Instant Story

Flash fiction fresh from my fingers to your mind!

Challenge #00849-B118: Tough Crowd

A species that has a language where musical vocables (La, de, dum, da etc.) are all either swearwords or very rude.

“I d-d-d-d-don’t know what happ-p-p-ened,” complained Rabbit.

“We were going so well,” said The Spine. “It doesn’t compute… it doesn’t compute…”

“…i don’t want to be mus-ic-ians an-y-more…” sulked Hatchworth.

Pete 17, urgently directing repair teams of Walter Workers, took a deep breath. “What the heck happened? Everybody loves your music…”

“I dunno,” said Rabbit. “W-w-w-one minute, I was all, ‘Attune your ears to the g-grinding gears’, and the n-n-n-next, it was a rrrr-rrr-riot.”

“They don’t like Brass Gog-gles,” said Hatchworth, huddled in a corner.

Realisation hit like a truck. “I told you not to put that in the set list,” complained Pete 17. “I told you for a very good reason. Do any of you remember what that was?”

Hatchworth put up his hand. “I know, Mis-ter Wal-ter! Pick me!”

Sigh. “Yes, Hatchy.”

“The cul-ture and lan-guage of this plan-et puts our lyr-ics in the naugh-ty box.”

“What?” said Rabbit.

“We were sing-ing rude words.”

There was a moment of relative silence. Filled by the noise of tools and urgent repairs.

Finally, there was a single summary of realisation from The Spine. “Oops.”

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Challenge #00848-B117: It Just Goes

About the EM Drive, a possible new space drive that no-one has a coherent theory on HOW it works, but as long as no mistakes have been made in the experiments, it seems that it does. …Somehow.

“Well, the future space programs will no longer need propellants. However, they should probably investigate this thoroughly, this looks like an accidental discovery of summoning…things. While using Cthulhu as a propellant sounds hilarious no one wants to know what happens after that. ”

[AN: The

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Challenge #00847-B116: The Diving War

This battle would be much more intense if both sides weren’t trying to lose.

“If we do not win for the glory of the emperor, we will be executed as criminals.”

“But we can’t win! The odds are stacked against us.”

“Have no fear! I have bribed the other general to lose to us. All we have to do is make sure that we don’t hurt his men.”

Meanwhile, in the other camp…

“The emperor told us to

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Challenge #00846-B115: Vortex Realm

“Help! I’m trapped in a Craft Show.”

How many aisles must a man walk down? How many different booths could stock yarn? And what the hell was tatting?

Maisy stopped at yet another booth that sold merchandise almost identical to the last booth.

“…uuuuuuuuuuuugh…” groaned Paul, designated human packhorse. “My feet hurt. How big is this show floor? Can I please put this crap in our room and go for a coffee?“

“Hmm?” Maisy looked up from an array

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Challenge #00845-B114: Hearts Wild

The adventures of an Australian in the Everfree Forest.

[AN: The pony in this story has almost nothing to do with Steve Irwin and is a parody of several nature presenters and possibly Bush Tucker Man]

The Everfree Forest. A peculiar patch of land that has never needed a pony’s help to operate. The plants grow by themselves. The clouds have seeming autonomy. It’s whispered that the animals, there, eat each other.

It’s a dangerous place. Unsafe for the

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Challenge #00844-B113: In Vino, Vastitas

Now, I’m not a philosopher, but I AM drunk at this moment, so I’ll attempt to discuss philosophy within my own limited eckshp- expewir- …Stuff.

“Na, na, na, na, na, na. Y’ can’t do that,” said his drunken mate. “There’s a rule, right? Anything you attempt drunk, right? Anything… you try t’ do drunk… ‘S gonna end in d’saster.”

“She’ll be right, mate,” said Kevin. “Ph’los’phy’s jus’ words, innit? Can’t

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Challenge #00843-B112: Relics of a Previous Age.

I think that I’ve never seen anything so stupid and so practical in all my life.

They called it The Archive of Earth. A massive tomb devoted to the Twentieth Century. And Shayde had, through adventure and misadventure, inherited the lot.

“How much of this stuff is plastic?” wondered Rael.

“Uh. After the Twenties? Loads.” Shayde was particularly uninformative, unpacking the vaults and sorting random objects. The swarming Archivaas had left her to deal with everything they didn’t recognise. Which

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Challenge #00842-B111: Complaints Department

Person who brought the bomb: ‘You’re genuinely offended by the fact that we didn’t bring big enough bombs?’
Person they were trying to blow up: ‘I’m offended by any job poorly done, but that’s not the prime issue.’

“You call that an explosion,” griped the target. Lord Bottomsbury. “You call that an explosion?”

“Er,” said Kieth, would-be assassin. “I thought it’d work?”

“Honestly. This is not the death I paid for.”

“I’m sorry, it’s my

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Challenge #00841-B110: When Clint Met Natasha

Some men get so nervous if a lady shows up at the restaurant with a box of explosives.

Budapest. Some years ago.

He thought he had been discretely
following her, right up until the moment she sat down opposite him at the cafe. She gave him a winning smile and a, “Sorry I’m late, darling.
Caught up in shopping.”

Quick handsigns. Three bogies. Armed. Target you. No look.

“That’s okay, sweetie,” he said, making sure the nearby shrubbery blocked him

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Challenge #00840-B109: Penfold... Hush.

If we never meddled in powers we did not comprehend, how would we gain comprehension?

“Uh… by examining them with science? Preferably by non-invasive, passive means first?” suggested Penfold.

Blenkinsop glared at her. “Honestly. You’re such a wet blanket.”

“Wet blankets survive fires, Blenkinsop. All I’m asking is that you pay attention.”

She sighed and folded her arms. “Really.”

“Yes. There is a reason why you found these tools and instruments in the middle of a ruined temple. In

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Challenge #00839-B108: Infodump

You know you’ve over explained something when you make a robot’s eyes go glassy.

“…and when he looks out the window, there’s this long shot that doesn’t make any sense? ‘Cause they’re in a left hand? But it’s a right hand? And that’s how you know that it’s another ship?”

T0B0r blinked. Dazed. “…this does not answer my question…” ze managed.

“And then when she escaped? You can clearly see she’

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Challenge #00838-B107: Pret a Porter

Creating accommodating clothing and furnishing and such for the possibility that the wearer/user is taller or shorter or fatter or thinner than the average human being seems difficult enough for most modern manufacturers…

…what if they suddenly had to accommodate customers possessing other outside-the-average features… like additional pairs of arms, a snake’s tail instead of legs, an extra head or two, wings of various types, centauric forms, or other formerly-just-mythic anatomy?

The familiar complaint, “Oh, they never have anything in

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The Telephone Game, Divine Edition

A religious organization (modern or fictional), after following their particular holy text (or at least it’s translated editions) for centuries/millenia, if given a drastic and alarming shock one day, when their deity appears to tell the vast majority of them, basically, “Who told you I said all this? I never asked you to act like this at all, most of it is your own ideas! You’ve got everything completely wrong!”

(#00837-B106)

The day of Festival was in full swing.

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Elvis has left the building

It’s August 1977, news has spread that Elvis Presley has died. For Amy & Zerachiel this is a problem. Niether can find them. Their department heads are furious, the records show that the King has just dissappeared and if Amy and Zerachiel can’t come up with the goods they’re fired. Might be that he’s not even human, mortal or even subject to either of their departments.

Amy = plain clothes demon
Department = Hell, collection agency

Zerachiel = plain clothes angel

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Challenge #00835-B104: Close Encounters of the Blurred Kind

More encounters between the spider-people and humans, pre- or post-Amity

Ten weeks prior to Amity’s re-introduction to the Galactic Alliance…

Salvage spacers tended to have short names. Monosyllabic and easy to pronounce in an emergency. So it was with Mar and Dee. Both women had longer names, but such names were exclusively on their paperwork.

“I’ve been on this hulk before,” said Dee, pointing to a conglomerated wreck in their pathfinder screen. “There’s an enormous colony of BFS on

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