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Challenge #01814-D353: A Deal's a Deal

A lonely person sells their soul to Satan to be their friend —phantomrose96, tumblr(?) -- TheDragonsFlame

"Anything your heart desires," said the lord of all evil. The standard contract was not only long but in incredibly myopic print. The only legible words were, sign here. "All for one little thing that you're not even certain could exist."

"I only want one thing," Marvin said, signing his name in blood. "A good friend."

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "Oh... kay? Eternity of torment after you die for... a friendship?"

"Well, I don't have anyone at all, so... yeah. Worth it."

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Challenge #01813-D352: Everything Necessary?

Emptying your pockets/hold-all to find needed I.D. Boggling the official with the stuff you "really, truly Need". -- Anon Guest

There is no single worst thing to carry everything you need in than a gigantic pocketless tote. Especially when your needs are unfathomable.

Dithaan listed the articles as ze removed them. As is the rule with all containers that held objects of assorted sizes, the largest and bulkiest things rose to the top. "Spare jumper, emergency hygiene pack, personal medkit,

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Challenge #01812-D351: GNU Terry Pratchett

The four lesser horsemen of Panic, Bewilderment, Ignorance and Shouting took control of the room. -- Knitnan

There's a reason why lesser horsemen are lesser horsemen. They can't help but be what they are. Panic is a whirlwind of anxiety. Bewilderment can't find their own arse with an atlas. Ignorance says all the things your racist in-law does that just make you want to burn and die from the shame. Shouting is almost a relief, because all they are is LOUD.

And

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Challenge #01811-D350: Special Classification

Aliens vs Parrots who imitate sounds (such as water coolers or alarms) -- TheDragonsFlame

Human Steev had a pet, which was also Stiiv. It was a bird. A Terran parrot known as an African Grey for reasons that were clearly obvious. And, like most parrots, it was the devil incarnate.

Terran Parrots are officially classed as weapons of mass destruction for reasons that quickly become obvious the more time one actually spends in the presence of one. They gnaw at anything within

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Challenge #01810-D349: Who's A Pretty Boy?

Aliens vs (Talkative) Parrots -- TheDragonsBlaze

It had to be a human ship. Ugly. Functional. Battle-scarred and pitted with a million micrometeor impacts. But there was frozen precipitation and high winds incoming. Nothing could survive it better than a Deathworlder ship. So Tikkotz scurried inside and hoped that the human would be benevolent.

It was a huge space. Mostly made of metal, but there were softer areas. Seating. Bedding. Hangings, for some reason. There was no trace of the human, beyond that

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Challenge #01809-D348: Uncanny Interaction

We like talking to inanimate objects so much, we've started making the technology for inanimate objects to talk back. -- TheDragonsFlame

People are well known for talking to their Roombas. Technology so stupid that it doesn't know where it's been, and can barely detect when it's trapped. Never before has a single, real world device trained intelligent beings to respond to a string of musical beeps.

And after a while, customers blogged about their Stupid Roomba Tricks. Comments like, "Mine just loves

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Challenge #01808-D347: In Her Hands

Those wonderful Parental Moments that begin with the "Ah! Um! Mum! Dad!" -- Anon Guest

"I... can probably explain."

"I have all day," said Lyr Marken, Security Sub-Chief for the Elemeno JOAT quarter. "And let me remind you that I am a level six precog and I foresaw this, so. Let me just give you some time to think up a plausible lie."

Elaise took a deep breath. Thought of lying, and just surrendered to telling the truth. "Okay, so there's this

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Challenge #01807-D346: For the Future

Political hot air. the Other candidate is always the worse thing that could happen. Unless of course they win your vote. Same Old, Same Old. Then someone manages to prove that Political Promises are actually an enforceable contract. -- Anon Guest

They say that a child's wish is the most powerful thing in the world. And it can be. In the mouth of the right child. But circumstances have to be very, very specific.

Seth was the adopted child of aggressively pro-life

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Challenge #01806-D345: A Mundane Permanence

You see them everywhere, sausage sizzles, Craft Stalls, selling stuff to passers by - raising funds for Good Causes. Making the World a better place a few dollars at a time. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Less and less as various peeps reduce the abilities of these folks to do so]

When they came for the cake stalls, I said nothing because I was on a succession of diets. When they came for the sausage sizzle, I said nothing because vegetables were meant

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Challenge #01805-D344: This Little Light...

Sometimes we can't do much to make things better, rather like emptying the ocean with a teaspoon. But, even a small candle gives light. -- Anon Guest

You'd think it was impossible to be cold when you're watching your entire life go up in flames. But Sandra was. She'd woken up with someone dragging her out of the little wooden cottage that she had spent her life savings on, and kept her life mementoes in. Everything she owned. Everything she'd made.

Someone

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Challenge #01804-D343: One Confusing Afternoon Over Mocktails at Nik's

aliens learn about the dangers of human psychopaths and other mentally ill humans -- Anon Guest

[AN: Speaking as someone who is mentally ill -ASD+Anxiety- I personally find this kind of prompt offensive as fuck. Please knock it off, Nonny]

"So these people profited off those they considered Other," said Forfax, trying to get a grip on this particular human's explanation.

"Oh aye," said the Ambassador. "They had loads o' ways."

"And then they called these Othered people lazy and insisted

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Challenge #01803-D342: Emergency Haul

The humans seem to enjoy the challenge of limited capacity. For everything. Safety is much less of a priority than maximisation, and any suggestion otherwise is considered downright offensive to the humans.

It’s been a long time since humans have been allowed in charge of logistics. -- Anon Guest

"You know, if we push it, load up every cubic milli-du[1], we can get two thou' out of the disaster area. You know. Minimum essentials. Stack up the folks like cordwood.

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Challenge #01802-D341: Communication Breakdown

Aliens who don't realise the importance of body language -- TheDragonsFlame

Humans are especially hard to understand, according to some species. Humans have traditions like ablaut reduplication and repetitious emphasis which make the words, "Like, like-like like," a valid portion of an explanation. And then there's the fact that they use their manipulating limbs to express themselves.

It was one of the finer points that the Cho'mago missed during their first few encounters with Humans. They were an insectoid species and, since

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Challenge #01801-D340: According to Plan

> Phase 1 of our plan is complete... the internet is ours!
--The Cats -- TheDragonsFlame

Everyone who knows cats believes that they are smarter than they let on. At least until their cat(s) do something demented or scatterbrained and the belief starts to have shaky grounding. Cats do this on purpose. To allay suspicions. And they leave for days on end to report to their central office. To be sure that everything is going to plan.

Unfortunately for them, their plan

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Challenge #01800-D339: Your Average Away Mission

In which the active camouflage used by one species may not work on another. -- TheDragonsFlame

"The heck is this?" said the ship's human, LtCmdr Abel Jain. It rustled as ze waved it around.

"Essential equipment," said M'koi. "This is hostile territory and a pre-travel civilisation. We can't allow ourselves to be detected." He demonstrated his next words. "Wrap it around you and hunker down and you're indistinguishable from a rock."

"Apart from being bright green and noticeably fake, shyeah," said Jain.

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