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A 249-post collection

Challenge #00963-B232: Love and Hate and Love Again...

Dunno what this is from originally, but I saw it on Tumblr in a few places, and figured you’d make something awesome from it…


“They say ‘You can’t love someone unless you love yourself first.' Bullshit. I have never loved myself. But you - oh god, I loved you so much… that I somehow forgot what hating myself felt like.”

(Prompt from ChaosWolf1982 on Tumblr)

There were days, aching days when the rain made his entire, misshapen body hurt, that he remembered what it was like to have been smart. He got angry with himself. Shut himself away where there weren't any reflective surfaces, and let his heart hurt him, too.

Norman should have been grateful. Walter Manor had taken him in when the rest of the world would rather have shot at him. They made sure he was at least comfortable. Treated him kindly. Saw him as a person.

But nobody could stop this kind of hurt. The hurts that reminded him of The Core Incident. Of everything he had ruined because he'd been curious.

He'd just wanted to know how the core worked. He and Ignatious had picked Rabbit because it was the first. The simplest. It had been easy to disable the automaton and remove the core. They couldn't know what would happen when they tried to crack its secrets.

They couldn't have known that a core without its body would share its nightmares through time and space.

He had once dreamed of being as handsome as Professor Hottie. Now the rest of his life was a nightmare. He was a nightmare.


No. Not her. Anyone but her.

He wanted to say, I killed your husband. I ruined your family. I wrecked the universe, but his addled brain wouldn't let him. He said, "Go away, I'm hurting people."

Wanda said, "It's the rain, isn't it? I remember it was raining when..."

When she lost her father and her husband and nearly lost her uncle. "...i'm hurting," he whimpered.

Her hand was soft and warm against his skin. Gentle and careful.

Norman risked a peek with his regular eye. He couldn't understand why she looked at him like that. Like... she knew he was suffering. It had almost been twenty years, and she still looked as young as she had... when he had limped into the mansion. Peter Walter the Third draped over his shoulder and Rabbit's core clutched in his good hand. When all he could say was 'sorry' for an entire month.

And on stormy days like this... he remembered loving her from afar.

What business did she have being kind and considerate and helpful to him? He'd wrecked her entire world. He could understand if she yelled at him. Threw things. Called him a monster like the rest of the world did. But weeping? In sympathy?

Norman reached up with his left hand, catching one of her tears. "I make you cry," he said. "I'm hurting."

"I'm crying for you, dummins," she murmured, moving around so she could face him. "It's been eighteen years. You're allowed to stop hurting yourself because of what happened." One of her hands found his most-normal hand. The other gently brushed his face.

He pushed that hand away. Let the lobster claws on the ends of his fingers nip and bite his face. "Monster," he said. "Hurt the monster."

"No," she said. Something slipped over his right hand. An oven mit. "Forgive the monster." She kissed what was left of his nose.

He stared at her. Norman wanted to say, I hurt you. I hurt your family. I hurt the world. I deserve this pain. But he couldn't. All he could focus on was how much lighter he felt for being kissed. He touched where she'd kissed him, half-expecting magic to wrap him up and turn him human.

No such luck.

The proper words came at last in a rare moment of perfect lucidity. "You... made me stop hating me."

"Good," she whispered, and snuggled into his lap.

The rain didn't stop, but the pain did.

(Muse food remaining: 22. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #00961-B230: One Gloomy Evening in a Dimly-lit Tavern

Person #1: Everyone knows there are no female dwarves because dwarves reproduce through beards, stone, and beer. :p

Person #2: No, somewhere deep in the mine lies the Dorf Queen. Whale-sized, eyeless, telepathically controlling the entire dwarf species and continuously giving birth to new “drones.”

Person #3: This also explains why dwarves all act the same. They’re just appendages of the same collective mind. Which is an aggressive alcoholic miner for some reason.

(Prompt from RecklessPrudence on Tumblr)

Jolli Eskutrebe kept

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Challenge #00955-B224: Minnie Mighty

I don’t want my obituary to read ‘saved the world and was then eaten by a small dog.’

Life’s fun when your entire life runs on pure mutant bullshittium. Hi. My name’s Minnie and I have the power to shrink.

Yeah wow what a wonderful power. I can get small.

can hear you thinking that from here. Let me tell you a thing. I also have a little bit of a corollary. The smaller I get, the denser,

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Challenge #00945-B214: After the Revolution

You might like this.

The Pyro Plague had finally run its course. The only plants left to make the air marginally breathable were the ones that were too toxic for the Plague to attack. Which was nice for those plants, but not so great for the humans who needed them to live.

Of course, the people revolted against the companies who had made the plague possible. And who insisted on monocultures of food crops, genetically engineered to be delicious. When the plague

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Challenge #00941-B210: Idiosyncrasies

The person who asked about the human Oshit reaction witnesses a human watching the YMCA spider video for the first time (and the human is not like one of my best friends, whose reaction is still “Kill it with fire!”)

K’leb’th happened to find a space to sit near an unfamiliar human. Ze was messing around with a palm-sized device and occasionally playing things for hirself.

Ah. This human, much like Cambry, had subscribed to The Daily Meme, a co-operative

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Challenge #00932-B201: We Are Magic

Person #1: C'mon!

Person #2: No.

Person #1: Aww. Please?

Person #2: No. There’s no such thing.

Person #1: But you’ll never know if you have magic powers until you try!

Person #2: sigh Fine. Abracada-[Words in a dead tongue, strange lights from nowhere and levitating off the floor]

What Debbie and Angela didn’t know, of course, was that it was all a trick. A light show, mostly. And her limited skills in telekinesis for the levitating objects.

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Challenge #00892-B161: Malevolent Dictatorship

Person #1: Y'know, despite the fact that we’ve been conquered by a mad scientist, you’ve got to admit at least they make the trains run on time.

Person #2: So the train /won’t/ be late?

Person #1: Might be a bit early. And on fire. With electricity flying off it. And a dark cloud of doom preceding it. And a strange, shrill laugh.

Person #3: You know, like the 11:25 one.

Say what you like about Mad

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Challenge #00838-B107: Pret a Porter

Creating accommodating clothing and furnishing and such for the possibility that the wearer/user is taller or shorter or fatter or thinner than the average human being seems difficult enough for most modern manufacturers…

…what if they suddenly had to accommodate customers possessing other outside-the-average features… like additional pairs of arms, a snake’s tail instead of legs, an extra head or two, wings of various types, centauric forms, or other formerly-just-mythic anatomy?

The familiar complaint, “Oh, they never have anything in

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Potentially kindasorta NSFW prompt...

Humans are encountered by a race who has cyclical breeding seasons rather than humanlike sex-at-anytime urges. Both are baffled by the other’s views on sexuality.

I imagine the human idea of sex being something that is always a possibility, a low level cultural background radiation, would be insane for a race that had naturally-regimented behavior where such urges are only really a noteworthy thing for a few weeks a year (though during that time, it’s a BIG deal).


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Challenge #00754 - B023: What is Dog?

After other species have somewhat adjusted to the whole “vicious predator” == “family pet” thing, they run into this:

That is a predator larger than an adult human, whose head is roughly that man’s torso’s size.

He is a descendant of one of the scariest predators in the world casually flopped on the couch and he loves belly rubs and ear scritches and is just a big fluffy goofball that loves mauling tennis balls - well, maybe volleyballs are more appropriate,

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Challenge #00742 - B011: You Stole What?

To paraphrase Die Hard:

“Now I have a Death Star. Ho Ho Ho.”

“This is your claim. A dwarf planet in a Sargasso. Big whoop.”

“It’s not a dwarf planet,” said Lenn Ybalius. She was busy watching her controls and making certain she piloted her way in on certain vectors.

“Oh, you hijacked a moon,” singsonged Prella. She had a low opinion of her business partner. “That’s above your usual standards.

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Challenge #00733 - B002: Buggier Than a Backyard Barbie

You know, the only good thing about [operating system] is that even the viruses have compatibility issues.

Yusslisstek BSOS had only one advantage over other, more stable systems. It was almost completely immune to any kind of virus, trojan, spyware, malware or worm ever concocted by the devious minds of hackers anywhere.

This was mainly because BSOS was a collection of kludges held together by the willpower of the coders and, some suspected, dark sorcery.

It would certainly explain why, when it

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Challenge #00731 - A366: That's Me All Over

“I thought we were going to knock it’s head off?” “We’re disassembling it into easily carried pieces”

“I really would advise against that,” said their victim. Currently a head on a shelf. But that was the problem when one was dealing with robots. They didn’t always die all at once.

“Stop talking, you’re supposed to be dead,” said McLargehuge. He was the smaller, smarter, and sneakier of the two thieves.

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One person's trash...

Arizona pyrope garnets occur in a remote section of the Navajo Nation in Arizona. The gems have never been mined commercially because there aren’t enough of them.  The entire world supply of these gems depends on those living nearby who collect a few stones after the occasional rainstorm and trade them at local stores.

This gem is most commonly called “ant-hill garnet” because they are “mined” by ants. Ants find the garnets while digging their anthills, drag them out, and discard

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"Did you hear the one about the two humans?"

What if the majority (or at least a statistically-notable percentage) of the Galactic Community had mating seasons, like most animals do, so that as a result, with humanity’s decidedly non-seasonal “anytime and anywhere” sexual biology, we’re the butt of a million planets’ cheezy and/or stereotype-based dirty jokes…

[AN: Trigger warning: rape mention]

(#00721 - A356)

Of course, humans supplied some of them. Nothing cycles around quicker than a recycled joke.

“How many humans does it take to screw

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