Person #1: Everyone knows there are no female dwarves because dwarves reproduce through beards, stone, and beer. :p
Person #2: No, somewhere deep in the mine lies the Dorf Queen. Whale-sized, eyeless, telepathically controlling the entire dwarf species and continuously giving birth to new “drones.”
Person #3: This also explains why dwarves all act the same. They’re just appendages of the same collective mind. Which is an aggressive alcoholic miner for some reason.
(Prompt from RecklessPrudence on Tumblr)
Jolli Eskutrebe kept her eyes on her cider as her quest-mates joked about her species. "Aye," she rumbled, "and it has nothing at all to do with how you tall ones spend all your idle hours wondering how we reproduce."
"I resemble that remark," slurred the Bard. He always was a cheap drunk.
The wizard cackled. "We just wonder, is all. Why... does nobody... ever... see a female dwarf?"
"You're not looking," said Jolli. The sooner she was done with this pack of tall lunatics, the better. They were a self-centred, ignorant lot of louts. None of them had noticed that she'd switched to non-alcoholic beverages. Or that she had been ill for a few months since her little 'hunting trip' with Hale Strongbeard, over by Woiczbiurthaldiguh[1].
With luck, these idiots would never know that she was pregnant. The enemy certainly wouldn't survive. There was nothing, after all, that was more dangerous than a Dwarf with child.
[1] Dwarvish place names are both (a) unpronouncable by human tongues and (b) usually indicative of the mining opportunities.
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