Amalgam Universe

A 2271-post collection

Challenge #00940-B209: Arachnophilia

An alien aware of the general human reaction to spiders runs across someone whose first response to an Oshit is “how cute!”

“Being cautious, please, Engineer Murray,” K’teth warned as she unlocked her vessel. “Security measures on vessel mine being non-standard.“

The brown-skinned human grinned. “No worries. You can call me Baz. Everyone does. Now… I know you were knocking around Pirate Turf for a year or so?”

“Yes. Learning fast, am I, there are few tech solutions to hackers.”

“Right, so you have natural deterrents. Dogs?” She opened the inner door for herself and got a face full of pseudospider.

K’teth cringed. “Please not be hurting pet mine?”

To K’teth’s eternal surprise, the human giggled and gently encouraged Fluffy the Oshit onto her hands.

“Aaaawww… she’s burly girlie… hul-lo… ha-lo-oo?”

This was Human Pet Voice. Trying to be nice to an animal that didn’t understand words, but tone of voice.

“You… like… Oshits?”

“I love all arachnids and pseudo-arachnids. Oozadidduwfuzzyden? Oozadidduwfuzzy? Aaawww…”

K’teth was about ready to chalk this up as another example of Human Insanity. “You are not fearing poison biting?”

“No worries,” scoffed Baz. She guided the Oshit back into her holding tank. “These little buggers can’t pierce human skin. I’m aces.”

“Other humans not wanting take chance,” said K’teth.

“Their loss.”

[Muse food remaining: 12. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Challenge #00939-B208: Universal Reactions

Someone finally asks a human why there is such a nigh-universal-among-the-species visceral reaction to an Oshit when seeing one up close for the first time.

Many scientific establishments hired Humans to conduct the more risky aspects of their experiments. Firstly, because the humans were tough enough to withstand the results. Secondly, because they were insane enough to want to repeat the experience.

They also used vermin as experimental animals.

“What ho, loony lizards,” said Cambry. She aimed a lazy salute at the

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Challenge #00938-B207: Human Phenomena

An alien witnessing a human do the “Just walked through a spiderweb” dance for the first time

OR

A scholar writing a research paper on the one dance universal to all human tribal cultures, the “Spiderweb” dance.

In augmented scope sight, the web was clearly visible. And the spider itself stood out like a miniature sun.

“This spider,” whispered a lizard off to one side of the screen, “has been weaving and re-weaving its web all night. In a few hours, it

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Challenge #00937-B206: Living Proof

Another Humans Are Crazy point: most bright colours in the animal kingdom are for either a mating display or are a poison warning. The brighter the colours, the more likely it’s poison - see snakes and frogs, even compared to peacocks they are brighter (if less visually spectacular overall).

Most other animals, on seeing the fluorescent poison warning colours, are rightly horrified. 

Meanwhile, humans think they are pretty.

Of all the ambassadorial mistakes Harry could have made, this one pretty much

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Challenge #00935-B204: Human Terminology

(Came up with this and thought of a certain sawn-off lunatic, but it doesn’t have to be Vorkosigan fic if you don’t want it to be)

“When you say ‘secure on three flanks, with an opportunity to the north’, what you really mean is ‘cut off on three sides, with enemies front’, isn’t it?

“I mean both!

[AN: SO very tempted to write one of the Vorkosigan brats…]

Hwell returned covered in soot and a light

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Challenge #00934-B203: Loverly Spam...

You don’t reference Monty Python to be helpful, you reference Monty Python because you can.

On the upside, they now had an interstellar ‘ride‘. On the downside, it was an abandoned freighter. Its hold was still full. Which meant that the parental company had pulled the plug and evacuated the pilot when the cargo proved to be valueless.

And, of course, Shayde had to look.

“No,” she grinned. The tone of her voice made it sound like a good thing.

Which

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Challenge #00930-B199: Ban the Hammer

All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can’t get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer. — IBM maintenance manual, 1925

Taking things apart is easy. Putting them back again, not so much.

So
far, Rael had had lots of practice with the former. He’d found he’d attempted reassembly in the wrong order. Five times.

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Challenge #00929-B198: Fortifying Education

A Havenworlder finds out that even after reaching the Information Age, with early-warning systems and all the other resources available to a species at such a level of development, tsunamis (“The term refers to several million tonnes of water traveling at two hundred meters per second.”) still killed an average of seven thousand people consistently, every year, over four decades

(last four from 2015)

Th’k’x had to wear full health monitors and have a Medik on standby, just to access

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Challenge #00927-B196: Just My Type

The opposite to the last one - a being that is unattractive to their own race that a human finds beautiful.

Rae usually disliked going into the lower-gravity realms of the
station. She had a pathological dislike of insects that included
antisocial actions like screaming and flailing if one of them touched
her.

Only the Huf’nuf’ruf remained unoffended.

Her intent
was to go down, do her job, and then retreat into one of the luxury spas
to soak the imagined

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Challenge #00926-B195: In the Instincts of the Beholder

http://chokingonfeelings.tumblr.com/post/124810464889/livingzeppeli-i-want-a-sci-fi-series-to-have-an

“I want a sci-fi series to have an alien race that literally every other race but humans thinks are the hottest fucking thing but it just completely goes over humans’ heads.  Like instead of the Asari or some neon skinned space babe, every other race is just fucking fawning over some bizarre spider race.  When humans don’t get it they’re just like, “What the fuck’s wrong with you?  She’s hot, dude.

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Challenge #00919-B188: Here's to the Parents

a quote from historian Will Durant as I remember it. “Let me give tribute to all those Mothers, who over time dragged their children kicking and screaming through centuries of Civilization.” I presume he means the good Mums. Have fun.

“Say-shun! Say-shun!” Sprout ricocheted around the cabin, enjoying the free-fall before docking. “SAY-SHUN!”

Gavin fielded her on the fifth pass. “Settle down. Sprout. We gotta remember Rule One when we dock. What’s Rule One?”

“S'ay close.”

“That’s right. Good girl.

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Challenge #00915-B184: Wheeeeeeeeee!

Rolling down a hill is a valid use of your time.

Rael reached the top of the hill. There were not enough sweet treats in the human lexicon to pay for this much ‘just wanderin’ to his mind.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “We’ve reached the top of the hill. Now what?”

“We lie down,” said Shayde.

“For the last time, I am not engaging in extreme haptic communication with you.”

“I’m no’ askin’ ye to,” she said. “We lie down. Then

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Challenge #00914-B183: Cautious Eaters

Some species evolved without certain chemicals in their background, or with them causing no effect. Therefore they never evolved a receptor for it. Meanwhile others had to identify toxins or marker chemicals immediately and are highly sensitive even if it’s unnecessary -ie bitter vegetables -. This leads to nonplussed galactic citizens wondering why the deathworlder took a bite of that boring stuff and immediately gagged or refused it entirely because it smelled like pure evil.

Food unites. Meals shared tend to

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Challenge #00913-B182: The Challenge of Challenging

So capsaicin is dangerous, and even the species that can eat it recreationally recognise the effects as painful. Mint, on the other hand, even in high doses, causes no such thing. (L-Carvone (spearmint) at least appears totally harmless). Safe fun food for everyone?

Humans are insane. No other species makes a game out of painful ingredients in otherwise harmless things. No other species combines schadenfreude and friendship, and expects the friendship to continue.

And no other species can convince otherwise sane cogniscents

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Challenge #00912-B181: Mama Hen-Bear

The adventures of Tyr’ip and her big scary bodyguard mother hens.

(does this make her technically the species ambassador? Not a galactic ambassador I guess since her people are already part of the community and if there was one for every species encounter there’d be billions of them but still)

[Galactic ambassadors generally stand for their native planet and, in the case of low-gravvers and nomadic ship-tribes, habitation construct.]

It had been quite the journey. The humans formed a walking

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