Amalgam Universe

A 2271-post collection

Challenge #02261-F071: They Love to Sing-a

"When an eel bites your thigh,

then you bleed out and die,

thats a Moray"

Humans will parody anything they like and especially catchy songs.

Even National Anthems. No matter the origin. -- Anon Guest

The local Humans were having an Untalent Show at the Choose Your Poison Drink[1], wherein all participants imbibed a lot of alcohol, got up onto the in-house stage, and demonstrated something they were horrible at. Either that, or it was Two Drink Minimum Karaoke Night. It was hard to tell.

Inside, Humans were rendering[2] assorted relentlessly popular tunes. A group of five were attempting to finish Yellow Submarine, except at various points, it became a purple washing machine, trying to score some exadrine, a fantabulous marine, or they were getting nice and clean. Someone else, possibly in an effort to drown out those five, was belting out My Balogna. Several people were failing at dancing.

A quorum of applause seemed to be enough to get those combattants to step down. A different group stood, wobbling slightly, on the stage, waiting for a percentage of the ruckus to die down. There were four of them. They might be about to commit Barbershop[3]. Lyr readied her comms and made sure her stunner was loose in its holster, just in case.

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Challenge #02260-F070: The Answer

42 is the answer to everything.

Aliens meet a fan of the series and are baffled, that 42 is the correct answer to every problem on their ship.

Coincidence or Joke ? -- Anon Guest

"Whoa. That's gotta be forty-two comets in a V-formation," stated Human Dug. Later assessment revealed that they were correct. There were exactly forty-two cometary masses grouped together and orbiting this particular sun.

This was a peculiarity of Human Dug. Forty-two was always the answer, and it always was

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Challenge #02259-F069: Got an Axe to Grind

The most destructive and deadly weapon of all is not an antimatter bomb. That place goes to a Human with ductape, a Multitool, a Target and no reason to not do it.

Or to care for his safety. -- Anon Guest

Humans have a lot of sayings concerning revenge. This should be enough warning for most species, but there are always an unfortunate few who are slow learners. Suffice to say that if your commanding officer decides to blast an isolated Human

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Challenge #02258-F068: MacGuyvering the Excrement...

A human uses a fire extinguisher, some glue, self-made rocket fuel, some ductape, bolts and other stuff to render an enemy vessel useless.

Be creative :-) -- Anon Guest

[AN: I always am, Nonny. You don't have to tell me]

"Okay," panted Human Ange. "Good news, bad news. Good news... we're alive so far. Yay." It was statements of alleged optimism like that that helped earn Humanity's reputation in the Alliance.

"Bad news," stated Gaurx, "We are sheltering in a supplies hold.

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Challenge #02257-F067: Terrans of the Deep

Human talk about their oceans flora and fauna and deep water creatures.

Needless to say, it only adds more reasons, why Humans and their Deathworld should have been classified way higher. -- Anon Guest

Humans love to explore. To them, nothing is more alluring than the path not taken, the nook unchecked, or the depths undelved. There is no length a Human will not go to in order to see what's there just because they can. It should therefore surprise few that,

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Challenge #02256-F066: First to Aid

A book written by an alien Medic over humans and their needs (physical/emotional/etc) medical "normal" procedures/operations for them, limits of humans (go wild and have fun with this one^^) and what to do with your human if sh*t hits the fan and emergency medical procedures (Bringing him back to life by smashing repeatedly his ribcage and forcing air in, stopping leaks, treating rocket fuel burn( how did he even get this?!?) , etc.)

Have fun and do your thing

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Challenge #02255-F065: We Welcome

The Hive of _________ could rule themself lucky. Enough food, no immediate threats and a happy broodmother.

All is well and quiet, until they need to integrate a human onboard one of their ships.

Even the drones are confused. They don't have a hive-system? They aren't born with their duties and jobs?

Just some casual integration on a Hiveship. What could go wrong? -- Anon Guest

Ysoptae Hive Identity Flitterfell was informed that they

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Challenge #02254-F064: The Universal Poison

Adrenaline and Caffeine. The worst substances in existence.

Highly deadly and poisonous to literally every life form in existence. No wonder, that hostile forces use it as tipping for their weapons, ammo, knives, etc.

They are feared. They are Powerful.

Until they fight their first human on a spaceship by a raid.

The attackers didn't know that it makes them stronger and near invincible.

The human didn't know, that they mean Add/Caffeine with "deadly poison".

The crew is afraid and doesn't

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Challenge #02253-F063: A Little Support

Havenworlders learn about same-gender-Relationships.

Yeah go from there wherever you are comfortable. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I'm glad you said that, OP]

Evolution is a funny old thing. It is driven - if one can call a system based around random mutations, chance, happenstance, and incidental accidents 'driven' - by the concept of preserving the next generation so that more generations will happen. On Deathworlds, this means that there has to be a portion of the population ready to nurture young that

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Challenge #02252-F062: Compensation to be Negotiated

I read a post from you a while ago (which i loved, thank you for that^^), where there was a lunatic, psychopathic, blood-spilling cat-lover on a station.

Can you please write a sequel of it, like if he is on a ship with a crew and it got attacked and goes full head on Berserker/Shizo-Mode (e.g.when a cat got hurt) and he wipes them out.

But goes back to being creepy friendly next second and pats his cat with

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Challenge #02251-F061: They're Best Friends

Human survives horrible maiming, torture, excessive bleeding, battle wounds like a split skull etc. and Havenworlder doctor is completely scared of a being that laughs in the face of death, is even victorious (in wiping out the enemy), and survives wounds, which should be definitely fatal. -- Anon Guest

Human Stef was leaking again. There was a ten centidu[1] gash along the exposed flesh of her arm and some of the effluvium had had time to form a flaky crust. Doctor

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Challenge #02250-F060: If You Want the Rainbow

A Havenworlder sees for the first time, a Rainbow on Earth. He tells his species and Earth becomes suddenly more attractive. -- Anon Guest

Rykki often wondered why she had come to Earth. There was something morbidly fascinating about the Deathworlder's cradle planet. As if going there could verify why the Humans had been so keen on leaving it. So far, Rykki's leading theory was - the weather.

It had been raining hard enough to frighten Rykki, but her guide, Human Joff,

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Challenge #02249-F059: Hunter Hunted

Some Havenworlders and some Humans are playing Cops and Robbers as a training exercise and the Havenworlders quickly learn that Humans can control their predictory aura, by either increasing it to a degree that it would make even a Vorax run in fear or decrease it to the point of nonexistence. And the worst part is that the humans aren't even aware of it. -- Chara Dremmurr

Humans have so many games that hinge around the core mechanic of 'chase and symbolically

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Challenge #02248-F058: All Hail the Weird Ones

An entire planet seems to be "astronomical at best." -- Anon Guest

Aargus 6F is one of the weirder planets to evolve cogniscent life. Their parental gas giant, Aargus 6, is far out of the 'Goldilocks Zone', yet tidal forces caused by the orbit in combination with a rotating iron core have caused the planet to be warm enough to host life.

The skies are almost always dark on Aargus 5F, when they are not dominated by their parental gas giant, which

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Challenge #02247-F057: Slow Progress

Being an anxious over-thinker is hard. You usually scare yourself. -- Anon Guest

Why, oh why, did clinging to the very bottom rung of the social ladder feel like hanging desperately from a trapeze... roughly a hundred Sidu's up[1] and with no safety net? CL-3 tried not to hyperventilate and faint -again- as things continued to deviate from her expected norm. Not that she had been much better within her expected norm, but at least there was a routine. Everything changed

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