Humans Are Space Orcs

A 315-post collection

Challenge #01323-C228: We'll Let You Terraform Mars For Free

Both from this post: http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/148437315937/bioluminosity-jean-bo-peep-artiestroke

1) I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

2) (Description of monstrous animal, weighs 3 tons, runs 30kph, bites 8000 newtons. Just as fast in water. Only some crewmembers who dropped all their gear and ran survived.)

"You later describe the creature to one of the humans you captured, wanting to know the name of the monstrosity that will haunt your nightmares for cycles to come.

The human smiles as it speaks a single word, slowly and distinctly, in its barbaric tongue.

“Hippopotamus.” -- Gallifreya

[AN: I love that post. I contributed to it a couple of times, too :D]

1)

Biological warfare is as old as the concept of hurling corpses over an enemy's fortifications in order to spread disease. And it was certainly nothing new to the Tyrvaki. They had honed it to a razor's edge. They had selections of plagues that would wipe out all intelligent life on a planet so they could move in.

It was the ultimate in weapons that killed the people yet left the buildings standing.

Or it was. Until they picked on a small, blue-green planet in orbit around a lacklustre star.

First... the chosen plagues they seeded into the planet didn't quite work. Pandemic after pandemic, the native cogniscents had procedures to curtail it. That is, when they weren't just plain immune.

It was infuriating.

The Tyrvaki settlers were impatient, of course, so the waiting colony ships sent down the military to pacify what natives were left and send them running out of the cities.

What they found was that the natives had already fled the cities and the majority were staying in isolated pockets and subsisting off the landscape. The few that remained behind surrendered. Seemingly already docile.

They had a multitude of barbaric tongues. Nothing like the musical ululations of Tyrvakk. But they did seem eager enough to please.

At least they were... before the very wildlife attacked.

Without the native cogniscents to keep them in check, the fauna proliferated. Omnivores lived off their garbage. Herbivores lived off their wrecked gardens. Carnivores lived off the herbivores. And all of the above seemed willing to try the Tyrvaki out as a new food source.

And worse, there was a plague spreading amongst the settlers that seemed to originate from blood-sucking insects. People were dying because of insect backwash.

Then they came. Large as some of the primitive human vehicles. Covered in fur. Growling and snarling and made of pure muscle. Their claws tore easily through Tyrvaki fortifications. No food store was safe from them. And it took an entire squadron and their accumulated firepower to stun it enough to dump in back in the forest from whence it came.

The humans found this amusing. But of course, they gave their young these... bears... as childhood playthings.

Invading Earth may have been a mistake.

2)

The humans insisted that their bears enjoyed forested areas. Except for a polar variant that liked vast expanses of ice. Therefore, it was entirely logical to resettle in an area that was as far as they could get from both.

The Tyrvaki chose a river delta roughly near the equator, situated in one of the larger land masses and conveniently without very much in the way of foliage.

They thought they could terraform the area to suit themselves. After all, the Tyrvaki were the most advanced and civilised people in known space. They had conquered all planets they came across. They would bend this one to their will as well.

Security patrols began to go missing. For months. Rumours abounded of a silent killer that struck without being seen. Even robot probes vanished.

One lucky survivor returned. Without his armour. Without his weapons. Without his pack. She was bruised and battered and near to exhaustion. But finally, the mysterious killer had an identification.

They came from the water. They were large and grey. Rounded, not furry. But they had a groaning, growling call. They could run at a little over eight Distance Units per second, and they crushed the Tyrvaki vehicles under their weight. They had to weigh more than twenty-seven hundred Weight Units.

Sor'keth had witnessed the beast biting through Tyrvaki combat armour to crush the leg of an unlucky soldier. Scientists calculated that their bite pressure had to be eight thousand newtons.

The water was not safe. The riversides were not safe.

They confronted one of the giggling humans in their midst. These cogniscents seemed to delight in the misfortunes of the Tyrvaki.

"What is this beast?" demanded the colonial commander.

The human spoke in their barbaric tongue. Just one word. "Hippopotamus."

This planet was going to be one of the difficult ones.

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Challenge #01287-C192: So Like Immunity

The immune system is constantly walking the razor thin edge between doing sweet fuck all and killing you as collateral damage in an apocalyptic war. -- RecklessPrudence

They said that humans were much like their own immune system. Q'voth took that to mean that they were proof against anything that wanted to kill them. There was no way that a direct attack would work.

Therefore, Q'voth played the long game. Ingratiating her people with the humans. Infiltrating their everyday life. Whittling away

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Challenge #01283-C188: Steep Learning Curve

Names of recordings of training scenarios.

"Ode to places a cutting torch should never go"

"Three drones, one airlock and no sense"

And the cautionary tale about plasma torches, hypergolic fuel and explosive decompression simply entitled: "Don't" -- RecklessPrudence

Human training videos were baffling. They seemed designed to entertain, but also contained the full, gruesome consequences in order to horrify their audience into learning the lesson.

Newbies, it seemed, were suicidally incompetent. Sometimes, they were also homicidally so. And chief amongst their

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Challenge #01278-C183: Kintsugi Ronin

The art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer, understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken. This can also apply to People. -- Knitnan

The ships' human was, in their own words, winding down. They had extracted themself from their armoured shell, removed the thermal suit that helped regulate their temperature, and otherwise stripped down to their Skins.

Most Gigaru kept away from the human at this point. Downtime was important to these mammals. And yet Kithkith

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Challenge #01273-C178: The Coffee Oath

"It is caffeine alone..." You know the rest of this quote. Have fun. -- KnitNan

Theobromine was dangerous for most species, but humans took it in several different preparations. This was the waking preparation, as the ship's human went about their post-somnolence ritual.

Humans could push themselves to operate for an entire standard day, if they needed to. Their human had just done so, and proceeded to sleep for an astonishing twelve hours. Now they emerged, still in their sleeping clothes, to

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Challenge #01266-C171: He's Just a Softie, Really

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/145552354602/iamacutetiger-cosmictuesdays-pilgrimkitty

Captain Steve and his horgler -- Anon Guest

Humans will pet anything. It is a fact as true as their renowned insanity. They get reward through tactile contact and it is part of their pack-bonding process. Almost nothing, short of losing their arm on contact, will stop them.

The only thing that has stopped them in the past is knowledge of the frailty of the thing they wish to touch.

Humans stopped by planetary station

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Challenge #01263-C168: Bodyguard

http://iztarshi.tumblr.com/post/145107805571

On the flipside, when the space orcs want you safe, you are very safe -- Anon Guest

There were times when Talil could swear that humans were made of determination and venom.

They were not, strictly speaking, toxic. Not completely. But their skin was host to ecologies of bacteria that made their lives possible, and had been weaponised against Havenworlders. Their guts were hosts to bacteria that were toxic even to them. Their bites could fester

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Challenge #01230-C135: So This is How I Die

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/143039331394/memeufacturing-human-after-being-stabbed-four -- Gallifreya

There are games the mind plays in extremis. One of its favourites is Hallucinations. But when the imagination is lacking or the mind is sufficiently aware of reality, the mind defaults to Good News, Bad News.

Good News, there is still air.

Bad News, it is filling with smoke.

Good News, there is still gravity.

Bad News, I am on my back.

Q'riikix, known to the humans in the crew as "Queasy", rattled

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Challenge #01209-C114: That Which is Left

The Sedlec ossuary of Kutna Hora

(if you're interested, there's a gallery of photos here (not for the faint of heart I suppose, but it's clean bones) https://imgur.com/gallery/QZE8a) -- Gallifreya

Logical solutions can look disturbing in retrospect. Take a small area with a large population. Arable land has to be kept clear for farming, so the living can eat. There is not enough fuel to burn the corpses, but just enough to cook. Therefore, the buried dead are

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Challenge #01198-C103: Pax Haptis

There was more added to the petting post from earlier

“we were going to blow them up, but they engaged in an oddly pleasing patting ritual and, well, it was nice.” -- Gallifreya

They had charged into a human nest that had already been abandoned. Some fired at stationary vehicles. Some fired at mannequins. Some fired because they feared for their lives. But when nothing fired back, the troup took their fingers off their triggers and looked around.

Somehow, the humans had

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Challenge #01190-C095: The Journals of Terry Six

http://soggywarmpockets.tumblr.com/post/141055057822/audiencecat-songofsunset-fireandwonder

that one with the regenerating species got more added - a misunderstanding with a much happier result -- Gallifreya

Taken from Journal of Observations: Human reproduction:

There is an ancient Terran song, one of the ones that is hard to get out of the mind-space after it is introduced. There is a refrain within it, Ob la dee, ob la da, life goes on, rah. La la, how the life goes on.

My name is

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Challenge #01121-C024: Humans Are Space Orcs

A couple of case studies that had managed to be kept away from the general galactic knowledge pool (except under specific licensing and non-disclosure contracts) come to light - the cases of Phineas Gage, James Brady, Ahad Israfil and others that have suffered massive head injuries and made practically full recoveries, despite the loss of large amounts of brain. (And often despite the lack of medical care of the time - Phineas's accident was in the 1820s)

(Warning for Ahad, pictures from

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Challenge #01078-B346: A Miracle by the Riverside

We have a saying, "They're not dead 'til they're warm and dead" -- Gallifreya

Lizards watched in alarm as the humans pulled the child out of the freezing water. Limp and lifeless, the sad scrap of a life seemed beyond salvage. And yet...

The humans around the baby were working tirelessly to instil life into the apparently lifeless. They stripped off wet clothes. Wrapped the tiny body in foil and applied heating blankets. Warmed up bags of saline to plumb into the

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Challenge #01050-B318: Fidelity

You can break my soul.

Shatter my mind.

Take my life away.

Beat me, hurt me, kill me.

But for the love of God

And for the sake of your own lives

Don't you

DARE

Touch her. -- Anon Guest

The human was already half-mad, even by human standards, when Kri'ko met her. She called herself Dog. Mutt on the bad days. Whenever she was awake, Dog would chatter to herself. A constant diatribe of ideas and denials.

They threw Kri'ko in

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Challenge #01034-B302: Pupup

A human is raised by aliens, and it turns out a lot of things humans like that weird out the rest of the galaxy are innate. For example the love of explosions, climbing and/or jumping off tall things, interacting with potentially hazardous wildlife, and chucking rocks into water. -- Gallifreya

They had found the survival pod some distance from the crash. And inside, a human. It was unmistakably a human. No other species had that almost complete lack of fur. Nor

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