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Challenge #01105-C008: Smart Way to Die

"Never teleport your brain out of your own skull without a backup plan. No good will ever come of it." -- Anon Guest

The last thing he smelled was ozone. Then there was an alarming darkness. There was no pain, any more. The eyes came online, first, showing him a fine view of his own dead body. Right now, the skull cavity would be filling up with blood as his heart went through its last, spasmodic beats. And as his blood pressure evened out within the sealed vessel of his vacated skull.

Next, sound. The buzzing of his new, artificial body as servos warmed up. It was annoying, but his brain would learn to discount it. Right now, a multiplex of artificial means was kicking in to keep his brain alive. Chemically-made blood swooshed around an artificial heart, through a system that mimicked lungs, and added nutrients to keep his brain satisfied with the state of things.

He rolled forwards on all-terrain, full-motion wheels. Carefully disconnected his new body from its place in the array of machinery. Picked up the phone from where he'd left it on the desk and carefully dialled up his assistant.

"Monty," he said with his new voice. "The experiment was successful. I am free of my flesh prison. You may announce that mankind has begun its ascension towards technological immortality. I am become the first Transhuman being."

Monty... did not react well.

Instead of arriving to congratulate him, Monty called the police, who treated the body death as a murder. Then as a suicide.

And when he tried, so patiently, to tell them that he had transported his own brain into the machinery before them... they wanted to treat it as a murder again. They thought that the machine had killed him. Impossible. It wouldn't work without a human brain.

He tried to tell them as much. Tried to show them the things that would make it clear. But they did not understand. They thought he was a malfunctioning machine. He argued his case. Passed the Turing test again and again. Warred verbally with anyone who crossed his path.

Right up until they disarmed him like a bomb.

The machine that kept his brain alive shut down. And then he did, too.

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Challenge #01104-C007: Special Education

Person #1: Why don't I ever see you stopping by to talk to your niece?

Person #2: Her parent says I'm a bad influence. I still say C4 is an acceptable substitute for playdoh - the store was out! It's not like I gave her any detonators - it was perfectly safe! -- RecklessPrudence

Lots of kids had Best Relatives. And for Mary, her best relative was Aunty Phyllis. Aunty Phyllis had the catchphrase, "Some people just overreact about things." Usually in

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Challenge #01103-C006: That Which is Lost

They were at least the person's equal now, and with a three-nil record in killing them. If only they'd stop coming back, more insane each time, so they wouldn't have to do it again. They had admired them, once. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Oooooh, nice. First totally gender-neutral prompt EVER. Well done]

Before the fall...

Chara was the friend only Frisk could see. The year that Frisk stopped talking, Chara could hear their thoughts. Chara couldn't eat or drink, or make messes. They

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Challenge #01102-C005: Curse? What Curse?

http://bonehandledknife.tumblr.com/post/133846067890/wewerenotthefirst-dude-what-if-a-prince-is

Have fun! -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Adult content warning: the link inside that post leads you to an article about some very interesting toys]

Camilla had wanted to undo the curse straight away, of course. She had never meant to turn her fiancée into a dragon in the first place. She should have known something was dodgy about that newt's eye extract.

And yet... Frederik was taking his transformation so well. He loved to fly, and

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Challenge #01101-C004: Simon Says...

Getting involved romantically with someone who has psychic powers can be... tricky.

You never know when her saying "I love you" just might become "You love me". -- Anon Guest

[AN: Why is it always a 'her' in these scenarios? You should watch Jessica Jones, Anon.]

"Come on," he said. "You know you love me." And just like that, all the rising bile at the situation... vanished. It evaporated like smoke. And in its place was nothing but love.

"Of course I

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Challenge #01100-C003: One Almost Humorous Afternoon in a Discworld Pub

Scumble. from the Wonderful World of Sir Terry Prachett. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I suspect this is you, Knitnan]

"It's made from apples," said the grinning local.

"Mostly apples," amended the barman.

The visitor from another dimension picked it up. "I like apple juice," said the brass machine, and downed the thimble-full[1] in a trice. The steam-powered machine smacked its lips for a few seconds. "Kinda fizzy," he said. "Is it supposed to taste rotten?"

"Er," said one of the formerly-guffawing

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Challenge #01099-C002: Sample Curse

"Oh! It's easy to get Feegles out of a pub. You just have to know how." -- Knitnan

"And how, pray tell," said the beleaguered barman, "does one get Feegles out of a pub?"

Tiffany Aching cleared her throat and climbed up to stand on the bar. ""Some schemie at the standin' stones is lookin' fer a tussle!"

The barman joined her on her perch as the Feegles stampeded out of the bar and towards the standing stones. The very distant standing

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Challenge #01098-C001: The Company Kept

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/136636127295/mikkeneko-torn-by-dreams-thewintergrump -- Gallifreya

[AN: This story comes as a sequel to this one ]

He didn't get it. And nobody could understand his side of it either. Derek was not confused or mislead. He knew what his heart wanted, more than anything else in the world. And that was Allethar.

From their increasingly brief times together, he could tell that Allethar's parents had similarly antiquated attitudes. There was talk from both the human and the dragon families

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Challenge #01096-B364: Selat Yriaf

Let's get this show on the road, and chip away that gap if it bothers you! http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/136431436841/reverse-fairy-tales

Pick 2 -- Gallifreya

[As you can see, I am currently 28 days behind the actual turn of the year. 29 if you could the day off I have at Christmas. I'll take all the doubles anyone can give and let my smarter viewers do the math.]

A.

There had been a storm. His ship was tempest-tossed into smithereens

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Challenge #01095-B363: But What Does it Mean?

Another sentence for SPoE(n): “Because of the agency’s oversight, the corporation’s behavior was sanctioned.” And other words that exemplify the "superiority" and "purity" of English: http://mentalfloss.com/article/57032/25-words-are-their-own-opposites -- RecklessPrudence

They had given Shayde a piece of paper preserved under glass. In a special room with careful lighting. Between the half-words on either side, an innocuous sentence.

Because of the agency’s oversight, the corporation’s behavior was sanctioned.

It was news print. The other side

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Challenge #01094-B362: Slip of the Tongue

The first time someone else hears a monster refer to Asgore as "King Fluffybuns" In Asgore's presence -- Gallifreya

[AN: Whoops, I kinda did that yesterday as well. Perspective change should help]

The President held her breath rather than snort. Had that old turtle said what she thought he'd said? Judging by the growing blushes on the goat people, he had. The brace of ministers and royalty all had contagious shaking shoulders, bitten lips, and a selection of small snorting noises.

"Heheh,

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Challenge #01093-B361: One Little Slip

The first time someone else hears a monster refer to the king as "King Fluffybuns" -- Gallifreya

Gerson had said it before he realised he'd said it. There were humans present. Important, official humans. And they had all heard him say 'King Fluffybuns'.

And now some of them seemed to be choking on their laughter.

"Heheh," he managed. "Old Underground joke."

And it did not help that both the King and Queen Dreemurr were blushing.

The humans convulsed. Some snorted. A room

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Challenge #01092-B360: Registering as Immortal

This one from "Going Postal" by Sir Terry Prachett. "were to be regretted"*

*Another bastard phrase that lends itself to any weasel in a tight corner. -- KnitNan

Certain phrases, when used in Administrivia and the unhallowed halls of bureaucracy, are heralds of impending doom. Some... are what the plebes are wont to call 'arse covers'.

It resulted in actions or decisions that, while correct, "were to be regretted". Employees more interested in keeping their job than helping people. A system derived

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Challenge #01091-B359: Here There Be Dragon Nesting Grounds

About learning a new way of breathing fire from her partner, that involves... well... nuclear fusion:

She's kept it a secret, yes. Long flights over the ocean... enormous detonations... a romantic evening for two dragons. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Sounds more like nuclear fission, but whatevs]

The tiny island had been turned to glass where it hadn't been turned to soot. And even the soot had burned off. And the heat from within spoke of lava, but Relikor could not sense any other

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Challenge #01090-B358: The Third Strike

My God, it's full of nerds... -- Gallifreya

[AN: I love it when my fans use one of my turns of phrase against me. FYI this is a quote from Touch Feast aka Story #01066]

He told himself he was doing this to get into her world. He certainly hoped it would help him gain access to her pants. Her immunity to his negging and other pickup tactics meant that she was a bigger obstacle to overcome. She had to be worth

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