Instant Story

Flash fiction fresh from my fingers to your mind!

Challenge #00967-B236: STEVEN!

“I may have accidentally sort of adopted five cats.”

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

Baby Rose was investigating the nutritional quality of her own fist again. Connie gently encouraged her to chew on the pediatrician-recommended teether that her mom insisted all babies loved.

Rose gnawed on it once, twice, and then looked up as if to say, Why would you betray me like this, mother? and promptly spat it out.

"Yeah," she sighed. "Try telling Gram'ma that. You try telling gram'ma. No, I don't like dat teether, Gram'ma. I likes my own fistses. And Mommy's fingies. And Dada's fingies."

"Da," said Rose, around her mouthful of fingers.

She looked up and around. Steven was nowhere in sight. "Where is Dada?"

Rose blew bubbles with her spit and reached in an odd direction. The only thing that way was the gardening supplies, and they were already stocked up.

Maybe he was 'encouraging' some of the seedlings.

"If Dada is making the vines play games again, Mommy is going to be cross," Connie singsonged as she maneuvered the shopping cart.

Rose greeted this news with giggles and happy flailings. She apparently loved the faces Connie made when she was angry at Steven. And nothing shorted out anger like a giggling baby.

The gardening section was suspiciously bare of Stevens. Odd. Rose had never been wrong about where her father was. Connie tried again. "Where's Dada?"

Rose reached for the wall. Weird.

She got out her phone and dialed her husband. Absently wheeling the trolley back around to the entrance of the store.

"I'm on my way back," said Steven when he picked up.

"This isn't a Gem thing, then?"

"No. No, it's fine. I promise. I just had to... um... fetch... a few things. Like real quick."

There he was, coming to the store at an angle that would have him returning from the parking lot. Connie raised an eyebrow at him, earning a nervous grin.

"And why would you run off and abandon your wife and child like that?"

"Um..." All these years, and he was still a terrible liar. "I... uh... had a little... thing? And it wasn't real important, you know. Like... uh... just a little thing? Nothing I needed to haul you and Rose around for? Besides, you were still deciding on baby food... um... and I figured... I'd... have... time?"

Rose was giggling. Evidently her father's faces when he tried to lie were hilarious as well.

Connie sighed. "We all know how this is going to go. And I, for one, would like to do it without the tears."

Steven went bright red. "...sorry about that," he mumbled.

She tapped her foot. "I'm still waiting."

"Um." Steven fidgeted, twiddling with his hair. He looked down at his sandals. Out the shop door. Up at the ceiling. Down the baby aisle. "You remember that big storm?" Hair, sandals, door, ceiling, aisle. "When I had to close the restaurant late?"

Rose was laughing up a storm. She loved these moments, the little sadist.

"Mm-hm," Connie made a little move-along gesture.

"Funny story. Heheh... Turns out... someone had put a box of kittens in our dumpster? Um. And they were like newborn?"

"Steven..." Connie sighed. She knew where this was going. Without a doubt.

Now he started gabbling. "Okay, soItriedtotakethemtoashelter, butthesheltersaidtheycouldn'ttakethem, soItookthemtoavet, andthevetsaidtheycouldput'emdown, butthey'rejustbabies, soIaskedhowtolookafterthemand--"

"Steven..." she warned.

"I... may have... accidentally... sort of... adoptedfivecats?"

Connie facepalmed. At least now she knew where the extra cash was going.

(Muse food remaining: 18. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #00966-B235: Consult the Tea

More about the mentioned-once Captain’s Cup

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

Working with humans was always a rocky path...

Bal'thox watched in confusion as her human captain installed a small heat plate near the Captain's chair. Humans had been all over this ship. Adding insanity upon insanity.

Certainly, some of them worked. Like the gravity generator that was half technology, half cargo cult.

Others mystified. Like the twin, plush representation of six-sided die that now dangled above the main screen. And

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Challenge #00965-B234: A Nice, Hot, Cuppa

More about the mentioned-once Captain’s Cup

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

Throughout the Galactic Alliance, one common factor became well known. There is no instrument more sensitive than a cup of hot beverage next to the Captain's chair.

Captain Eloise Fortescue put things together first, and had a habit of keeping a nice, hot, cup of tea by her captain's chair. And of course it helped that humans were the only ones who had gravity generators as standard technology.

Which allowed

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Challenge #00964-B233: Where Have All the Dinos Gone?

http://immaplatypus.tumblr.com/post/128003023050/bethosaurus-sunslammerdown

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

[AN: For those of you who can't be bothered following the link, the text reads as follows:

OP: What if aliens visited Earth during the Jurassic Period, found it to be occupied with a bunch of mean, giant lizards and thought "Well, fuck this planet" and never came back?

1stReply: what if when humans went out into the galaxy all the aliens panicked because if the dinosaurs tiny fur snacks

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Challenge #00963-B232: Love and Hate and Love Again...

Dunno what this is from originally, but I saw it on Tumblr in a few places, and figured you’d make something awesome from it…

—-

“They say ‘You can’t love someone unless you love yourself first.' Bullshit. I have never loved myself. But you - oh god, I loved you so much… that I somehow forgot what hating myself felt like.”

(Prompt from ChaosWolf1982 on Tumblr)

There were days, aching days when the rain made his entire, misshapen body

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Challenge #00962-B231: Just Like Bricks Don't

On the training plane for the Space Shuttle, the gearshift had three setitings: “fly like a plane”, “fly like a brick”, and “fly like the shuttle”. Please note that “brick” was used as an intermediate step between “plane” and “shuttle”

(Prompt from RecklessPrudence on Tumblr)

"Now this," said the human in the tones of someone sharing something delightful, "is old school."

"It looks like a simple re-entry vehicle," Tarb'nathad tapped a wing. "Primitive, yet effective."

"You have 'primitive' right," Kanta, too, had

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Challenge #00961-B230: One Gloomy Evening in a Dimly-lit Tavern

Person #1: Everyone knows there are no female dwarves because dwarves reproduce through beards, stone, and beer. :p

Person #2: No, somewhere deep in the mine lies the Dorf Queen. Whale-sized, eyeless, telepathically controlling the entire dwarf species and continuously giving birth to new “drones.”

Person #3: This also explains why dwarves all act the same. They’re just appendages of the same collective mind. Which is an aggressive alcoholic miner for some reason.

(Prompt from RecklessPrudence on Tumblr)

Jolli Eskutrebe kept

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Challenge #00960-B229: One Stormy Evening in a Former Enemy's Tool Closet

“What, that? That’s a sword that shoots lightning. That one’s a giant walking disco ball that shoots lightning. That guy’s Albert Einstein shooting lightning. Look, just assume that everything shoots lightning, ok?”

(for context, Google Privateer Press’s miniatures Game Warmachine, specifically the Cygnar faction)

"I'm detecting something of a theme," rumbled Wulfenbach.

"Well, when you conquer the self-declared Lightning Lads, you can expect a little thematic monotony, my Lord."

Wulfenbach rolled his eyes. "Feh. I've seen someone make

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Challenge #00959-B228: Slight Technical Hitch

People’s relation to tech has not changed:

On two occasions I have been asked,—"Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?“ In one case a member of the Upper, and in the other a member of the Lower, House put this question. I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question. - Charles Babbage

(Prompt from recklessprudence on Tumblr)

"HA! That's

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Challenge #00958-B227: Mortal Mutant Powers

(I’ve had this prompt for ages. I have to use it now, because they’re finally starting to make plugs and ports that this doesn’t matter for)

USB connectors are at least 4-dimensional. Proof: a connector doesn’t fit. You turn it 180 degrees and it still doesn’t fit. after a THIRD 180 degree turn it now does.

(prompt from RecklessPrudence on Tumblr)

Tambry had no idea why she'd gathered a crowd. All she'd done was hook up her

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Challenge #00957-B226: Obligatory Baby Adventure

http://outofcontextdnd.tumblr.com/post/127351161618

“Dwarven baby sleeps like anvil. Wait shit, that is anvil. Where is baby?”

Hroogar the Mighty removed the swaddling to make certain. Yes. It was the actual anvil that she used for the head of her war-hammer. The handle lay innocently right next to Nagdar the Sorcerer’s staff, where it would get looked over by the casual eye.

Hroogar breathed deeply and slowly, lest she fly into a berserker rage and lay waste to everything

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Challenge #00956-B225: Convoluted Jones

“[Name]? What are you doing here?”

“It’s a long story. I have a tank.”

“I kind of noticed by the way you shelled the bad guys and then drove it through the wall, Jones. One, how the flakk did you get your hands on a pre-Shattering Terran tank, and two: how the flakk did you find live ammo for it?”

“That’s… another long story. Better told inside. It’s noisy, but there’s headsets. And you can take over

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Challenge #00955-B224: Minnie Mighty

I don’t want my obituary to read ‘saved the world and was then eaten by a small dog.’

Life’s fun when your entire life runs on pure mutant bullshittium. Hi. My name’s Minnie and I have the power to shrink.

Yeah wow what a wonderful power. I can get small.

I
can hear you thinking that from here. Let me tell you a thing. I also have a little bit of a corollary. The smaller I get, the denser,

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Challenge #00954-B223: Careful How You Wish...

(Discussing being granted superpowers, Person #2 doesn’t want them)
Person #1: I’m sorry, but whether you want to or not… this is something that is going to happen. The next time you fall asleep-
Person #2: Then I just. /Won’t/. Sleep.
Person #3 (Full of cheerful sarcasm): That sounds like a solid long-term plan!

Irde glared at Bianca. “No. No. This isn’t a solid wish.”

“You did use the words ‘I wish’, said the Djinn. What she had

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Challenge #00953-B222: Millie the Conquerer

Well, I don’t think she ever seriously wanted the city. She conquered it as a stop-gap mechanism.

The line had to be drawn, somewhere, and Millie initially drew it with arsenic in Lord Pemberhall’s snuff. The man had been planning to raze her neighbourhood to put in a park, after all. He didn’t give a fig about where the people who lived there went, or if they lived or died.

Unfortunately, Pemberhall’s heirs immediately began bickering, and when

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