

Challenge #01876-E052: When You Put it That Way

National delicacy, the sort of stuff diplomats have to eat and appear to enjoy. Sheep's eyeballs and truly rotten fish come to mind. -- Anon Guest

"So what is this one?" And since this was the second time the Ambassador asked this question about the foodstuff before them, they didn't want to know what it was named. They wanted to know what it was made of.

"A goose's liver, after the animal has been force-fed to the point where said liver becomes

Challenge #01875-E051: Earth's Deadliest...

“Humans? We are the most dangerous animal on earth. Not shark, not bear, not anything else. Us. Other animals, they kill when they need to, and only then. Kill for food, or for protection. We kill when we think we need to, kill when we want to... It is not the same.” -- Anon Guest

Humans are dangerous. The Galactic Alliance knows this. Having seen human transmissions, both of fantasy and fact, they know that humans are indomitable, hazardous, and insane. But

Challenge #01874-E050: Welcome Back

“The risk I took was calculated, but man, I’m bad at math.” -- TheDragonsFlame

It was later. The wounds had been repaired and bandaged. The fires had been extinguished. The echoes of the explosions had long since died down. And Tierl was still pissed. Because she was waiting for Jan to wake up after the flakking mess she'd made. Sure, there were upsides and downsides to loving a Lucker, and this was the one that irritated Tierl the most. Watching time

Challenge #01873-E049: Infestation Reformation

Picture a Fallout style after-the-bombs postapocalyptic world, but we humans are extinct. Nothing but ruined buildings, leftover wreckage, wandering mutants of assorted types, and abandoned hoards of supplies like armor, food, tools, and weapons...

Meanwhile, on the other side of reality, the stereotype sword-n-sorcery fantasy realm gets so sick and tired of goblins - stupid, obnoxious, violent, vulgar little wretches that breed like rats on speed and can bounce back from just about anything short of incineration or wholesale dismemberment - that

Challenge #01872-E048: Aftermath

[Person 1 wakes up] “Ugh... what happened?”

[Person 2] “Do you want me to start before or after you started a civil war?” -- TheDragonsFlame

There was a wild party going on. But there had been a wild party going on when he passed out. The headache said it had been more than a while, but the noise level said it hadn't been that long. Hwell reached for the electrolyte solution that Ax'and'l had thoughtfully set out, and left the covered bacon

Challenge #01871-E047: Know When to Walk Away

Hello! I would find it immensely amusing if you would write a fic where Maxim (Girl Genius) and/or any of the Jägers run into Taako (TAZ) and strike up a conversation about hats. Your writing is great and I am highly impressed with how much you manage to write. Thanks for listening! :) -- HowShouldIKnow

Never mind how they got there. The meeting should have been brief. It should have resulted in one of them knowing something the other had to bargain

Challenge #01870-E046: Top Secret Womens' Business

"Prime Minister, we have little time. We must awaken Atlantis..." the tall dark-skinned woman said, crisp business suit and dark glasses lending an air of authority that even the PM felt humbled by.

"Atlantis? Like the myth of the wondrous Greek city that sunk into the sea?"

"Greek? Sank? Mere misdirecting fiction," she replied. "ATLANTIS as in the Advanced Terran Laser And Nuclear Threat Incapacitation System."

"The what? Is ... is this... thing... in Australia?"

"No, Prime Minister. It is Australia. I'll explain

Challenge #01869-E045: Say What You Mean

Trades and hobbies have specialist language often the same word can mean completely different things. "Galley", a type of ship, a pre-publishing book or article, a place where Artwork is displayed. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Nonny, you have confused "galley" with "gallery" there]

From the Dictionary of Confusing Slang on the free infonet:

Face: (n)
1. Application of stage makeup for a performance (theatrical)
2. Application of makeup for business (civilian human female, pre-Shattering)
3. Painting on protective boards to make a

Challenge #01868-E044: The Stepford House

As early 20th century houses go, it was fine. Neat, tidy, clean, owners polite to their black maid and cleaner and paid them well, children loved by their parents, and parents whom loved their children.

So WHY did it reek like a stinking dungeon in a necromancers castle? The Doctor lasted 10 seconds before leaping in with both boots. -- Anon Guest

It was almost a cliché, really. Lost traveller, wicked storm. Can't stay out in this mess. Would it be too

Challenge #01863-E039: Reformation Process

Meanwhile, at a Top Secret Government Organization…

Agent: “…and that, fortunately, was the moment the device overloaded and self-destructed. Division 6’s damage-control team was able to convince the public it was just a ignited leak from a gas line triggered by a malfunctioning industrial diesel generator.”

Chief: “Excellent; the last thing we could’ve been able to handle was that chemical getting to the water supply. Ah, our refreshments are ready. Thank you, Lav’der.”

Agent: “Hmph. I’ll pass. God

Challenge #01862-E038: Trust Yourself

She left a message for her younger self to read. -- SongSpired

Time travel was a bitch. Sorting out the mistakes of life retroactively was never a fun thing. Making sure she would pay attention to her own warnings to herself had been the work of several journeys. And multiple encounters. She could not talk to herself. Both brains shut down for that sort of thing. Leaving notes, however, was perfect.

Her teenaged self was asleep in bed. Sleeping the sleep of

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A 4757-post collection

Challenge #01880-E056: Truly Heavenly?

Challenge #01879-E055: You Have Been Randomly Selected

Challenge #01878-E054: The Mating Game

Challenge #01877-E053: Working With the Dead

Challenge #01876-E052: When You Put it That Way

Challenge #01875-E051: Earth's Deadliest...

Challenge #01874-E050: Welcome Back

Challenge #01873-E049: Infestation Reformation

Challenge #01872-E048: Aftermath

Challenge #01871-E047: Know When to Walk Away

Challenge #01870-E046: Top Secret Womens' Business

Challenge #01869-E045: Say What You Mean

Challenge #01868-E044: The Stepford House

Challenge #01863-E039: Reformation Process

Challenge #01862-E038: Trust Yourself