Amalgam Universe

A 2280-post collection

Challenge #02145-E316: Pass the Ductape and Praise the Powers

"Well yeah, it works, but could it be better?" at this point groaning wasn't stopping the human from trying -- Anon Guest

There are two kinds of Humans, though debates abound as to which kinds those two are. In this case, though, the division is between those who say, "What the flakk, it runs," and those who say, "Yes, I know it's working perfectly fine, but what if it worked better than that?" Human Andi was one among the latter.

Like most Humans in the Edge territories, there was something of a learning curve when encountering approved Galactic Territories technology. Unfortunately for most Galactics, Humans pick up on things with alarming rapidity. Humans are naturally curious and many choose to understand complicated components of stellar drives out of little else but pure fascination.

When Human Andi had nothing else to do, they hung out with the ships' engineers. Every single ship they were on, they learned about. When asked why, they would explain in Broken Galstand that the engine was the most important part of getting from A to B without winding up as a chromatic smear at unplanned, sudden stop C. When put like that, most of those who travelled with Human Andi couldn't object. They could and frequently did object when Human Andi started interfering with things.

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Challenge #02143-E314: 'Tis the Season

The Harvest moon fills the sky

A wicked witch goes flying by

Ghosts and goblins..skeletons too.

Moaning and groaning, waiting for you

Black cats prowl the graveyard plots

Witches cook in cauldron pots

Cemetery ghouls roam the ground

Not one unopened grave is found

Tombstones are an eerie sight

Shadows dance in full moon light

The haunted house on the hill

Walk in there and you get a chill

Jack-o-lanterns eyes so bright

Trick or Treaters scream in fright

It’s

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Challenge #02142-E313: Been There, Done That

Alien: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CRASH LANDED ON YOUR HOME PLANET!?"

Human: "I mean we are on Earth, my home, somewhere in Central Africa...I think."

Alien: "We are doomed"

Human: "No we're not. Don't worry, I'll teach you everything there is to know about surviving on a Deathworld, we'll be fine." -- Anon Guest

Human Yoss clambered up the wreckage of their vessel. The bad news was that they were in the middle of flakk-off nowhere with busted comms. The

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Challenge #02139-E310: Cute, Fluffy, Deadly

The survey leader folded hir forelimbs and radiated annoyance. "It is small, furry, and completely unarmed. The worst it can do is a scratch." Insectoid faces don't easily show annoyance, but this one made a determined effort. "What are you afraid of, getting an owie on your boo-boo?" -- Anon Guest

First rule of Deathworlder animals - there is no such thing as harmless.

First Invader G'thaz was among the first to discover that to hir detriment. The creature known to the

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Challenge #02137-E308: Ante-Shattering Presents...

a documentary series by an alien film crew about the cultures of pre-shattering nations of earth

this week Americans.

loud, obnoxious, wildly opinionated, and with a cultural love of guns so deep that it never left. -- Anon Guest

A warning to all Havenworlders: This feature contains footage of Deathworlders, containing Deathworlders, and about Deathworlders. It is intended as a cultural analysis of pre-Shattering Terran identity groups. This episodes contains multiple explosions, loud Humans acting in violent ways, and portrayals of open

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Challenge #02135-E306: It's a Bit Like Bognor

Humans have 3 states of existence. Yes, No, and hold my drink. -- Anon Guest

Thax had never met a Human before, but it was highly advisable that she get one for her expedition into the Edge Territories. The information available was... incredibly scant. Well. The information that wasn't also attached to an offensensitivity warning.

Humans have three states of existence, it said, Yes, No, and "Hold My Drink". They were Deathworlders, but they were also classed as "Mostly Harmless" until provoked.

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Challenge #02134-E305: Terms of Combat Have Changed

A single inescapable fact is that humanity united with infinitely greater purpose in pursuit of war than they ever did in pursuit of peace. -- Anon Guest

Humans are not good at sharing, they say. Their origin planet was divided into thousands of groups identifying themselves with borders, religion, and culture to define battling clusters. When all of those were in common, lines divided amongst economic, gender identity, skin tone, and creedic boundaries.

All it took was one contact with visiting alien

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Challenge #02133-E304: Forewarned is...

Humans love things that explode. "Ooh look! fireworks." -- Anon Guest

Things that Humans love that go bang in various ways: a list compiled by non-Humans.

  1. Popping candy. Effervescent crystals encapsulated in chocolate and sugar. When dissolving in saliva, produce a crackling sensation in the mouth and sinuses. Harmful to those with theobromine sensitivity, but otherwise mostly harmless. Offensensitivity rating: low.

  2. Popcorn. Grains originating from the American continents, heated until the water inside the grains bursts through their own hard casing. Consumed

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Challenge #02133-E304: Mislaid

"Did anyone see a tank?"

"What colour was it?" -- Anon Guest

"Bright flakking red," said Human Jen. Like all things that came from a Human's mouth, it was difficult to tell whether that was sarcasm, a joke, or the truth. This was something of a hindrance in a Military Replica Driving Range.

Thorkak took a deep, cleansing breath, and tried again, "For clarity of understanding, are you searching for a mechanical tank, a fish tank, or a garment tank?"

Human Jen

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Challenge #02131-E302: Strangers in a Very Strange Land

planetary survey on new world gets progressively jaded as they meet real mythical animals -- Anon Guest

Welcome to Mythos. Here, there be dragons. For real, actual dragons. They don't breathe fire, but they do have an acidic spray from their own digestive tract that's almost as bad. Their original gengineers started with the largest Terran lizard - the komodo - and worked at it from there. They're sluggish and make nests out of shiny objects to attract their mates. Beyond that,

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Challenge #02127-E298: Cruel and Unusual

"I swear, if you press that button one more time, I will end you!" -- Anon Guest

In all the universe, no instrument of chaos has ever been more diabolical than the demo button. There's certainly a Hell where the damned is a stocker for aisled upon aisles of toys with demo buttons and hyperactive children who press them all as they go by.

Swarm Leader Yrtuq is certain of this as a small child presses a button on a brightly coloured

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Challenge #02126-E297: Uncommon Ground

"You're 'Clancy of the' where was it again?"

"The Overflow."

"You're a laundryman?" -- Anon Guest

Human Daz spared a dubious glance towards Rilthi Baz and wondered, not for the first time, if she was being very gently wound up. "Uhm," she said. "What?"

Clancy just sighed. "Yeah... an 'overflow' is an area where the flood waters tend to overflow. When the river floods, that's where the excess water goes. Good for grasslands and grazing."

"Also rice," added Human Daz. "I'm guessing

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Challenge #02123-E294: I Can't See My House From Here

A combined research team of a number of species of the galaxy invents a device that is capable of accelerating any object to significant portions of C, the human member of the team proceeds to be a human. -- Anon Guest

The breakthrough came, as breakthroughs often do, by accident. One person noticed that the interference on their experimental quantum computer was too regular to be just interference. The paired electrons weren't merely paired. They were grouped. They were grouped with other

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Challenge #02116-E293: Lest Ye Be Judged...

we poisoned our air and water to weed out the weak.

we set off fission weapons in our own biosphere.

we nailed our GOD to a stick.

humans are the monsters that monsters fear.

the demons lurking in the void. -- Anon Guest

Offensensitivity warning: Deathworlder studies, Human content.

Planet Terra, aka Earth. Origin point of the species who call themselves Human. Though a class 4.5 Death World, the intelligent life from there rates a 5. Here, we will examine the

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Challenge #02114-E291: Unlikely Friendship on Courier Fifty-eight

Ship's human and the Anti Gravity Drive keep company. -- Anon Guest

[AN: It's the Gravity Drive, but I get it]

This drive was one of the loners. It did not need constant Nae'hyn attention to do its work. It knew the route better than the Captain. It got family visits, of course, but Human Gar kind'a felt in kindred with it. Human Gar had took this particular mail route because it met her needs for social contact - otherwise known as

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