Ko-fi donationsBuy Me a Coffee

Myths Illogical

A 190-post collection

Challenge #01306-C211: One Wrong Word

"In my defense, I didn't know calling the Prince a 'dummy' would be considered an act of treason." -- OohLookShiny

In a sense, her defense was a compliment. The artisans responsible for the Prince's artificial body had done such work that the simulacrum holding his soul to the mortal realm looked amazingly lifelike.

She hadn't known that he was a human soul residing in a constructed body. And they were so rare, so expensive, that they were a last resort against worse circumstances than the heir passing at a young age.

Prince Ceramique had almost passed on to the other realm on the day he was born. His mother had already gone when he was struggling to live. The nature of peace between his kingdom and its neighbours decreed that his father could never marry again.

And the next heir to the throne would have destroyed the kingdom as certainly as they were destroying themselves. So the king commissioned a magical simulacrum to hold the prince's soul.

Alice hadn't known that 'dummy' was a slur against such magical golems. She'd just meant to chide her friend for something silly that he'd said.

Words that were forgotten, now.

"That's it?" said Prince Ceramique. "You didn't mean it that way?"

Alice, kneeling and still in stocks, had shed all her tears days ago. "Yes, your highness. I can only beg your forgiveness and hope that you spare my family."

Family was the magic word. The king had encouraged their friendship, knowing that a simulacrum could not marry. And even though Prince Ceramique could inherit the crown, he would only be allowed to rule for fifty years before naming a successor. Legally, he could name anyone in the kingdom. And since they were fast running out of royal family...

A wise commoner may well be the kingdom's best bet. The King had taught his son well. Politics and intrigue and the Game of Power. And the knack of being a good monarch.

Prince Ceramique had spent many a happy day in Alice's house, enjoying the chaos of her family and her home. He could do what he liked, as he had all the power. But that power came from the willingness of the people to support his rule.

And, more to the point, Alice's fateful word had been preceded by the words, "Of course I like you."

"I still don't like that word. And... I overreacted. You have your freedom and your family has a boon from my house. Ask of me anything."

Alice waited seventy years to cash it in. By then, she had a granddaughter who had also learned the Game of Power. She was young, strong, and could think circles around people. She had never needed to fight since the day she learned to argue her case.

She would defend against the enemy with great aplomb.

And King Ceramique abdicated his crown to become a knight and advisor by her side. The last defense against those stupid enough to send assassins against the new Queen.

Magical simulacrums were, of course, ridiculously difficult to kill.

(Muse food remaining: 17. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01303-C208: Legendary Loser

The strongest man in the world attempts to find and swat a mosquito -- Gallifreya

[AN: I saw that GIF set, but I've yet to get my hands on a copy of One Punch Man alas alack]

Of the mighty deeds of Heracles, there is but one that is not re-told by the bards or poets.

Heracles, mighty son of Zeus, stronger than ten strong mortal men... lost just one battle. Mighty were his biceps, thick were his thews, but they were

Read more »

Challenge #01277-C182: One Survivor

How much Buffy Speak can you get in one story? -- Gallifreya

Kay so like, me and the scooby gang were in napville over our one-starbucks town. It should'a been like a major stress drain to take the van and head for otherwhere, you know?

We didn't plan. Just cram the van with munchies and drinkables and pick a street and split down 'till we got somewhere dollsome or otherwise chill, y'know? Have an adventure.

Wish that genie would book.

Not that

Read more »

Challenge #01274-C179: Stay for the Night

http://sinnamon-skull.tumblr.com/post/146342604376/tharook-thefingerfuckingfemalefury

Mundane not-goth modern vampire and her gf -- Gallifreya

Local vampire seeks roommate. Must be clean, non smoker, and be able to pay half the rent. No weirdoes.

Claire read the personal again and blinked to make certain that she hadn't read it wrong. Must be one of the weirder goths who drank blood or did the whole 'children of the night' routine. Claire didn't mind goths. It was almost obligatory because she was one.

Read more »

Challenge #01262-C167: Going With the Flow

"Such unfortunate words you use for the Old Magics... 'beyond your control'. Why do humans seek to control everything? It seems to me that unless humans are able to give something purpose, use or station, it has no value to you. It is troubling in a way."

"You find humanity wicked, do you?"

"No. I find humanity to be very young, and as any youngling, they are both brave and foolish, fearless yet unknowing. Which is why when I hear you say

Read more »

Challenge #01261-C166: Saving Mothman

http://scienceisadesiretoknow.tumblr.com/post/144675700926

"The woman soaked several lengths of rope in a solution of red wine and sugar. She strung the wine ropes from the trees in her garden and then, around midnight, she came to check on her unusual trap. Sure enough, Mothman was swinging gleefully from the wine ropes, drunk and squealing with joy." -- Anon Guest

Amberlaize Jones now owns and takes care of a colony of fifty 'mothmen', a former cryptid now known as the

Read more »

Challenge #01256-C161: Blood in the Boards

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OV3xp5ZXSYA

Opera vampire

He tries very hard to be a baritone but he's a a countertenor (or possibly a contralto) -- Gallifreya

[AN: This is the guy referred to on the internet as "Gay Opera Dracula"]

Some appetites can not be ignored. Some can be... restrained. I learned that when a Master of Voices turned my best friend into a Castrati. That was a very, very long time ago.

I was turned into something else, myself.

Read more »

Challenge #01254-C159: Sworn to Love

Princess Marries Dragon to Knight -- Gallifreya

"Why, beast? Why must you plague my every waking day with your invasions to my fair land."

The dragon rumbled and stopped what it was doing with boulders. It seemed to... sag. "I'm... a plague?"

"Of course you're a plague! You burn the lands, you foul the water, and you steal the cattle of the hardworking peasants."

"Um," said the Princess Carillion. "That would be the warlords neighbours? I haven't observed this dragon doing very

Read more »

Challenge #01253-C158: Happily Ever After

Princess marries Dragon and Knight -- Gallifreya

Another day, another quest. Trillwhistle and Amanda had both taken a liking to questing. They saw more of the world than they could have initially believed and the rewards were interesting. And educational.

Amanda stopped calling herself Princess Amanda and, thanks to an unkowing knighthood from a distant king, started going by Sir Dragonbourne. It helped that her armour covered her face and disguised her physique.

And it was safer to let everyone assume that

Read more »

Challenge #01252-C157: A Friend for the Princess

Princess is Dragon -- Gallifreya

The tallest tower of the castle is the largest. The widest. The roomiest. And it has the largest windows. The Princess is held there, they say. They say that there's a dragon. They say that the Princess is the most beautiful creature that ever lived.

Toe had heard all the rumours, of course. How suitors came to see her, and often ran away. How some came with blades to conquer the beast of the tower. They went

Read more »

Challenge #01251-C156: The Power of Knowledge

Princess Rescues Dragon -- Gallifreya

Sir Kevin the Persistent lived up to his name. He did not, alas, live up to some of the more important laws of chivalry. He had studied up on Dragons and knew the best time to attack Trillwhistle.

The fact that he waited for her next shedding season was telling indeed. He would strike when his opponent was weak. He would arm himself with everything he needed to use to destroy one in its strength, so he

Read more »

Challenge #01250-C155: Dragon/Princess/Knight

Dragon rescues Princess from Knight -- Gallifreya

"EUGH! NO! Get. Off. Me!"

Trillwhistle gave off looking for the right kind of rocks to scrape off her old skin on and followed the sounds of feminine protest.

"Come on. It's only a kiss. It's my due."

In a clearing not far from the rough, rocky outcropping that Trillwhistle had been considering as a hide-scraper, there was... a Scene.

It looked like some of the pictures from the human books. A lovely glade, a

Read more »

Challenge #01246-C151: Slice of Life With a Demon

1) "Ignoring the severed heads in the closet does not make for a good relationship. It makes for an unsanitary closet and possible accessory charges."

2) How to Train Your Hellhound -- Gallifreya

[AN: This takes the gap count down to 11]

1)

"NIIIIIIIIILLLLSSS!" That was not the come-here-I-am-in-trouble shriek. That was the come-here-you-are-in-trouble shriek. As a demon in the pits of Hell, he had feared little but the wrath of his master. Now on the Earth, little ever scared

Read more »

Challenge #01245-C150: Angels Well Aware

Sleazy Televangelist of the "Give me your money! And God will Love you!" variety gets an angel. -- KnitNan

"...what does it mean when God sends an Angel? It means something momentous. It means that God himself has a mission for you. It means that the almighty architect of this glorious earth has selected you. Personally. To be His agent on this sorry world. And you'd better behave yourself because HE! IS! WATCHING!"

'Reverend' Tommy Thompson watched his broadcast. Making notes for

Read more »

Challenge #01244-C149: Temptations Bakery Origin Story

http://cuppykin.tumblr.com/post/127886086419/how-nightmare-demon-met-his-gf

"How Nightmare Demon met his GF

Demon:MORTAL, you are a lucky one, I HAVE CHOSEN YOU TO BE MY DINNER FOR THIS EVENING, BEG IF YOU WANT BUT I'M TAKING YOUR SOUL AND BODY

Tiny GF:Oh, you're hungry? Well I just ate dinner by myself but I am making dessert.

Demon:Well I think you missed the point but-

Demon:I smell sweets

Tiny GF:They're fudge brownies, I usually eat them by

Read more »