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Amalgam Universe

A 2284-post collection

Challenge #00966-B235: Consult the Tea

More about the mentioned-once Captain’s Cup

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

Working with humans was always a rocky path...

Bal'thox watched in confusion as her human captain installed a small heat plate near the Captain's chair. Humans had been all over this ship. Adding insanity upon insanity.

Certainly, some of them worked. Like the gravity generator that was half technology, half cargo cult.

Others mystified. Like the twin, plush representation of six-sided die that now dangled above the main screen. And this. The resting place for the Captain's Cup.

"I do not understand," said Bal'thox. "You purposefully bring an open beverage onto the bridge, and make certain that it is too hot. And you place it on a heating plate to cool down?"

"Exactly," said Captain Blaise. "Top marks, that officer."

"It will not cool rapidly. It will barely cool at all."

"Yes," said the human. "That's the point."

"Is it?" wondered Bal'thox.

Blaise played with one of her short curls. "Well, if it cools down quickly, I'll have to drink it. Then the poor ensign would have to refresh it. And that gives us an entire five minutes without the most sensitive alert system we have. And a lot can happen in five minutes."

Her explanation left Bal'thox completely confused. "A cup of hot liquid is the most sensitive alert system..."

"It knows something's up before anyone else does," Blaise shrugged.

Bal'thox, of course, kept a scientific monitor on the cup's success rate. And was alarmed to note that this particular piece of human superstition was scarily accurate. It could detect trouble up to five minutes in advance of any other instrument or sensory system.

The word about it just went viral from there.

(Muse food remaining: 19. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #00965-B234: A Nice, Hot, Cuppa

More about the mentioned-once Captain’s Cup

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

Throughout the Galactic Alliance, one common factor became well known. There is no instrument more sensitive than a cup of hot beverage next to the Captain's chair.

Captain Eloise Fortescue put things together first, and had a habit of keeping a nice, hot, cup of tea by her captain's chair. And of course it helped that humans were the only ones who had gravity generators as standard technology.

Which allowed

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Challenge #00964-B233: Where Have All the Dinos Gone?

http://immaplatypus.tumblr.com/post/128003023050/bethosaurus-sunslammerdown

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

[AN: For those of you who can't be bothered following the link, the text reads as follows:

OP: What if aliens visited Earth during the Jurassic Period, found it to be occupied with a bunch of mean, giant lizards and thought "Well, fuck this planet" and never came back?

1stReply: what if when humans went out into the galaxy all the aliens panicked because if the dinosaurs tiny fur snacks

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Challenge #00962-B231: Just Like Bricks Don't

On the training plane for the Space Shuttle, the gearshift had three setitings: “fly like a plane”, “fly like a brick”, and “fly like the shuttle”. Please note that “brick” was used as an intermediate step between “plane” and “shuttle”

(Prompt from RecklessPrudence on Tumblr)

"Now this," said the human in the tones of someone sharing something delightful, "is old school."

"It looks like a simple re-entry vehicle," Tarb'nathad tapped a wing. "Primitive, yet effective."

"You have 'primitive' right," Kanta, too, had

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Termination of Services

Flashing red lights greeted Pamela as she woke from Stasis again. Something mechanical in the Vault Complex had gone wrong enough to need repair. It was the only reason that the system had to wake her.

The only reason that those in the Cryo-vaults needed her at all.

Pamela rose from her bunk and sat in the automated medical chair. If she did not do so promptly, the system would declare her dead and shut off the power to her survival suite,

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Challenge #00956-B225: Convoluted Jones

“[Name]? What are you doing here?”

“It’s a long story. I have a tank.”

“I kind of noticed by the way you shelled the bad guys and then drove it through the wall, Jones. One, how the flakk did you get your hands on a pre-Shattering Terran tank, and two: how the flakk did you find live ammo for it?”

“That’s… another long story. Better told inside. It’s noisy, but there’s headsets. And you can take over

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Challenge #00952-B221: Innovative Resource Management

They outsourced a surprising amount of their ship building (that is, they had a habit of using ships captured in battle).

People think low-gravvers are weak. Let me tell you something. A deathworlder adapted to a low-G environment is still a deathworlder.

And when there’s a hive of them in chained asteroids… you do not throw rocks at the nest.

I saw it from a safe distance and under a definite amnesty. I’m not stupid enough to cross with

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Challenge #00951-B220: Pacifying Maneuvres

We haven’t checked other species yet, but it seems to be almost universal in humans that we can’t help but at least smile, and often begin laughing, when we see a giggly baby.

The Havenworlders retreated behind their safety shields as various human factions began raising their voices.

Shayde, somehow, broke out a gigantic cup of popcorn. She masticated whilst grinning.

Someone, somewhere, pressed a brightly-coloured button.

Starting at the main viewer, every screen in the Ambassadorial Meet became dominated

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Challenge #00944-B213: One Bad Day at Station Customs

http://brutusfeels.tumblr.com/post/125690756909/haberdashing-ofshxeld-my-favourite-trope-is

Have fun!

The haughty Meyahndan in gold-coloured hunting leathers sneered down her nose at Pol. “We are Felids,” she said, showing her claws by tapping her fist against the opposite shoulder. “We are never unarmed.”

Why did her first day have to happen during an Ambassadorial Meet? “One moment,” she said, consulting the manual. Ah. Meyahndese. Yes. “Uhm. It says you have to have a permit? Otherwise you have to clip them short.”

She hissed

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Challenge #00943-B212: 'Straya Mate

Someone runs across this book. And then are told about the fact in the last comment.

“This,” said T’reka a’Nyerrik, “is a book for N’Ozzie children?”

“Yes,” said the helpful Archivaas with a bundle of similar tomes. “N’Oz colonists insisted on bringing their -ah- scientifically interesting native flora and fauna with them from Australia.”

Ah yes. Australia. The only land mass on Earth that almost rated a Level Six on the Deathworlder scale. In fact, N’Oz itself

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Challenge #00942-B211: Skewed Threat Assessment

Someone aware of how beneficial, on the whole, spiders are to humanity asks why there is such a disconnect between the threat posed by and reaction to spiders as opposed to the threat posed by and reaction to mosquitoes.

(Let’s ignore the Sydney Funnel Web, for the purposes of this discussion)

“Statistically speaking,” allowed Nik, “your species has more to fear from the Mosquito than it does any arachnid. Or pseudo-arachnid, for that matter.”

“Logically,” countered Shayde, “ye got a point.

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Challenge #00941-B210: Idiosyncrasies

The person who asked about the human Oshit reaction witnesses a human watching the YMCA spider video for the first time (and the human is not like one of my best friends, whose reaction is still “Kill it with fire!”)

K’leb’th happened to find a space to sit near an unfamiliar human. Ze was messing around with a palm-sized device and occasionally playing things for hirself.

Ah. This human, much like Cambry, had subscribed to The Daily Meme, a co-operative

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Challenge #00940-B209: Arachnophilia

An alien aware of the general human reaction to spiders runs across someone whose first response to an Oshit is “how cute!”

“Being cautious, please, Engineer Murray,” K’teth warned as she unlocked her vessel. “Security measures on vessel mine being non-standard.“

The brown-skinned human grinned. “No worries. You can call me Baz. Everyone does. Now… I know you were knocking around Pirate Turf for a year or so?”

“Yes. Learning fast, am I, there are few tech solutions to hackers.

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Challenge #00939-B208: Universal Reactions

Someone finally asks a human why there is such a nigh-universal-among-the-species visceral reaction to an Oshit when seeing one up close for the first time.

Many scientific establishments hired Humans to conduct the more risky aspects of their experiments. Firstly, because the humans were tough enough to withstand the results. Secondly, because they were insane enough to want to repeat the experience.

They also used vermin as experimental animals.

“What ho, loony lizards,” said Cambry. She aimed a lazy salute at the

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