Mundane Matters

A 4-post collection

Challenge #03929-J277: Typical Tabletop Talk

P: “Calcium is a metal right?”

DM: “Right…”

P: “Ergo it’s affected by heat metal”

DM: “go on…”

P: “I cast heat metal on his skeleton”

DM: “… f*<£ it I’ll allow it”

[several turns later]

“As the evil wizard succumbs to his wounds, with his final breath,

He summons a Rust Devil” -- Anon Guest

"Wait. What?"

"Rust. Devil. An infernal variant of the rust monster." The DM at the table, Yaz, grinned. She was radiating smugness. "They have some hefty fire and heat resistance."

Petra, the former clever clogs who heated the Big Bad's skeleton, glared across the table as the rest of the players laughed and jeered. "You piece of shit. I love it. Okay. A challenge." They immediately went into their paperwork, looking things up.

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Challenge #03922-J270: Sole Area of Genius

"How often do we have to go through this? I love you, you silly furball, but do NOT try sniff at my cactus! I don't HAVE any shelves higher and I'm tired of pulling thorns from your nose!" -- Anon Guest

Some cats, every cat person knows, reserve their brain cells for specific purposes. When it comes to that specific area of expertise, they're absolute little fluffy geniuses. For everything else... their brains may well be made of sawdust.

Case in point,

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Challenge #03824-J172: Bros Helping Bros

A: I wish someone would take me out

B: on a date or with a gun? -- Anon Guest

[AN: Offensensitivity warning for self-harm talk]

The silence between them was far too long as Milo thought about it. So long that Damian looked over to his friend in growing concern.

"Dude, that was meant to be a joke."

"I mean... possibly?" said Milo, still frowning in thought. "But also taking it seriously is making me realise I'm in a fuckin' terrible place.

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Challenge #03805-J153: Got 'Em!

Power goes out, kids are whining about having nothing to do. And whine even louder when the parental says, "Well, at least we have books." -- Anon Guest

Rennie took three deep breaths as Kody and Vince continued their howling. Of course, being forced to do reading was tantamount to homework and therefore the worst torture in the world.

"The other option is housework," said Rennie, immediately calming the boys down about their immediate future. "We can make it fun."

Kody and

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