Realm of the InterNutter

Thoughts, stories and ideas.

Challenge #01269-C174: One Heart-Pounding Speech Somewhere in the Southern States

**If you do have to put up with someone waffling on try knitting where they can see you. The "Click" drives them nuts. Pick a person who deserves this, have fun. -- Anon Guest

[AN - any resemblance between the characters in today's story and real political people are purely co-incidental. Stop looking at me like that]

Don Alkrump loved to play to the front row. Veterans and patriots, all of them. They knew what this country needed and it was him.

"I say we're gonna build that wall," he said. "We're going to build it with American know-how, American technology, and good, old-fashioned American grit. We know that the filthy foreigners are to blame for all the diseases and the alphabet soups going around."

In the front row, a little old lady dug something out of her bag. Knitting needles and a big ball of yarn.

"We never had ADHD, ODD, ASD, or LGBT in the good old days. The only letters we ever needed were USA!"

The little old lady was casting on, seemingly oblivious to the chanting all around her. She wasn't smiling, she wasn't even nodding. She seemed to be indifferent to the patriotic words he had to say.

"We get rid of all these unclean invaders, send 'em back home. We cut up their green cards and we don't issue none no more!"

Click, click, click went the needles.

"We send home, uh," he checked his notes, "anchor... babies... We send home... all the ay-rabs."

Click, click, click, click... she was counting to herself.

"...and ship the... thugs... back... to Africa..."

The rest of the front row had gone silent. A couple of people on either side of the little old lady had gained fascination with her project.

Sir? said a voice in his ear. Don cleared his throat and attempted to resume his speech. "And -uh- round up... all them -er- sexual deviants... that are -um- spreading... AIDS... and... put them in..." shit, he'd lost his place in his prompt cards. "Hang on..." shuffle shuffle, "Camps. Yeah. Camps. Where they... either learn to be -um- normal? Or -uh- pay... the price?"

No cheering. The crowd looked confused. Most of the veterans looked... judgmental.

"As for... the -uh- alphabet..."

Click, click, click, clicketty click. The little old lady nodded as if to say, You go on, don't mind me.

"...soups... Um. We turn... the jails... into assylums. Andum... stop... them breeding... weakness... into strong... American blood."

A cold wind blew. There was no cheering. No chanting. No rising of the blood amongst the crowds. He'd lost them. He knew he'd lost them.

And a little old lady with her knitting had done it. Don got some of his men to bring her up on stage. At least that stopped her knitting a little. She held it in her hands like a security blanket.

"Hello, darling," he said. "What worries you about the state of America?"

"Sorry, I haven't got my hearing aids turned on," she said. "I always have them turned off when you're talking, it's a habit."

And the entire stadium heard her. They laughed.

So he laughed too. "I'm not worried," he said. A blatant lie. This tiny grandmother could ruin his entire political run. He waited until she was done with her hearing aids. "So what does worry you about the state of the Union, ma'am?"

"That people like you will be allowed to run rampant with your fascist policies." She pulled up a sleeve and showed the cameras an old, tattooed number. "I survived a despot like you once, and I'll do it again. Just because I'm in your electorate doesn't mean I have to vote for you. Down with Dictators! Freedom Lives!"

The crowd took up her words as Security dragged her away.

Don backed slowly away from the podium. Men who, in their eighties, could still kick his ass so hard that his grandchildren would bear the imprint... all suddenly remembered what they had been fighting for.

Any others who still followed his policies were judging him hard on how he and his men treated a little old granny lady with her knitting.

It was the beginning of the end.

(Muse food remaining: 19. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Things I have to figure out

Since it is a bit of a haul to my friend's place in Tullagawoopwoop, and there is a little bit of a dire situation with some supplies...

I really need to figure out how to mail someone a meat tray.

My first thoughts are: Freeze it solid, wrap in foil, place in cold bag, and overnight that sucker to my friend. If they and I work out a really good system, the empty cold bags would also come back by much slower

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Challenge #01268-C173: Don't Make Her Angry

Sara Louise Adrian gate-crashes group of wanna-be Queen Bees. Chaos ensues. Sara can be any age.-- KnitNan

Dangerous things happened when Sara got bored. At the moment, according to her mother, she was 'between schools' and 'trying to find her place in life'.

She could hear them from the top of the stairs. All that ego and no real audience. The younger voices thought that they were the absolute best that humanity had to offer. And her mother was agreeing with

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Urgh Blurgh

Turns out my friend did put the cheesecake away. But the rest of it...

No rational explanation.

The pie plate was plastic. It could not have made an aluminium pie plate noise, no matter how hard it tried.

And the shadow of someone or something that wasn't there... it still creeps me out. Not in a bad way, of course. More like, "Whoah, that was weird."

And -hey- this is one of the few things I can't exactly explain, and everyone needs

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Challenge #01267-C172: Nothing to See Here

Your challenge today is to write your entire oneshot without using the word "the" -- Gallifreya

[AN: and one of my favourite words, too]

They never came to Barabindaru, a tiny little town that used to have its glory days in years of steam, when coal and water were vital to moving. They did not settle in Farmer Tarlee's paddock and wander around for up to half an hour before Kid Tarlee paddled over to have a chat.

There was some extended

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There's something happening here

What is is, ain't exactly clear...

Those are the first words in Buffalo Springfield's For What it's Worth, and now that I have that song in my head, I think they apply.

Couple of "funny" occurrences that I can't chalk up to reality happened in the night. The first was at 3:30 AM, my usual time for waking up in the Wee Small.

There was a noise like an aluminium pie plate wobbling about. First thought: Oh, the cat found the

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Challenge #01266-C171: He's Just a Softie, Really

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/145552354602/iamacutetiger-cosmictuesdays-pilgrimkitty

Captain Steve and his horgler -- Anon Guest

Humans will pet anything. It is a fact as true as their renowned insanity. They get reward through tactile contact and it is part of their pack-bonding process. Almost nothing, short of losing their arm on contact, will stop them.

The only thing that has stopped them in the past is knowledge of the frailty of the thing they wish to touch.

Humans stopped by planetary station

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Awake, yet still tired.

Gotta love sleep issues. And by "love", I mean "strangle slowly to death and then cut their throat after poisoning them, before cutting them into tiny pieces and setting them on fire."

I was on a long-ass road trip. I am still bloody tired after getting a good night's sleep. After the third time of waking up without any good reason, I checked the time and... 5:30 AM.

I didn't need Rabbit wishing everyone an annoying Good Morning to wake up.

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Challenge #01265-C170: Old Friends

When you were much younger there was a book, a show, a series that was Magic! You loved it, it lit up your life. Years later you find it again and the magic has gone and it's bland. But if you're lucky, you find it again. Sit down and re-visit and the Magic is still there. -- Knitnan

"I found it! It wasn't a dream!"

Uh oh... Mel sighed. "Let me guess. This is the thing you used to love once upon

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Here I go, here I go, here I go...

Today's the day. I'm doing it. I'm about to embark on the longest drive that I have EVER been a pilot of. And I have to do it again on the way back.

I have caffeine. I have nibblies. I have hydrogen dioxide ;) I have most of my stuff lined up and ready to go. I have comfy clothes and my bag is packed.

I just gotta have breakfast and make sure I pack the sandwiches.

Shaturday Specials will not be uploading

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Challenge #01264-C169: Magic, and Dragons, and Watchmen -- Oh My!

Prompt:

The Doctor gets blipped to Ankh-Morpork. You must include all three of the title refs in the story. -- Anon Guest

Sam Vimes didn't trust the things that people normally thought of as trustworthy. He knew damn well that Von Lipwig, up at the Post Office, was a liar and a thief. But he had an honest face and a ready smile and a firm handshake... because that was what people trusted.

And then there was this fellow. He dressed like

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Preparation^3

Today's the day I get my dodgy transmission unbuggered. Today is also the last day to get the supplies I need for the journey. Ez-snacks and energy drinks and a firkin tube thing that's somewhere between a scarf and a wimple because that's exactly what I need for the winter.

And if anyone has one - a kigurumi with teeth on the hood. Because I'm that kind of nerd.

I won't have my car for a majority of today.

So the PLN

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Challenge #01263-C168: Bodyguard

http://iztarshi.tumblr.com/post/145107805571

On the flipside, when the space orcs want you safe, you are very safe -- Anon Guest

There were times when Talil could swear that humans were made of determination and venom.

They were not, strictly speaking, toxic. Not completely. But their skin was host to ecologies of bacteria that made their lives possible, and had been weaponised against Havenworlders. Their guts were hosts to bacteria that were toxic even to them. Their bites could fester

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Preparations^2

Today's the day my little darlings head off to Nanna's for a little more than a week. I'll do up Chaos' hair one more time and re-pack the essential hairdressing kit of tangle comb, divider comb, topsy-tailer and carnivorous hair clip. I'm willing to bet money that miss Chaos will come home in a ponytail and the majority of the hair gear untouched.

Except I won't have money because I'm spending it all in going to Tullagawoopwoop. Lol.

I've packed up all

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Challenge #01262-C167: Going With the Flow

"Such unfortunate words you use for the Old Magics... 'beyond your control'. Why do humans seek to control everything? It seems to me that unless humans are able to give something purpose, use or station, it has no value to you. It is troubling in a way."

"You find humanity wicked, do you?"

"No. I find humanity to be very young, and as any youngling, they are both brave and foolish, fearless yet unknowing. Which is why when I hear you say

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