Menu

Subscribe

Myths Illogical

A 195-post collection

Challenge #01347-C252: Could They Pick a Worse Team?

I am a ____ agent, I have a voice synthesiser in my throat. I can do any accent you can think of! Unfortunately I've lost the instructions at the moment... And my voice box is stuck on shop demonstration. -- Anon Guest

"Héllo, Madarm. I am hére to see your studént Camila Rodriguéz."

The school secretary looked at the badge, and the agent, and grew a very concerned look.

"Yés. I am a PINATA agént, I have a voice synthésisér in my throat. I can do any accént you can think of. Unfortunately I've lost the instructions at the momént... And my voice box is stuck on shop démonstration." Agent #99 rolled hir eyes in frustration. "It is a véry popular démo."

"You... don't... look real."

"That is bécause I am also an AI with a human soul. It's a long story. Our organisation needs Miss Rodriguéz."

One hand had drifted closer to the red button that would put the school on lockdown. "I've... never heard of PINATA... what are you going to do her?"

"Pérvading Invéstigations of National And Térréstrial Arcana, ma'am. We do not inténd harm to Miss Rodriguéz. Shé is in posséssion of an artifact of some concérn. Wé bélieve it may bé bondéd to hér, so wé inténd to éducate hér in its propér use. And wélcome hér into our ranks."

The subtle, drifting hand rested on the button. "Will you make her like you?"

"My disability is the résult of a freak accidént, I assure you. Wé inténd no harm to come to Miss Rodriguéz."

In retrospect, Agent #99 should not have repeated hirself. That sort of thing tended to unnerve the mortals. Ze sighed and left the school without any further argument, trudging all the way to a deliberately nondescript electronics repair van.

Ze opened the door and hopped inside. "I told you that this was the wrong place for mé to try going in solo."

"Well, it's still too bright for me to do a glamour," said the driver. Anyone looking directly at them would have nightmares for the rest of their life. Except, apparently, Agent #99.

"Wé will have to wait, régardléss. Théy nééd time to calm down."

The creature at the steering wheel sighed. "Worst. Assignment choice. Ever."

"Mm-hm," agreed Agent #99.

(Muse food remaining: 22. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01341-C246: Riders of the Apocollapse

The four Horsepersons of the Apocollapse(Not a typo), ride fourth and get in each other's way. -- Knitnan

[AN: It's officially 'apocollapse' now. It's a word that's long needed to happen]

"And now... we... um..." said Absentmindedness. "Wossname. Thing. It was on the tip of my tongue..."

"Ride?" suggested Mislaying.

"YEEHAW," Distraction gunned hir engine and raced off in the first direction that appealed to hir.

Two of the remaining three started their bikes.

"Shit," said Mislaying. "I lost my keys,

Read more »

Challenge #01340-C245: The Coming Apocollapse

Want to see more of your Minor Horsepersons of the Apocollapse (No that isn't a typo). Namely Absentmindedness, Clumsiness, Distraction, and Mislaying ride out. -- Anon Guest.

[AN: Had to flip some letters around to make a word make sense]

"I know I had it, I had it just five seconds ago..." murmured Mislaying

"HEY GUYS," yelled Distraction, "IT'S A BUTTERFLY AND IT'S REALLY COOL!"

"...whoops..." Something important shattered into a million pieces. Clumsiness blushed. "...um... fuck... shit... gotta get another one.

Read more »

Challenge #01329-C234: Not-Bear

I'm not saying it's bears, but it's bears. (Details) -- RecklessPrudence

"And in other news, Australian zoologists have managed to capture the fabled Yowie. Down by the little outback town of Canyapassabeermate[1], a local dingo trapper found more than he bargained for in one of his cage traps."

They cut to the live feed where the only person wearing corks on their hat was the American newscaster.

"G'day from down under," she cheered, blatantly ignoring the winces of contact embarrassment from

Read more »

Challenge #01328-C233: Pax Multilingual

Ghosts and the word 'boo'. Details here. -- RecklessPrudence

"What the hell did you say to that demon, Demon?"

"Shayde," said the demon. "And she was'nae a demon, she was Seeliegh. A Fae."

"You speak gibberish, demon," said Sir Ethil. "More so than usual. Everyone knows that fairies are small and have butterfly wings. That monster looked more like an insect trying to appear human."

Behind Sir Ethil, Tragyk the Mage snorted. He had a lot of trouble with pollen, every time

Read more »

Challenge #01306-C211: One Wrong Word

"In my defense, I didn't know calling the Prince a 'dummy' would be considered an act of treason." -- OohLookShiny

In a sense, her defense was a compliment. The artisans responsible for the Prince's artificial body had done such work that the simulacrum holding his soul to the mortal realm looked amazingly lifelike.

She hadn't known that he was a human soul residing in a constructed body. And they were so rare, so expensive, that they were a last resort against worse

Read more »

Challenge #01303-C208: Legendary Loser

The strongest man in the world attempts to find and swat a mosquito -- Gallifreya

[AN: I saw that GIF set, but I've yet to get my hands on a copy of One Punch Man alas alack]

Of the mighty deeds of Heracles, there is but one that is not re-told by the bards or poets.

Heracles, mighty son of Zeus, stronger than ten strong mortal men... lost just one battle. Mighty were his biceps, thick were his thews, but they were

Read more »

Challenge #01277-C182: One Survivor

How much Buffy Speak can you get in one story? -- Gallifreya

Kay so like, me and the scooby gang were in napville over our one-starbucks town. It should'a been like a major stress drain to take the van and head for otherwhere, you know?

We didn't plan. Just cram the van with munchies and drinkables and pick a street and split down 'till we got somewhere dollsome or otherwise chill, y'know? Have an adventure.

Wish that genie would book.

Not that

Read more »

Challenge #01274-C179: Stay for the Night

http://sinnamon-skull.tumblr.com/post/146342604376/tharook-thefingerfuckingfemalefury

Mundane not-goth modern vampire and her gf -- Gallifreya

Local vampire seeks roommate. Must be clean, non smoker, and be able to pay half the rent. No weirdoes.

Claire read the personal again and blinked to make certain that she hadn't read it wrong. Must be one of the weirder goths who drank blood or did the whole 'children of the night' routine. Claire didn't mind goths. It was almost obligatory because she was one.

Read more »

Challenge #01262-C167: Going With the Flow

"Such unfortunate words you use for the Old Magics... 'beyond your control'. Why do humans seek to control everything? It seems to me that unless humans are able to give something purpose, use or station, it has no value to you. It is troubling in a way."

"You find humanity wicked, do you?"

"No. I find humanity to be very young, and as any youngling, they are both brave and foolish, fearless yet unknowing. Which is why when I hear you say

Read more »

Challenge #01261-C166: Saving Mothman

http://scienceisadesiretoknow.tumblr.com/post/144675700926

"The woman soaked several lengths of rope in a solution of red wine and sugar. She strung the wine ropes from the trees in her garden and then, around midnight, she came to check on her unusual trap. Sure enough, Mothman was swinging gleefully from the wine ropes, drunk and squealing with joy." -- Anon Guest

Amberlaize Jones now owns and takes care of a colony of fifty 'mothmen', a former cryptid now known as the

Read more »

Challenge #01256-C161: Blood in the Boards

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OV3xp5ZXSYA

Opera vampire

He tries very hard to be a baritone but he's a a countertenor (or possibly a contralto) -- Gallifreya

[AN: This is the guy referred to on the internet as "Gay Opera Dracula"]

Some appetites can not be ignored. Some can be... restrained. I learned that when a Master of Voices turned my best friend into a Castrati. That was a very, very long time ago.

I was turned into something else, myself.

Read more »

Challenge #01254-C159: Sworn to Love

Princess Marries Dragon to Knight -- Gallifreya

"Why, beast? Why must you plague my every waking day with your invasions to my fair land."

The dragon rumbled and stopped what it was doing with boulders. It seemed to... sag. "I'm... a plague?"

"Of course you're a plague! You burn the lands, you foul the water, and you steal the cattle of the hardworking peasants."

"Um," said the Princess Carillion. "That would be the warlords neighbours? I haven't observed this dragon doing very

Read more »

Challenge #01253-C158: Happily Ever After

Princess marries Dragon and Knight -- Gallifreya

Another day, another quest. Trillwhistle and Amanda had both taken a liking to questing. They saw more of the world than they could have initially believed and the rewards were interesting. And educational.

Amanda stopped calling herself Princess Amanda and, thanks to an unkowing knighthood from a distant king, started going by Sir Dragonbourne. It helped that her armour covered her face and disguised her physique.

And it was safer to let everyone assume that

Read more »

Challenge #01252-C157: A Friend for the Princess

Princess is Dragon -- Gallifreya

The tallest tower of the castle is the largest. The widest. The roomiest. And it has the largest windows. The Princess is held there, they say. They say that there's a dragon. They say that the Princess is the most beautiful creature that ever lived.

Toe had heard all the rumours, of course. How suitors came to see her, and often ran away. How some came with blades to conquer the beast of the tower. They went

Read more »