Myths Illogical

A 195-post collection

Challenge #01088-B356: Catch of the Day

http://deathcomes4u.tumblr.com/post/135909651673/mythsofthesea-faerytale-wings-merman-and -- Anon Guest

[AN: Epileptics, beware of the gif background]

The water was her second home. People who knew Nel said that they were waiting for her to grow gills. The people of Nothéré Island knew her so well that she once attended a job interview in a bikini and flipflops. Nel knew everywhere on Nothéré in relation to the closest or the most convenient swimming location.

And it was one summer afternoon after a particularly bad squall that she found Nim.

Some idiot had cut their fine mesh net loose when it snagged on debris, which washed up on a shore that the tourists hadn't found and desecrated, yet. Nel always checked the shores after a big storm for stuff just like this.

There were two dolphins in the net, and a number of fish that Nel was too late to help. And, gasping and terrified, struggling to free himself from the tangle, was Nim.

Nel almost didn't see him, assuming he was some exotic and endangered fish, because the humanoid half of him was under a waning dolphin. She singsonged her way through cutting the dolphins free and moving them into the shallows, and then realised that the struggling form was...

Oh shit...

A merman.

Logically, she knew, there had to be mermen. Otherwise, how would mermaids happen? And even then, mermaids were supposed to be a myth. But no. They were just another species that humans hadn't encountered, captured, or otherwise found a means to exploit, yet.

Nel knew in an instant that, if she took a photo, if she called anyone, his life was forfeit. So was the life of any of his pod. Family. Whatever the merfolk called themselves. She singsonged her way through cutting him free, and towing him towards the water. Merfolk were supposed to drown sailors, so Nel let him loose and dived for the shore the instant he could swim away.

Then it was just a matter of finding any trace of ownership on the illegal net. If she ever got her hands on the numb-nuts who had it in the first place, there would be not enough left of them to identify without gene testing. The local law enforcement knew this, alas, and refused to give her any details about their investigations. And warned the shopkeepers not to pass them around, either.

Nel resorted to blogging about it.

She dragged the net way above the high tide line and anchored it to a handy rock. When she was done with her swim, she would be dragging it off to the law, anyway. People had to learn that owning an illegal net was not going to be tolerated.

The merman was in the shallows. Watching her. "What you do?" he said.

Okay. He could talk. "I'm logging all the details of this net and trying to publicly shame the person who owned it," said Nel. "The law won't let me punish them the way I want to. This is all I'm allowed to do so I'm doing it with gusto."

"You are not like the others. You love the ocean."

Nel couldn't argue with that. "Sooner or later, humans will realise that we have to live here. I just wish it was sooner." She finished her rant and posted it from her phone.

He was still there. And rather dreamy, actually. He did have claws, but he wasn't being menacing. And his striped scales were... wow. He had fins where ears should have been. And a fine dappling of scales all over. "Do you have a name?" she asked. "Everyone calls me Nel."

"You may know me as Nim." There was a longer, more complicated name that his people knew him by. Nel couldn't pronounce half of it, no matter how hard she tried.

And it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

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Challenge #01084-B352: One Early Dawn Ceremony Far From His Master's Tower

http://paintdripps.tumblr.com/post/133942666585/magic-aus-for-all-your-magic-au-needs

One more time -- Gallifreya

The demon looked down at the circle around the mage. "Yer kiddin' me, right?" it said. It looked like a human shape, but it was obviously not human. For a start, its skin was as black as coal, and its demonic eyes burned with their own fire.

"Avaunt, foul beast," said Tra'gyk the mage. He held up his binding talisman. "I hath summoned thee with my mighty magic and thou

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Challenge #01083-B351: Dir Satan...

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/135497280792/incurablenecromantic-eccentricmisseclectic

"Give me a heartwarming Christmas movie about Satan traveling around the world every Christmas to deliver presents to all the young kids and kids with learning disorders and disabilities who misspell “Santa” on their Christmas letters every year"

"And Santa’s all like, “You know, I can handle a few spelling mistakes, I got this,” and Lucifer is like “They’re addressed to me, fuck off, I’m doing it.”"

"Lucifer being protective of his

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Challenge #01082-B350: Haunted Model

http://tobiasandguy.tumblr.com/post/135382746545/selfie-its-harder-when-you-attract-unseen

Being followed around by invisible things that only show up on camera - and are always pulling faces when you want a nice picture. -- Gallifreya

"Just... don't. Don't take my photo. You'll regret it."

"What? But you're gorgeous."

He sighed. "I attract photobombing ghosts. It gets... ugly."

"Have you tried a--"

"Every psychic I could find. I even stroll those psychic reader tables at the mall. None of them can see or sense them.

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Challenge #01081-B349: Found Divinity

Prometheus, and all the other 'gave knowledge to mortals and was cast down for it' gods/goddesses/other mythical figures from various mythologies, being found by mortals, rescued from their punishments, and thanked properly. Even if it's only the first one being found, and the realisation that the others exist, and must be helped. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: After a little bit of Wiki Wandering, Prometheus is the only one who got punished for sharing wisdom... but I can pretend there's others]

The

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Challenge #01060-B328: In the Middle of a Faery Tale

http://paintdripps.tumblr.com/post/133942666585/magic-aus-for-all-your-magic-au-needs

And a third -- Gallifreya

Gloria had been combing her hair by the river when a wandering man stumbled upon her. He stood there, gaping like a landed fish, until Gloria started braiding it up.

"Fair maiden, I beg your boon," he began. "I am labouring under a terrible curse. A foul witch decreed that I must never refuse an opportunity for generosity until such time as a maiden bestows her true love's kiss."

Hm.

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Challenge #01058-B326: Desperate Measures

http://paintdripps.tumblr.com/post/133942666585/magic-aus-for-all-your-magic-au-needs

Pick one -- Gallifreya

Cam had had enough. Their entire adventure across half the realm had been full of bailing out of flirting. Near misses and excruciating closeness mixed with nigh-intolerable formality.

It had been painful. Didn't Bes know how awesome she was? How wonderful she was for everyone around her. It wasn't that she had a Bard's natural glamour. It was all charm and charisma. And... just being Bes.

All Cam could think about

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Challenge #01057-B325: Angels Unawares

http://soluscrow.tumblr.com/post/133913436559/modernaukeats-texts-between-angels-trying-to

Angels living among the mortals -- Gallifreya

Mrs Getherty had always been in the neighbourhood. And she had always been a little strange. For instance, she invited the local evangelists in for tea and cookies. And a nice, long chat that somehow devoured their entire day, covered nothing, and roamed from topic to topic like an indecisive kid with one dollar to spend in the candy store.

Nobody could remember when she wasn't a slightly

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Challenge #01055-B323: Eventual Amity

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/133857707605/jcatgrl-copperbadge-persinetteinthetower

Domestic life after the baby dilemma -- Gallifreya

Gloria was crying. She'd been crying for hours.

Disastra moaned. She hadn't slept enough to focus her magic. Therefore she used her wand to prod Calamity. "It's your turn."

"N'h did it las' time..."

"No you didn't, I did it last time. GO!"

"...five mo' minutes..."

"NO! YOU HAD THE STUPID IDEA TO STEAL A STUPID BRAT!"

"You had th' same one," Calamity grumbled. She, too, had

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Challenge #01054-B322: Joint Custody

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/133857707605/jcatgrl-copperbadge-persinetteinthetower

Two separate magical entities turn up for the same baby. -- Gallifreya

They both appeared at the christening. Calamity in a plume of green fire and Disastra in a cloud of roiling purple smoke. Both with identical words.

"Give me the child!"

The proud parents recognised one of them and boggled at the other. Then at their spouse.

"I can explain," they both said.

He had paid for an invulnerable armour with the life of

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Challenge #01049-B317: Ashes to Ash...

http://outfromtheinkwell.tumblr.com/post/133600270753/latessitrice-absinthenoir

The woes of an Italian vampire -- Gallifreya

[AN: Trying to write this without sounding racist]

I didn't know what I'd become when I stumbled home to Mama. I could remember an attack. I remember that the early dawn light burned my skin. I remember... being ill. Not being able to take in Mama's cooking. Being so thirsty. And always tired during the day.

Mama did what she could. She kept the sun away from

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Challenge #01048-B316: Afoot in the Grove

Pick one or more items from this list - it just sounded so much like the sort of things you'd think up that I HAD to share... http://howlingguardian.tumblr.com/post/133493640614/
(post reproduced below in case of link failure)

Talk fantasy prosthetics to me.

An elf maiden dances on feet of living wood sung into shape, planted in soil and watered when she takes them off. Every year she plants the old ones and sings a new pair. (Incidentally, the

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Challenge #01047-B315: Economy Exorcism

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/133438233764/breelandwalker-witchbxi-spirit-haunts-a -- Gallifreya

They looked like the typical whitebread couple who scoffed at the warnings that their new home was haunted until things got beyond the line of wilful ignorance. Candace listened to their story, and it ran the entire gamut of that sad story.

They fell in love with the place. Didn't believe in the supernatural. Laughed at the thought of ghosts. Little incidents escalated. And they escalated quickly. And the next thing they knew,

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Challenge #01044-B312: Self-Aware Adventurer

Because I am here...

...I can protect my friends.

but

Because I am here...

... my friends must fight. -- Anon Guest

There's usually two reasons why the prophecy only names the Chosen One. Neither of them are very good. Either they didn't make friends during their epic quest... or their friends fell by the wayside.

Claire refused to let her friends die for her.

She did everything she could to protect them. To help them survive the battles that the Scourge sent

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Challenge #01040-B308: The Tenant

It doesn't count as a haunting if the ghost pays rent. -- Gallifreya

[AN: ARGH, so tempted to make this another Undertale fic...]

There's an old gold digger who shares my house with me. He died in his mine, somewhere under where my house is. And I only know that from researching the history.

He's a quiet fellow. I only see him in mirrors. Dusty, of course. Old canvas pants, held up with braces, and shirtsleeves. He comes up after dark, but

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