Amalgam Universe

Challenge #01864-E040: Wake Up Sheeple!

The amount of energy needed to refute bulls* is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it.

—Alberto Brandolini -- TheDragonsFlame

Here's what nobody gets about insane conspiracy theories. There is little to no energy involved in thinking them up. One person's facetious, trolling comment is another's statement of fact. One person's screwy memory is another's proof that it's all been covered up. See, the Mandela Effect, or the Berenstein Parallel Universe Theory.

We shall not mention those nefarious souls who just make up bullshit for fun.

For all that there is Snopes, Wikipedia, and public records, people love a good conspiracy. People would rather believe, for instance, that aliens made the pyramids and other sundry third world architectural examples, rather than believe that non-whites are smart and just as capable as the white ones. Prejudice comes in many flavours, but all of them have a base of idiot.

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Challenge #01851-E027: As Long as it Works...

Aliens trying to convince a human crew to change it's ship

[Alien] "You use century old technologies ! The new system is way more efficient and everything is automatic. No need to repair it!"

[Human 1] "And when it broke ?"

[Alien] "It can't broke !"

[Human 2] "So when it broke we just have to pray to whatever god that either another ship will pick up our distress signal or the engine restart by itself before the oxygen reserve are depleted." -- Anon Guest

Challenge #01850-E026: Charlie, Charlie, Charlie...

"And the Darwin Award goes to..... Mr K. Sullivan from colony ZS-23 for trying to use homemade nitroglycerin instead of nitromethane. We will miss his car, an innocent Swordfish Liner." -- Anon Guest

Of all the assorted avatars of Human Insanity, the most boggling to alien minds is the Darwin Awards. A prize that can only be won posthumously, by removing oneself from the gene pool in such a way as to make it clear that this was ultimately a good thing

Challenge #01848-E024: Walk it Off...

Human broke his arm and is upset when he saw that he lose his watch.

Human stub his toe and is crying on the floor. -- Anon Guest

In the early days of their acceptance into the Greater Galactic Alliance, there was a code. HID. Human In Distress. The greater population had yet to understand humans and, to state a point of fact, still don't. Therefore, a human in any kind of physical or mental pain was a cause for viral concern

Challenge #01847-E023: The Only Sensible One

"We are a crew of 7 persons : 2 deathworlders, 4 havenworlders and a sentient AI. The havenworlders are the scientist and the AI is the medic. I'm the only human and the security officer. What is my problem ? Well, let me think about it... . The captain is an adrenaline junky who might send the ship in a high danger zone just for his rush, the doc is obsessed with humans, and the havenworlders are just... too curious without self-preservation instincts.... Two days

Challenge #01846-E022: Where's the Cheevs?

Pokémon Go... in space -- TheDragonsFlame

Trends come, trends go, and some are revived, zombie like, from a place where they should have stayed buried. You can make up your minds about which ones are which. For a patch of time in the 1930's, the name Judith became incredibly popular, and was rarely that popular again. For a spate in the 1980's, every girl child was named Kylie. And pretty much since the 1980's until the current era, there has been Pokémon.

Challenge #01845-E021: Art in All Forms

Alien walking past human's quarters hears a harsh, vaguely rhythmic sound.

Alien knocks on human's door, enters, and finds that it's audio sensory organs are assaulted by this noise, the noise is so loud it is almost painful for the Alien's ears.

Alien: "Human, what is this noise?"

Human: "This is my music, you don't like it?"

Alien: "I don't know, the volume is a bit high and it sounds rather harsh, what is this music called?"

Human: "Many humans don't like

Challenge #01842-E018: A Place to Fit

The adventures/escapades of a Numidid raised by/among humans -- TheDragonsFlame

[AN: This continues on from this thing ]

Family is more than the people that excreted you, so goes the galactic saying. Family can be a bunch of loner weirdoes and their adopted Numidid keet called Pip. Scavenger M. DeVries and his daughter, Pip, cut quite a figure in the news, and they did so for all of forty-eight hours.

Because that was when the Galactic Alliance rediscovered a colony world

Challenge #01841-E017: The Biological Solution

[End the story with this sentence] “Behold... the mighty predator.” -- TheDragonsFlame

First came the epithelials, and there was the Dust Problem. Amelioration worked, to a degree, but cleansing schedules soon became hell for multiple species. And someone discovered Fhitts and Squidges. Small, jellyfish-like animals that floated around via hydrogen gas bags. They either filter-fed as they drifted around on the air currents, or -in the case of the Fhitts- jetted about in active pursuit.

Then the Fhitts and the Squidges became

Challenge #01837-E013: The Helpful Cup

Hot sweetened tea and maybe a biscuit or sandwich will help to solve most problems. -- Anon Guest

In the grand scheme of things, Britanians never expect much out of the Tea Lady. Some sage advice, a rambling story about their youngest, and, of course, tea. If you knew how to play your cards right, you might get a Jammy Dodger or a Scotch Finger. That was the way it had always been. Until Ambassador Harry.

So far, she had helped the

Challenge #01836-E012: Debunked Beliefs

Non-human sentients are used to thinking of humans as impossibly durable daredevils of highly questionable sanity. However, historical human science fiction, pre-first contact, typically has humans depicting themselves as either ordinary everymen and everywomen in a world full of sentients who were stronger, smart, harder to kill, and/or had space magic at their disposal. Humans were surprised when their cynicism didn't play out. Aliens are shocked that humans could have ever considered themselves as such. -- Anon Guest

"And this one

Challenge #01831-E007: It's Not a Good Night...

Orange traffic cones which mysteriously appear after drunken parties, and other weird stuff the clean-up crew encounter. -- Knitnan

Of all the unexplainable phenomena in the known universe, the most unsolvable is that of humans and spontaneously-manifesting traffic cones. They only appear when everyone at the party is too inebriated to recall where they came from, and no means of recording said party have ever picked up where they come from. Even security cameras can't catch their appearance. Whenever the cameras are

Challenge #01830-E006: The Important Stuff

When two humans have animosity between them, their crew mates get very nervous. Just yesterday, Human Marty discovered Human Seth was attempting a mating ritual with their offspring... -- Anon Guest

[AN: One of the good things about my future is that Pedophilia is eradicated on all but a few, really skeevy colony worlds. And those ones have an underground railroad thing going on to make sure the perversion dies out. Also -dear Nonny- I do not appreciate the implication that gay

Challenge #01826-D365: In Abstract

aliens going through human archives find the most Avant Garde porn, like, EVER -- Anon Guest

[AN: Just so you know, this author has very little experience with porn. Smut, yes. Porn, no.]

The Trizdressi had no idea what they had found on that graveworld. Something had happened to the population, and little was left to determine the disaster but what appeared to be an enormous cache of records. The scouts were halfway right. They were recorded data. Just... not data that

Challenge #01825-D364: Seems Harmless Enough

NAME: Mr. Sunshine (yes he's not joking)

OCCUPATION: Terror squad/ Pax Humanis Enforcer

LIKES: Cats, Painting, Tearing off the faces of his enemies

DISLIKES: Rude folk

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: Average height, Average build, Could blend in anywhere there's Humans

UNIQUE TRAITS: Cold, empty eyes combined with an intense friendliness give him an extremely unnerving appearance, Dresses like Mr.Rogers, allergic to milk -- Anon Guest

"It's pronounced soon-sheen-eh," insisted the otherwise ordinary-seeming human who wore a sweater-vest in Security Purple, and a tie

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A 2297-post collection

Challenge #01864-E040: Wake Up Sheeple!

Challenge #01851-E027: As Long as it Works...

Challenge #01850-E026: Charlie, Charlie, Charlie...

Challenge #01848-E024: Walk it Off...

Challenge #01847-E023: The Only Sensible One

Challenge #01846-E022: Where's the Cheevs?

Challenge #01845-E021: Art in All Forms

Challenge #01842-E018: A Place to Fit

Challenge #01841-E017: The Biological Solution

Challenge #01837-E013: The Helpful Cup

Challenge #01836-E012: Debunked Beliefs

Challenge #01831-E007: It's Not a Good Night...

Challenge #01830-E006: The Important Stuff

Challenge #01826-D365: In Abstract

Challenge #01825-D364: Seems Harmless Enough