InterNutter

Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Burpengary East http://www.cmweller.com 12544 posts

Challenge #01092-B360: Registering as Immortal

This one from "Going Postal" by Sir Terry Prachett. "were to be regretted"*

*Another bastard phrase that lends itself to any weasel in a tight corner. -- KnitNan

Certain phrases, when used in Administrivia and the unhallowed halls of bureaucracy, are heralds of impending doom. Some... are what the plebes are wont to call 'arse covers'.

It resulted in actions or decisions that, while correct, "were to be regretted". Employees more interested in keeping their job than helping people. A system derived from precedent and tradition and policy.

Byzantine, labyrinthine, and seemingly designed to drive mere mortals mad.

Eritwhistle the Everlasting had spent the better part of half a century in here. Learning about the ever-growing infestation of bureaucracy that had strangled any and all avenues for progress in this realm.

"Unfortunately," said the clerk, "one of your processed papers forty years ago has been missing a stamp. Policy does not permit any further action until the error is corrected by the original staff member."

Who had been rather elderly at the time, Eritwhistle recalled. "And if that staff member is retired or deceased?"

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle... The clerk slowly paged through a massive tome of by-laws and policies in the manner of all staff members who are five minutes away from knock-off time. Unfortunately for them, they got to their result before shift change.

"Then you must commence to re-apply. Sadly, there is no avenue for renumeration in regards to time wasted."

"That's fine," Eritwhistle singsonged as he collected his papers. "I can subsist of the condensation on your artificial Ficus plants." Only under his breath, as the window closed behind him, did he add, "You're not going to wait me out."

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Stupid diet tip that gets results [at least for me]

Beloved gave me a diet tip the other day: Drink two glasses of water before eating any meal.

I immediately thought: This is bullshit. I'm going to try it and prove that it's bullshit.

There's no way that two glasses of water [roughly half a litre if you're going with a 250ml glass] would do anything beneficial towards losing weight whilst upkeeping health. I know for a fact that many diet plans (coughcoughatkinscoughcough) are focussed exclusively on losing weight rather than maintaining

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Iris and Peter Get Married (Eventually) [pt 31]

Chapter Thirty-one.
(Frustrations arise, Bold new talent, Affection returned, and Requited passions)

The following days were full of near misses. Embraces almost taken. Kisses almost given. Confessions almost said. And always, always some interruption or another.

Like the unexpected news that the Admiral had finally been cleared to hobble about on crutches. Or poor Penelope having a nervous episode in one of the stairwells. Or Mrs Cambridge falling down from a fever. Or another one of the highly predatory ladies confidently coming

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Challenge #01091-B359: Here There Be Dragon Nesting Grounds

About learning a new way of breathing fire from her partner, that involves... well... nuclear fusion:

She's kept it a secret, yes. Long flights over the ocean... enormous detonations... a romantic evening for two dragons. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Sounds more like nuclear fission, but whatevs]

The tiny island had been turned to glass where it hadn't been turned to soot. And even the soot had burned off. And the heat from within spoke of lava, but Relikor could not sense any other

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I'M GOING TO TUCSON!!!

:@ YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH! :@

Be best beloved darling dearest spouse had some frequent flyer points that were about to expire and decided to cash them in on a round trip to the States so I can go to the Wild Wild West Con in Tucson, Arizona, and see [IMO] the BEST BAND IN THE WORLD.

I honestly thought I'd have to wait a decade before I saw them in person. Minimum of five years, assuming they got as insanely popular as they deserve and actually

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Iris and Peter Get Married (Eventually) [pt 30]

Chapter Thirty.
(Love blooms under a bushel, Visions both pleasant and dire, A quick study, and The automaton school)

Peter had to wonder if hot flushes were an effect of the blue matter or if they were simply an effect of Miss Iris. She had a unique knack of making him unsure of his footing, yet completely at ease with such a situation.

And he did admire brilliant women. That had not changed. Was he entranced with her like he had been

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Challenge #01090-B358: The Third Strike

My God, it's full of nerds... -- Gallifreya

[AN: I love it when my fans use one of my turns of phrase against me. FYI this is a quote from Touch Feast aka Story #01066]

He told himself he was doing this to get into her world. He certainly hoped it would help him gain access to her pants. Her immunity to his negging and other pickup tactics meant that she was a bigger obstacle to overcome. She had to be worth

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That wasn't too horrible...

Shoes, socks and jocks for my little darlings managed to slide barely underneath $200, this time. Which means I have roughly $200 to focus on nommables for their lunchboxes, dinners for us, and the inevitable restocking of tissues.

And thanks to the brand new freezer, we have a lot of space for all kinds of nommables. Which means we might just have a chance of getting that dead sheep that we've been gassing about since firkin NOVEMBER.

I still have to re-stock

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Iris and Peter Get Married (Eventually) [pt 29]

Chapter Twenty-nine.
(A need for calm, A walk in the garden, Lights and bushels, and A kiss returned)

He still paced, and oscillated, but at least he was less frenetic about it. Both his alliterative babbling and the word 'dummins' had ceased escaping his lips.

"Oh, Colonel," she sighed. "It's all right, now. She's gone. You're safe."

"That... That was... That was..." He fumbled. He finally allowed himself to rest. Slumping in his chair. "That was completely unhygienic." A shuddering breath. "She

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Challenge #01089-B357: Sympathy for the Demons

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/135904233152/bluandorange-selkiecomrade-selkiecomrade

There was a large amount added to the Satan Claus post. -- Anon Guest

Demons across the multitudinous arenas of hell flinched. Their master was angry. Their master was calling.

"BELPHAGOOOOORRRRRRR!"

And that one demon was in deep, deep trouble.

The demon could not disobey the call of his master. He ran to the Great Office with his black heart pounding and his forked tongue knotted in fear. "I have come, master."

The Lord of

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Payday at last!

THIS time it's actually payday. We will have moneys with which to buy stuff.

And it will all be going on shoes, socks and jocks. Huzzah.

Well. Some of it will be going on essentials to put in our NEW FRIDGE (yay) that is costing us $25/week in payment installments (boo).

I swear, if I start making regular money from my writing [You know, besides the roughly $2.20 I make from my sales of The Amity Incident] I would pretty

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Iris and Peter Get Married (Eventually) [pt 28]

Chapter Twenty-eight.
(A solid campaign, A need for attention, A fix for a leak, and A very bad encounter)

Monday.

Colonel Walter was studying a fresh set of books in the scientific library. Taking fascinated notes. Iris set a table in his bedroom and all but dragged him there. Gentle touches to his bicep, chest, and shoulders were only possible once he was seated. Once she had him seated at some delicious food, she added gentle brushes of her hands against his

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Challenge #01088-B356: Catch of the Day

http://deathcomes4u.tumblr.com/post/135909651673/mythsofthesea-faerytale-wings-merman-and -- Anon Guest

[AN: Epileptics, beware of the gif background]

The water was her second home. People who knew Nel said that they were waiting for her to grow gills. The people of Nothéré Island knew her so well that she once attended a job interview in a bikini and flipflops. Nel knew everywhere on Nothéré in relation to the closest or the most convenient swimming location.

And it was one summer afternoon after a

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Stuff and Nonse

Urgledy burgledy things are going gonzo. I neglected to mention that our fridge is actually deceased. It wasn't the seals. We need a new fridge.

And to pay for it, Beloved is using an installment plan of $50 per fortnight for eighteen months.

Mayhem really wants to spend some free fritter money on art supplies, and I know just the dollar shop to get the most value out of his cash.

BUT we have to wait for the fridge, which is arriving

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Challenge #01087-B355: One Inconvenient Mid-morning in a Haunted House

"I sense a powerful presence in this house, a spirit of the restless dead, chained to this world..."

psychic opens eyes, sees 8 foot skeleton standing in the doorway, wearing an apron and holding a bowl of cake batter -- Anon Guest

There was a moment of perfect silence. The skeleton kept stirring the batter, but slowly. He had a pink apron on that featured a lacy edge and a large, pink heart on the chest.

"Er," said the psychic.

"You weren't

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