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Challenge #02137-E308: Ante-Shattering Presents...

a documentary series by an alien film crew about the cultures of pre-shattering nations of earth

this week Americans.

loud, obnoxious, wildly opinionated, and with a cultural love of guns so deep that it never left. -- Anon Guest

A warning to all Havenworlders: This feature contains footage of Deathworlders, containing Deathworlders, and about Deathworlders. It is intended as a cultural analysis of pre-Shattering Terran identity groups. This episodes contains multiple explosions, loud Humans acting in violent ways, and portrayals of open hostility amongst members of the same species.

Ante-Shattering Presents: North America - the United States.

There is one national identity built on lies, forged in genocide and enslavement, that purported to stand for freedom in all its forms. Despite being discovered by several other nationalities in the past, the residents picked a man with poor mathematics skills who never actually set foot on the main land mass as the individual who discovered it. Chief amongst those neglected parties were the people who were already living there, in civilisations more advanced than the invaders.

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Challenge #02136-E307: Sententiam Dei

War was always here. Before man was, war waited for him. The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner.- gesh xenobiologist -- Anon Guest

[AN: Since the Gesh are someone else's IP, I can't slot them into my Universe, but I know nothing of this world, so...]

Call me Combat. Since the first RNA chains struggled to combine in the first primordial ooze, I have been. I have not been engaged in activity, I just... existed. Divinities do not say, I think,

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Challenge #02135-E306: It's a Bit Like Bognor

Humans have 3 states of existence. Yes, No, and hold my drink. -- Anon Guest

Thax had never met a Human before, but it was highly advisable that she get one for her expedition into the Edge Territories. The information available was... incredibly scant. Well. The information that wasn't also attached to an offensensitivity warning.

Humans have three states of existence, it said, Yes, No, and "Hold My Drink". They were Deathworlders, but they were also classed as "Mostly Harmless" until provoked.

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Challenge #02134-E305: Terms of Combat Have Changed

A single inescapable fact is that humanity united with infinitely greater purpose in pursuit of war than they ever did in pursuit of peace. -- Anon Guest

Humans are not good at sharing, they say. Their origin planet was divided into thousands of groups identifying themselves with borders, religion, and culture to define battling clusters. When all of those were in common, lines divided amongst economic, gender identity, skin tone, and creedic boundaries.

All it took was one contact with visiting alien

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Challenge #02133-E304: Forewarned is...

Humans love things that explode. "Ooh look! fireworks." -- Anon Guest

Things that Humans love that go bang in various ways: a list compiled by non-Humans.

  1. Popping candy. Effervescent crystals encapsulated in chocolate and sugar. When dissolving in saliva, produce a crackling sensation in the mouth and sinuses. Harmful to those with theobromine sensitivity, but otherwise mostly harmless. Offensensitivity rating: low.

  2. Popcorn. Grains originating from the American continents, heated until the water inside the grains bursts through their own hard casing. Consumed

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Challenge #02133-E304: Mislaid

"Did anyone see a tank?"

"What colour was it?" -- Anon Guest

"Bright flakking red," said Human Jen. Like all things that came from a Human's mouth, it was difficult to tell whether that was sarcasm, a joke, or the truth. This was something of a hindrance in a Military Replica Driving Range.

Thorkak took a deep, cleansing breath, and tried again, "For clarity of understanding, are you searching for a mechanical tank, a fish tank, or a garment tank?"

Human Jen

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Challenge #02132-E303: Occam's Solution

"We do this every month, and it always ends the same way!"

"But I'm telling you it shouldn't! We change every variable every time."

"But never the most important variable -- YOU!" -- Anon Guest

The wizard Narbic Parvin Charm boggled at the heroes. "So I just have to sit and wait like a bump on a log while you do all the complicated things to open the unopenable door?"

"That's looking like the shape of it," said the leader of the

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Challenge #02131-E302: Strangers in a Very Strange Land

planetary survey on new world gets progressively jaded as they meet real mythical animals -- Anon Guest

Welcome to Mythos. Here, there be dragons. For real, actual dragons. They don't breathe fire, but they do have an acidic spray from their own digestive tract that's almost as bad. Their original gengineers started with the largest Terran lizard - the komodo - and worked at it from there. They're sluggish and make nests out of shiny objects to attract their mates. Beyond that,

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Challenge #02130-E301: Let the Punishment Fit

"You do realise that the more you complain, call me rude names, and try to bully me into backing down, the more I'm going to look at this and ticket you for the faults, right?"

"And? I can pay as many tickets as you like, and before you make it back to your office!" -- Anon Guest

Officer Pam stared at the young man in the driver's seat. He was rich, you could tell by the car alone, but he had decided

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Challenge #02129-E300: Megalomaniacs Are Hard to Shop For

"I shall bring you the heart of your greatest enemy!"

"What, all of year 10 English class? Messy." -- Anon Guest

"Wait. What? A high school English class is your greatest enemy?"

"Sit down and I'll tell you a tale," said Miss Evans, dedicated megalomaniac. "A tale most horrifying. A tale about the biggest group of irreverent, foul-mouthed, foul-minded punsters that have ever breathed."

Loqui was already feeling trepidatious. "Are you sure you have to? I'm a smart enough minion to get

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Challenge #02128-E299: Pick Up Your Skirts and Walk Away

"Have fun with your crisis, I'm going to live among the goats." -- OohLookShiny

Leth had told them. She'd told them often. She'd told them so much that they mocked her for saying it, but she said it nonetheless.

"No good has ever come from making the rich richer and the poor poorer," she had said. Or, "In order for an economy to flourish, you have to give money to people who will spend it."

They didn't listen. They didn't listen because

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Challenge #02127-E298: Cruel and Unusual

"I swear, if you press that button one more time, I will end you!" -- Anon Guest

In all the universe, no instrument of chaos has ever been more diabolical than the demo button. There's certainly a Hell where the damned is a stocker for aisled upon aisles of toys with demo buttons and hyperactive children who press them all as they go by.

Swarm Leader Yrtuq is certain of this as a small child presses a button on a brightly coloured

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Challenge #02126-E297: Uncommon Ground

"You're 'Clancy of the' where was it again?"

"The Overflow."

"You're a laundryman?" -- Anon Guest

Human Daz spared a dubious glance towards Rilthi Baz and wondered, not for the first time, if she was being very gently wound up. "Uhm," she said. "What?"

Clancy just sighed. "Yeah... an 'overflow' is an area where the flood waters tend to overflow. When the river floods, that's where the excess water goes. Good for grasslands and grazing."

"Also rice," added Human Daz. "I'm guessing

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Challenge #02125-E296: Inside, Outside

two cats discovering their owner has a secure cat enclosure instead of letting them roam free -- Anon Guest

It was a good life. Thingone and Thingtwo agreed. Plenty of warm spaces. Lots of nice food. Halls to have a good rumpus up and down. Furniture, especially, to scramble up, down, into, out of, and under. The only thing missing was the world outside the windows. No matter how they howled and yowled to be allowed to play with the birds, their

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Challenge #02124-E295: Hello Darkness

I did this. I don't remember doing it, but it cannot be otherwise.

I have committed sins in my life before. I even killed a man once who didn't deserve it.

But this is different. I am changed.

These murders were not my choice. A Beast lives inside of me.

I will be hunted and shunned. I need to hide. Run. Bury the bodies.

I start to walk outside when I realize what truly bothers me...

...I feel no guilt. -- Anon

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