http://immaplatypus.tumblr.com/post/128003023050/bethosaurus-sunslammerdown
(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)
[AN: For those of you who can't be bothered following the link, the text reads as follows:
OP: What if aliens visited Earth during the Jurassic Period, found it to be occupied with a bunch of mean, giant lizards and thought "Well, fuck this planet" and never came back?
1stReply: what if when humans went out into the galaxy all the aliens panicked because if the dinosaurs tiny fur snacks now had spaceships and laser blasters and interstellar colonies then what the fuck were the dinosaurs up to???
2ndReply: #important human policy: do not let any aliens know the dinosaurs are extinct#EVER
3rdReply: jurassic park movies as extremely important interstellar propaganda
4thReply: This is probably the best post on Tumblr tbh it combines aliens, dinosaurs, space travel, evolution and borderline absurd humor in one thing]
The primary reason why the Hal'botha made nervous neighbours was that they were one wormhole jump away from the Sol system. They had visited the only planet with complex life, a long time ago. It had left a lasting impression.
Gigantic monsters, they said. Carnivores in every cubic volume unit. Even the insects devoured blood and flesh.
Of course, they were understandably upset when they learned that their immediate neighbours had started turning up on planetary colonies. The Hal'botha's first reaction was to check the Terran media to discover what had happened to the gigantic, carnivorous beasts that had snacked on the small mammals that had since evolved into cogniscence.
Results were even more alarming than they had thought. The humans had, indeed, evolved from the small tunnelling mammals that had been barely noticeable in their initial visit. Not only that, but they had evidently tamed and domesticated the dinosaurs for their entertainment.
They had even genetically modified them for the entertainment of their young.
The Hal'botha sent out the alarm to the greater Galactic Alliance. These balding bipeds could not be trusted. They were dangerous, destructive, and deadly. Monitored transmissions of their competitive events only added fuel to the fire.
Humans were Deathworlders. They were capable of things that no rational cogniscent would attempt. And they lived to show others how to do similar things. Anything beyond their physical capability? They would quickly invent machinery to assist them in their irrational endeavours.
They even visited other worlds before they developed proper radiation shielding.
The Hal'botha were even more alarmed when they realised that the humans had not taken any dinosaurs with them to their colony worlds. It meant either that the dinosaurs were unnecessary... or that they, too, had evolved.
Just the mental image of hyper-intelligent, carnivorous, deathworlder saurians on their own colony worlds... it was enough to send the Hal'botha into an extended, xenophobic retreat from Galactic Society as a whole.
So when it came time for the first Galactic Ambassadorial Meet with humans, Hal'botha had only one question.
One can imagine the fortitude of Ambassador Harry, faced with a being that resembled, in her words, "a giant zombie vampire bear" that demanded to know where the dinosaurs had gone. She was halfway tempted to tell him that they were still around in secret facilities, just to make the scary loud alien go away.
It was a tense moment, with Ambassador Harry clinging to her podium for strength. She eventually defaulted to a phrase from her previous work as the Tea Lady. "Sorry," she squeaked, "we haven't got any..."
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