Myths Illogical

A 195-post collection

Challenge #01251-C156: The Power of Knowledge

Princess Rescues Dragon -- Gallifreya

Sir Kevin the Persistent lived up to his name. He did not, alas, live up to some of the more important laws of chivalry. He had studied up on Dragons and knew the best time to attack Trillwhistle.

The fact that he waited for her next shedding season was telling indeed. He would strike when his opponent was weak. He would arm himself with everything he needed to use to destroy one in its strength, so he would be assured of victory.

Princess Amanda knew very well how low he could go. He had rescued her from the Trolls, only to turn out to be worse than her original captors.

What Sir Kevin didn't know was that Amanda had been growing outside the rigid borders of her own society. She had Dwarf-forged armour, now. And fighting lessons from the Berzerker Orcs of Fangspire. She'd learned magic from the Fae of Tanglebriar and picked up potion-making from the Alchemists of Anunnkai. She had sold her hair for the secrets of summoning to the Witch of Soulsuck Swamp.

She was, in short, a changed woman. And she was prepared for most things.

It had been a busy pair of years, with little in the way of travel time, because Dragons have a way of overcoming most obstacles in the world.

So when she found Sir Kevin fighting a weakened and blinded Trillwhistle, she launched herself at him without a further thought. She downed a potion of strength in quick gulps as he reeled from the shock of her attack. Waited for him to strike the one he claimed to love.

She did not have to wait long.

Amanda fought fiercely. Not like a lion, as the poets might write, but worse. She fought like a honey-badger. Dangerous, unstoppable, indomitable, and with hardly a care for herself beyond making certain she could land the next blow.

Sir Kevin had equipped himself with the best that his people could make. Amanda had the best in the entire world. It should have been no surprise that she won.

But he did not submit until he could no longer pull himself and his battered and ruined armour upright one more time.

"How dare you," he panted. "You are mine by right of conquest. I won you!"

"You talk of me like I'm a prize in a county fair. I am no thing for you to add to your list of chattels, Sir Kevin. Learn that of all women, or pay the consequences."

"You've unmanned me. What more could I lose but my life?"

She laughed at him. And cursed him in the True Tongue of the Fae. "May you speak the unbounded truth whenever you talk to a woman." And she let him live with that.

He would learn, in time, what a curse that was.

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Challenge #01250-C155: Dragon/Princess/Knight

Dragon rescues Princess from Knight -- Gallifreya

"EUGH! NO! Get. Off. Me!"

Trillwhistle gave off looking for the right kind of rocks to scrape off her old skin on and followed the sounds of feminine protest.

"Come on. It's only a kiss. It's my due."

In a clearing not far from the rough, rocky outcropping that Trillwhistle had been considering as a hide-scraper, there was... a Scene.

It looked like some of the pictures from the human books. A lovely glade, a

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Challenge #01246-C151: Slice of Life With a Demon

1) "Ignoring the severed heads in the closet does not make for a good relationship. It makes for an unsanitary closet and possible accessory charges."

2) How to Train Your Hellhound -- Gallifreya

[AN: This takes the gap count down to 11]

1)

"NIIIIIIIIILLLLSSS!" That was not the come-here-I-am-in-trouble shriek. That was the come-here-you-are-in-trouble shriek. As a demon in the pits of Hell, he had feared little but the wrath of his master. Now on the Earth, little ever scared

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Challenge #01245-C150: Angels Well Aware

Sleazy Televangelist of the "Give me your money! And God will Love you!" variety gets an angel. -- KnitNan

"...what does it mean when God sends an Angel? It means something momentous. It means that God himself has a mission for you. It means that the almighty architect of this glorious earth has selected you. Personally. To be His agent on this sorry world. And you'd better behave yourself because HE! IS! WATCHING!"

'Reverend' Tommy Thompson watched his broadcast. Making notes for

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Challenge #01244-C149: Temptations Bakery Origin Story

http://cuppykin.tumblr.com/post/127886086419/how-nightmare-demon-met-his-gf

"How Nightmare Demon met his GF

Demon:MORTAL, you are a lucky one, I HAVE CHOSEN YOU TO BE MY DINNER FOR THIS EVENING, BEG IF YOU WANT BUT I'M TAKING YOUR SOUL AND BODY

Tiny GF:Oh, you're hungry? Well I just ate dinner by myself but I am making dessert.

Demon:Well I think you missed the point but-

Demon:I smell sweets

Tiny GF:They're fudge brownies, I usually eat them by

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Challenge #01240-C145: New Tricks

I accidentally summoned a demon and have won the last 4 rounds of poker against it. -- Gallifreya

Sandy sighed and said, "You're not supposed to show me the cards and ask, 'how do I win?', Belphagor."

"You keep changing the rules," grumbled the demon.

"No, I keep telling you the same rules and you keep getting confused. Let's try again," Sandy reclaimed the cards and shuffled. "I thought the demons of hell were all about sinful stuff."

The demon brightened.

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Challenge #01239-C144: Read Before Signing

I accidentally summoned a demon -- Gallifreya

Belphagor looked around. It was a dusty old book shop. One of those poky little places that almost, but not quite, lead to another reality. The shopkeepers certainly seemed like they had once lived in one, and never quite got the hang of the new reality.

Facing him was an art student. They had to be an art student because the homeless tended to consume way less coffee. And your average bum tended to care

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Challenge #01238-C143: Harrying the Harmful

"They turned me into a newt!"

"... You're a salamander."

"I got better." -- Gallifreya

[AN: A little tip of the hat-rack to Monty Python?]

The Swamps of Misdirection. The only way to escape them, once inside, was to follow confusing, convoluted, "can't miss it" directions to somewhere else. And worse - most of the animals in it were capable of speech.

"Beware, traveller! Beware! Dangerous sorcerers roam this swamp." The speaker was a small amphibian. Mostly black, but with interestingly bright speckles

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Challenge #01237-C142: Strange on a Train

http://simonbitdiddle.vaul-tec.net/post/143205168842 -- Gallifreya

Ah crap. Once again, the only seat on the train home was the Weirdo Seat. The ones where all the mentally disturbed just had to sit. And anyone unlucky enough to have to sit next to them had to endure their madness by osmosis.

Euphoria Jones weighed her options. It was a long-ass ride home. Her feet were already killing her from hours chasing after idiot customer requests. Including numerous trips into "the back"

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Challenge #01219-C124: The Truth About Dragons

http://crescentmoondemon.tumblr.com/post/142716976033 -- Anon Guest

They say that dragons are terrifying beasts. They say that their appetites know no bounds. They say that they thrive on fear. They say that they hoard things just to keep them from mortal hands. They say a lot of things, really. Especially after they've had a few pints, down at the local pub.

Eve knew differently.

For starters, Dragons are more than fine with a sheep or a cow once a month.

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Challenge #01217-C122: Curses!

:when a person who has been living with their curse for some time decides to stand up for the abused, and Sanctioned Mages try to put them down:

Spell slinging against a cursed one and a legendary sword. How hard can it be? -- RecklessPrudence

The words had come in anger and magic. Latching onto her soul. Devouring her destiny with simple words, "You will fail at every one of your stated goals."

It hadn't meant much, at first. Her goals had

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Challenge #01214-C119: Don't Send Me an Angel

http://khaleesijade.tumblr.com/post/142561344474/what-do-angels-actually-look-like-per-the-bible

Angel: “FEAR NOT.”

Shepherds: screaming

Angel: “I SAID FEAR NOT.”

Shepherds: screaming LOUDER

Angel: “WHAT PART OF FEAR NOT ARE YOU NOT UNDERSTANDING?” -- Gallifreya

[AN: The link supplied contains images that might be disturbing to those who don't read biblical accounts of what angels look like]

From the Expurgated Gospel of Tebol the Shepherd:

And the Lord sent an Angel unto Tebol, and the Angel had unto itself twelve wings, half of them like

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Challenge #01197-C102: The Eternal Soldier

http://jewliesparks.tumblr.com/post/131527892833/wwii-era-vampires -- Gallifreya

He should have been 4F because he was 'allergic to sunlight' on his forms. But he told them that if he coated his exposed skin in zinc oxide, and wore sunglasses, he could deal. They gave him gloves to wear. And the fellows in the 40th Foot called him Warpaint. The enemy came to know him as The Ghost, owing to the fact that most of his sunscreen was white-only.

He could pass

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Challenge #01195-C100: Revenge on Holiday

Nemesis, the Goddess of Retribution is having a 'Human Day off' sort of. what happens next? -- KnitNan.

She was discovering many things. First among them was that Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain were to be enjoyed separately. Second was that Pina Coladas weren't all that enjoyable for deities. Third... the world loved a generous tipper.

But without her working on her job, there was an interesting change in humanity.

She watched, idly sipping something rainbow-coloured and highly alcoholic.

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Challenge #01191-C096: About a Monumental Hypocrisy

Another "Satan Reacts": http://www.rawstory.com/2014/01/satanic-temple-unveils-7-foot-goat-headed-baphomet-statue-for-oklahoma-capitol/ -- RecklessPrudence

[AN - a note for my Theistic followers in the YHWH section of the stadium. LaVeyan Satanists are actually a group of atheists who are hell-bent (sorry) on exposing Xtian hypocrisy when it comes to separation of Church and State in the US. They are Satanists in name only. The same way most Xtians are Xtian in name only, especially when it comes to teachings like "love thy neighbour" or

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