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Challenge #02154-E325: She's Still a Pup

[NAME] winced slightly. "It's a dog, Major. A companion animal."

"Looks like a class 3 bio engineered weapon to me!" -- Anon Guest

The creature was huge. Even sitting down, it was almost as tall as a human. It was almost as wide as a human. Only the wagging tail distinguished it from a Terran bear. That, and the lolling tongue, dripping saliva as the animal panted. The human by its side agitated some fur by a nub that could have been an ear. The animal made a grumbling noise that sounded content.

"It's not gengineered. This baby is naturally bred," said the Human.

Major glared at it. "From a gengineered creature?"

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Challenge #02153-E324: Canned Exodus

The Mom Mobile, either a titchy little car that is slightly larger than a phone booth or the massive Soccer Mom, haul anything including the whole team. -- Anon Guest

Men carry money. Women carry the world. -- Ancient Human Proverb.

Galactics can easily tell which gender secured the Human escape vessel. The tiny ones that barely fit the number of survivors and a minimal amount of survival supplies are generally procured by the males. The large and bulky ones with room

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Challenge #02153-E324: Legendary Salvation

"The group was brought back to Hamburg to stand trial, where they were sentenced to death by beheading. Resigned to his death, Stortebeker struck up a bizarre deal with the mayor. His pirates would be lined up in a row when he was decapitated. The mayor promised to free as many men as Stortebeker’s headless body could walk past.

This must have seemed like a raw deal for the pirates, who had doubtlessly witnessed the effects of multiple beheadings in their

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Challenge #02151-E322: Easily Entertained

Human: ha, dogs are so easily amused. I just watched this one Chase his tail for 15 minutes straight

Alien: You spent 15 minutes watching a dog chase its tail

Human: yeah, that's what I just said

Alien: and the dog is the one whose easily amused

Human: ...yes?

Alien: (sarcastically) okay, sure that makes sense -- OohLookShiny

The list of dangerous things in the known universe had once, paradoxically, contained entries on both "quiet humans" and "laughing humans". It has since

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Challenge #02149-E320: Don't Wanna Live Underground

"Graham, there's some very large lizards down here. We should leave."

"After I've gotten these mineral samples. Anyway, it's only a lizard, what's the problem?"

"Its jaws are around my ankle." -- Anon Guest

Graham looked. This was just one among the many reasons why Planetary Survey Teams had combat-ready livesuits as part of their essential equipment. The lizard in question looked like a boa constrictor had somehow had children with a sarcosuchus and, owing to the subterranean environment, didn't have much

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Challenge #02148-E319: Mutual Flailing With Shouting

"Good news Commander, there is a settlement with enough material to repair our ship, the inhabitant seems more curious than afraid, and they are more than willing to trade the needed materials for help with theirs infrastructure. Mainly a water purifying station and a basic energy production facilities."

"Do they understand GalStand ?"

"That's the tricky part... That's a Vorax settlement..." -- Anon Guest

Can you imagine a surprise bigger than that? The Vorax have castes, and the most widely-known is the warrior

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Challenge #02145-E316: Pass the Ductape and Praise the Powers

"Well yeah, it works, but could it be better?" at this point groaning wasn't stopping the human from trying -- Anon Guest

There are two kinds of Humans, though debates abound as to which kinds those two are. In this case, though, the division is between those who say, "What the flakk, it runs," and those who say, "Yes, I know it's working perfectly fine, but what if it worked better than that?" Human Andi was one among the latter.

Like most

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Challenge #02143-E314: 'Tis the Season

The Harvest moon fills the sky

A wicked witch goes flying by

Ghosts and goblins..skeletons too.

Moaning and groaning, waiting for you

Black cats prowl the graveyard plots

Witches cook in cauldron pots

Cemetery ghouls roam the ground

Not one unopened grave is found

Tombstones are an eerie sight

Shadows dance in full moon light

The haunted house on the hill

Walk in there and you get a chill

Jack-o-lanterns eyes so bright

Trick or Treaters scream in fright

It’s

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Challenge #02142-E313: Been There, Done That

Alien: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CRASH LANDED ON YOUR HOME PLANET!?"

Human: "I mean we are on Earth, my home, somewhere in Central Africa...I think."

Alien: "We are doomed"

Human: "No we're not. Don't worry, I'll teach you everything there is to know about surviving on a Deathworld, we'll be fine." -- Anon Guest

Human Yoss clambered up the wreckage of their vessel. The bad news was that they were in the middle of flakk-off nowhere with busted comms. The

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Challenge #02139-E310: Cute, Fluffy, Deadly

The survey leader folded hir forelimbs and radiated annoyance. "It is small, furry, and completely unarmed. The worst it can do is a scratch." Insectoid faces don't easily show annoyance, but this one made a determined effort. "What are you afraid of, getting an owie on your boo-boo?" -- Anon Guest

First rule of Deathworlder animals - there is no such thing as harmless.

First Invader G'thaz was among the first to discover that to hir detriment. The creature known to the

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Challenge #02137-E308: Ante-Shattering Presents...

a documentary series by an alien film crew about the cultures of pre-shattering nations of earth

this week Americans.

loud, obnoxious, wildly opinionated, and with a cultural love of guns so deep that it never left. -- Anon Guest

A warning to all Havenworlders: This feature contains footage of Deathworlders, containing Deathworlders, and about Deathworlders. It is intended as a cultural analysis of pre-Shattering Terran identity groups. This episodes contains multiple explosions, loud Humans acting in violent ways, and portrayals of open

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Challenge #02135-E306: It's a Bit Like Bognor

Humans have 3 states of existence. Yes, No, and hold my drink. -- Anon Guest

Thax had never met a Human before, but it was highly advisable that she get one for her expedition into the Edge Territories. The information available was... incredibly scant. Well. The information that wasn't also attached to an offensensitivity warning.

Humans have three states of existence, it said, Yes, No, and "Hold My Drink". They were Deathworlders, but they were also classed as "Mostly Harmless" until provoked.

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Challenge #02134-E305: Terms of Combat Have Changed

A single inescapable fact is that humanity united with infinitely greater purpose in pursuit of war than they ever did in pursuit of peace. -- Anon Guest

Humans are not good at sharing, they say. Their origin planet was divided into thousands of groups identifying themselves with borders, religion, and culture to define battling clusters. When all of those were in common, lines divided amongst economic, gender identity, skin tone, and creedic boundaries.

All it took was one contact with visiting alien

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Challenge #02133-E304: Forewarned is...

Humans love things that explode. "Ooh look! fireworks." -- Anon Guest

Things that Humans love that go bang in various ways: a list compiled by non-Humans.

  1. Popping candy. Effervescent crystals encapsulated in chocolate and sugar. When dissolving in saliva, produce a crackling sensation in the mouth and sinuses. Harmful to those with theobromine sensitivity, but otherwise mostly harmless. Offensensitivity rating: low.

  2. Popcorn. Grains originating from the American continents, heated until the water inside the grains bursts through their own hard casing. Consumed

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Challenge #02133-E304: Mislaid

"Did anyone see a tank?"

"What colour was it?" -- Anon Guest

"Bright flakking red," said Human Jen. Like all things that came from a Human's mouth, it was difficult to tell whether that was sarcasm, a joke, or the truth. This was something of a hindrance in a Military Replica Driving Range.

Thorkak took a deep, cleansing breath, and tried again, "For clarity of understanding, are you searching for a mechanical tank, a fish tank, or a garment tank?"

Human Jen

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